Ok boys and girls
it's almost time to rock and roll!
for several weeks, the staff at our synagogue has tried unsuccessfully to cancel the high holy days this year (just a joke)...but it will happen tomorrow night. Monday, September 29 is Erev Rosh Hashanah, starting at sundown.
i have a draft of what i'm saying on Tuesday that i need to run past the rabbi.
i have to choose what i'm wearing both days.
i will have to wait until later to write reflections on the visit to LA.
it was very foggy both days.
thanks to Cookie and Zina for visiting today, and to Zina for transportation to the airport.
had another great seatmate on the flight up...someone who works with animals and reiki, coming back from a fundraising event in santa barbara on behalf of wild horses
www.returntofreedom.org
i will check out her website and share more later.
it is going to be quite a week.
ketzl will not be happy.
thx to Christine and Charlie for the visit this morning to let him out and provide new asparagus and cantaloupe. boy, he really loves marking this computer with his face!!
so hoping that the coming year will be one of peace for everyone, family and friends.
the Jewish year is 5769 in case you are counting.
happy 60th birthday wishes to Pat/Trish Carter/Coleman. a speedy recovery to you!
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
from the world's slowest dial up connection
yes indeed. slow and precarious. can get dumped off at any time, it seems.
today was foggy all afternoon in santa monica. a quiet day. got a start on the words i will be saying on Rosh Hashanah Day (next Tuesday), with help and Hebrew from my father. i got to take a nap, and then we watched a bit of CNN dissecting the debate. it is all pretty surreal if you ask me. then we watched some baseball. SF giants couldn't pull it off again like they did last night. Dana will be happy.
i took the sparkly polish off my finger nails, but left them long. will probably do a new coat or even maybe a new color for Monday. the color i got was pale but with opalescent glitter. really nice. subtle, not too flashy.
i promised myself that if ever i stay overnight in santa monica, that i must get down to the water once. that will have to be early in the morning then as we are expecting company starting at 11 AM.
tissue alert...
one other thing that i had been putting off: writing up the listing for the memorial book that is distributed on Yom Kippur. Linda's name will be read as part of the list of those who have died since the last High Holy Days. then family have an opportunity to have names listed separately. what i think i've decided on for wording: "Linda Blauner Klein, lovingly remembered by Deborah Zimmer and family"
because really, all the dear friends really are family. this is going to be a tough one. fortunately, i will have the incredibly reliable Jackie with me. the memorial service is open to anyone (4:30 PM or thereabouts, Campbell Heritage Theatre, 1 West Campbell Ave, corner of Winchester, THURSDAY OCTOBER 9).
because of timing and proximity to the memorial service, i have been relieved of my traditional part at the conclusion of the Yom Kippur afternoon service, and will instead be saying some words on Rosh Hashanah day, Tuesday. i will be doing the introduction to the Haftarah (no it's not half a Torah) which is the story of the birth of Samuel, starting with his mother Hannah's prayer at the temple in Shiloh, asking for a child. the similarity between this and the Torah portion (birth of Isaac) is that both Hannah and Sarah were barren for many years. Difference: Sarah asks Abraham to pray to got on her be half, and Hannah prays directly herself. Good point to make. i will cite Rachel Adler, a wonderful scholar and teacher at the Hebrew Union College - Jewish Institute of Religion, the Reform seminary here in LA. it is unusual for a woman to be named directly in torah or the prophetic writings (I Samuel 1:1 - 2:10 is the selection), and also the first time that personal prayer is mentioned. let me just say that i love text study and wish i had a bit more time to work on this.
well, the boarding pass for tomorrow is printed. we are expecting visitors later in the day on Sunday which i set up during the week. i hope the fog lifts a bit, tho it keeps the temperature nice.
it is still weird. overall. the whole situation.
i was so torn over the past 2 years especially. i needed to come down here to visit, and felt guilty about leaving Linda even for a day. now i only feel guilty about leaving Ketzl. and i recall Adam's comment early on: strange about flying when there is no one to call to say "hey, i've landed safely, i'll call you from the house." grrrrr. no one to whom to be responsible. weird. still.
met a nice young man on the plane down. he is a professional percussionist. travels all over, some gigs in LA but was in San Jose to play with Ry Cooder. they got picked up at the hotel in low riders with hydraulics! way cool. they played at the SJ Civic Auditorium, where we had High Holy Day services for several years. a nice venue.
well it's a civilized time to go to sleep. good part is that late at night i can hear the sound of the ocean, and before i go to sleep, i peek thru the blinds and look at the white line of the rolling waves coming to shore. the wonder of living across the street, almost, from the Pacific Ocean.
today was foggy all afternoon in santa monica. a quiet day. got a start on the words i will be saying on Rosh Hashanah Day (next Tuesday), with help and Hebrew from my father. i got to take a nap, and then we watched a bit of CNN dissecting the debate. it is all pretty surreal if you ask me. then we watched some baseball. SF giants couldn't pull it off again like they did last night. Dana will be happy.
i took the sparkly polish off my finger nails, but left them long. will probably do a new coat or even maybe a new color for Monday. the color i got was pale but with opalescent glitter. really nice. subtle, not too flashy.
i promised myself that if ever i stay overnight in santa monica, that i must get down to the water once. that will have to be early in the morning then as we are expecting company starting at 11 AM.
tissue alert...
one other thing that i had been putting off: writing up the listing for the memorial book that is distributed on Yom Kippur. Linda's name will be read as part of the list of those who have died since the last High Holy Days. then family have an opportunity to have names listed separately. what i think i've decided on for wording: "Linda Blauner Klein, lovingly remembered by Deborah Zimmer and family"
because really, all the dear friends really are family. this is going to be a tough one. fortunately, i will have the incredibly reliable Jackie with me. the memorial service is open to anyone (4:30 PM or thereabouts, Campbell Heritage Theatre, 1 West Campbell Ave, corner of Winchester, THURSDAY OCTOBER 9).
because of timing and proximity to the memorial service, i have been relieved of my traditional part at the conclusion of the Yom Kippur afternoon service, and will instead be saying some words on Rosh Hashanah day, Tuesday. i will be doing the introduction to the Haftarah (no it's not half a Torah) which is the story of the birth of Samuel, starting with his mother Hannah's prayer at the temple in Shiloh, asking for a child. the similarity between this and the Torah portion (birth of Isaac) is that both Hannah and Sarah were barren for many years. Difference: Sarah asks Abraham to pray to got on her be half, and Hannah prays directly herself. Good point to make. i will cite Rachel Adler, a wonderful scholar and teacher at the Hebrew Union College - Jewish Institute of Religion, the Reform seminary here in LA. it is unusual for a woman to be named directly in torah or the prophetic writings (I Samuel 1:1 - 2:10 is the selection), and also the first time that personal prayer is mentioned. let me just say that i love text study and wish i had a bit more time to work on this.
well, the boarding pass for tomorrow is printed. we are expecting visitors later in the day on Sunday which i set up during the week. i hope the fog lifts a bit, tho it keeps the temperature nice.
it is still weird. overall. the whole situation.
i was so torn over the past 2 years especially. i needed to come down here to visit, and felt guilty about leaving Linda even for a day. now i only feel guilty about leaving Ketzl. and i recall Adam's comment early on: strange about flying when there is no one to call to say "hey, i've landed safely, i'll call you from the house." grrrrr. no one to whom to be responsible. weird. still.
met a nice young man on the plane down. he is a professional percussionist. travels all over, some gigs in LA but was in San Jose to play with Ry Cooder. they got picked up at the hotel in low riders with hydraulics! way cool. they played at the SJ Civic Auditorium, where we had High Holy Day services for several years. a nice venue.
well it's a civilized time to go to sleep. good part is that late at night i can hear the sound of the ocean, and before i go to sleep, i peek thru the blinds and look at the white line of the rolling waves coming to shore. the wonder of living across the street, almost, from the Pacific Ocean.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
this is a landmark: post 150
Now that I see Gavin Newsom on TV this morning, I remember that he was on the flight from LAX to San Jose on my long return. Not sure why he was doing that but it was interesting. He is in NY now for Bill Clinton's summit.
In the 10 days that I wss gone and certainly the past week, it has definitely turned to fall (with ridiculous hot spells in the middle of the day). "They" promise that it will cool off by the end of the weekend, which is good. Time has been pretty compressed and Erev Rosh Hashanah is Monday. Yargh.
Last night Jackie and I saw "The Foreigner" at San Jose Rep. Quite delightful. We were running a tad late and did not have time for sticky rice with mango, and the play was over 2 hrs so the restaurant was closed by the time it was over. Next time.
OMG they are replaying Bush's comments from last night.
McCain is opting out of Frday's debate. OK.
I still don't get how this works (or doesn't). Many of us are preaching to the choir. How do we reach those few who are undecided? I dunno.
These next two days will be wacko at work I think. Small things need to be gotten in order and packed and ready to move on Monday.
The aeason is changing. A new Jewish year. More points along the continuum. I thought I would be tired but seem to have recovered and so am heading to Santa Monica to visit my father this weekend. I will take the computer so he can see the Europe photos.
In the 10 days that I wss gone and certainly the past week, it has definitely turned to fall (with ridiculous hot spells in the middle of the day). "They" promise that it will cool off by the end of the weekend, which is good. Time has been pretty compressed and Erev Rosh Hashanah is Monday. Yargh.
Last night Jackie and I saw "The Foreigner" at San Jose Rep. Quite delightful. We were running a tad late and did not have time for sticky rice with mango, and the play was over 2 hrs so the restaurant was closed by the time it was over. Next time.
OMG they are replaying Bush's comments from last night.
McCain is opting out of Frday's debate. OK.
I still don't get how this works (or doesn't). Many of us are preaching to the choir. How do we reach those few who are undecided? I dunno.
These next two days will be wacko at work I think. Small things need to be gotten in order and packed and ready to move on Monday.
The aeason is changing. A new Jewish year. More points along the continuum. I thought I would be tired but seem to have recovered and so am heading to Santa Monica to visit my father this weekend. I will take the computer so he can see the Europe photos.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Hard to know where to start....tissue alert part way thru
Linda really loved Diane Lane. I can't wait to see her new movie, Nights in Rodanthe, with Richard Gere, also a favorite.
Tonight after picking up eggs and cream cheese (to go with the new delicious lox) at TJs, I headed over to Marshall's in the ongoing quest to find non-leather shoes for Yom Kippur, not too far off. Nothing really there. I realized while in the store that I miss shopping for Linda. It was always fun to find something special. I sniffed all the way home. I'm not hungry, and there is a lot of good food to eat here. Maybe a small salad later.
Ketzl is out in the cool night air, perched on the rock by the sidewalk. I just checked.
It is the new season for Dancing with the Stars. Can you believe that Cloris Leachman is 82 years old? She was so delightful to watch (not necessarily the dancing part). And then came on the Beach Boys tune (which was in the sound track for "Love Actually," a fun movie), "God Only Knows What I'd Be Without You."
here are the lyrics:
I may not always love you
But long as there are stars above you
You never need to doubt it
I'll make you so sure about it
God only knows what I'd be without you
If you should ever leave me
Though life would still go on, believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would livin' do me
God only knows what I'd be without you
This is the year of finding out how I am without Linda. Not my first choice. There are several Beach Boy CDs in the collection.
Today was also an hour with Laura at Hospice of the Valley. I brought my laptop so she could see photos of Switzerland, Germany and the wedding. I also shared how hard it was to come home after such a vacation. It was a hard day.
Balanced by some wonderful phone conversations yesterday, taking full advantage of free weekend minutes.
I think I need to take off the nail polish and trim my nails. They look OK but feel like talons.
Tonight is also the season premiere of Boston Legal...perhaps currently my favorite series.
Ketzl just wolfed down the tuna and asparagus. He is amazing.
I'm still not hungry.
At this time of year, a lot of stuff related to the High Holidays is coming through on email. I am wrestling with some of the things I need to deal with. Forgiveness is an important feature. I'm working on forgiving myself. Not easy.
And then there's the political and economic stuff. Just heard that the son of a Democratic something is accused of hacking Palin's yahoo! account. o dear. and the hubbub over the terms of the bailout. why should private companies be bailed out for greed and bad judgment? what kind of checks and balances will there be? or just the congress signing over trillions of dollars without real accountability. what about salaries for the CEOs of these companies that have folded or been folded. One democrat commented that it took 8 years to get into this situation, so one should not expect it to be resolved in one day. and then all the stuff swirling around about Palin. i especially enjoyed Eve Ensler's commentary (she is the author of the Vagina Monologues).
I don't know if it's the aging process or I've always been a bit directionally challenged but I had a really difficult time in Wiesbaden. Maybe because some of the streets go off at angles. But it was really hard to find places, even on the 2nd time. Another way in which I relied on Linda.
Flying home on the plane by myself was one of the most sobering experiences so far. I don't like traveling alone. Let me be more accurate: I loved traveling with Linda and I miss that.
Tonight after picking up eggs and cream cheese (to go with the new delicious lox) at TJs, I headed over to Marshall's in the ongoing quest to find non-leather shoes for Yom Kippur, not too far off. Nothing really there. I realized while in the store that I miss shopping for Linda. It was always fun to find something special. I sniffed all the way home. I'm not hungry, and there is a lot of good food to eat here. Maybe a small salad later.
Ketzl is out in the cool night air, perched on the rock by the sidewalk. I just checked.
It is the new season for Dancing with the Stars. Can you believe that Cloris Leachman is 82 years old? She was so delightful to watch (not necessarily the dancing part). And then came on the Beach Boys tune (which was in the sound track for "Love Actually," a fun movie), "God Only Knows What I'd Be Without You."
here are the lyrics:
I may not always love you
But long as there are stars above you
You never need to doubt it
I'll make you so sure about it
God only knows what I'd be without you
If you should ever leave me
Though life would still go on, believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would livin' do me
God only knows what I'd be without you
This is the year of finding out how I am without Linda. Not my first choice. There are several Beach Boy CDs in the collection.
Today was also an hour with Laura at Hospice of the Valley. I brought my laptop so she could see photos of Switzerland, Germany and the wedding. I also shared how hard it was to come home after such a vacation. It was a hard day.
Balanced by some wonderful phone conversations yesterday, taking full advantage of free weekend minutes.
I think I need to take off the nail polish and trim my nails. They look OK but feel like talons.
Tonight is also the season premiere of Boston Legal...perhaps currently my favorite series.
Ketzl just wolfed down the tuna and asparagus. He is amazing.
I'm still not hungry.
At this time of year, a lot of stuff related to the High Holidays is coming through on email. I am wrestling with some of the things I need to deal with. Forgiveness is an important feature. I'm working on forgiving myself. Not easy.
And then there's the political and economic stuff. Just heard that the son of a Democratic something is accused of hacking Palin's yahoo! account. o dear. and the hubbub over the terms of the bailout. why should private companies be bailed out for greed and bad judgment? what kind of checks and balances will there be? or just the congress signing over trillions of dollars without real accountability. what about salaries for the CEOs of these companies that have folded or been folded. One democrat commented that it took 8 years to get into this situation, so one should not expect it to be resolved in one day. and then all the stuff swirling around about Palin. i especially enjoyed Eve Ensler's commentary (she is the author of the Vagina Monologues).
I don't know if it's the aging process or I've always been a bit directionally challenged but I had a really difficult time in Wiesbaden. Maybe because some of the streets go off at angles. But it was really hard to find places, even on the 2nd time. Another way in which I relied on Linda.
Flying home on the plane by myself was one of the most sobering experiences so far. I don't like traveling alone. Let me be more accurate: I loved traveling with Linda and I miss that.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Selichot, the beginning
Of the High Holy Days.
It was last night. It is observed at the close of Shabbat on the Saturday before Rosh Hashanah, except if it that is less than a week before, like this year. Last night I didn't want to go alone, and fortunately the ever-vigilant Jackie was available to come with me. The evening started with a study session (we got through maybe 20 lines of text, which is always wonderful). Things about getting ready for the Days of Awe, different translations used words like degrade, debase, humbling...that we may all be equal as we get ready to open our hearts and lives during this season. Here's the relevance:
September 1999, probably Linda's 2nd visit to California, after the amazing August birthday etc trip, was Selichot. I know what she wore. A white knit outfit which still hangs in the closet. Afterwards, we went to see "Better Than Chocolate," omg what a perfect first lesbian date movie!! I was overwhelmed (by the movie and everything else too). So Selichot will always be a poignant time for me, and thanks Jackie for always being there for me.
In 1999 there was a letter writing program, to write some hopes for the following year, which would be mailed to us the following fall, so we could see if our wishes worked out. The side benefit of never throwing anything away (well, rarely) is that one encounters some really wonderful gems that were not discarded.
Here's my letter dated 20 September 1999 (9 years ago almost to the day): (tissue alert y'all)
Dear Self:
At this tumultuous time
how can I reflect and ask for what I hope will be by this time next year?
I know I ask for peace and contentment
And, God willing,
a full and happy life with
My Tovah.
This is a scary thought to be putting "out there" in writing, not to be seen until next year.
There is so much to be done.
There is so much promise.
May it come to fruition in this year 5760.
With lot of love
to & from
Dvora
and here I am
back at a different beginning.
then it was my hopes for a life with Linda.
now it is my life without Linda physically present.
through the tears, i am full of gratitude for her presence in my life for almost 9 years. i just wasn't done yet.
It was last night. It is observed at the close of Shabbat on the Saturday before Rosh Hashanah, except if it that is less than a week before, like this year. Last night I didn't want to go alone, and fortunately the ever-vigilant Jackie was available to come with me. The evening started with a study session (we got through maybe 20 lines of text, which is always wonderful). Things about getting ready for the Days of Awe, different translations used words like degrade, debase, humbling...that we may all be equal as we get ready to open our hearts and lives during this season. Here's the relevance:
September 1999, probably Linda's 2nd visit to California, after the amazing August birthday etc trip, was Selichot. I know what she wore. A white knit outfit which still hangs in the closet. Afterwards, we went to see "Better Than Chocolate," omg what a perfect first lesbian date movie!! I was overwhelmed (by the movie and everything else too). So Selichot will always be a poignant time for me, and thanks Jackie for always being there for me.
In 1999 there was a letter writing program, to write some hopes for the following year, which would be mailed to us the following fall, so we could see if our wishes worked out. The side benefit of never throwing anything away (well, rarely) is that one encounters some really wonderful gems that were not discarded.
Here's my letter dated 20 September 1999 (9 years ago almost to the day): (tissue alert y'all)
Dear Self:
At this tumultuous time
how can I reflect and ask for what I hope will be by this time next year?
I know I ask for peace and contentment
And, God willing,
a full and happy life with
My Tovah.
This is a scary thought to be putting "out there" in writing, not to be seen until next year.
There is so much to be done.
There is so much promise.
May it come to fruition in this year 5760.
With lot of love
to & from
Dvora
and here I am
back at a different beginning.
then it was my hopes for a life with Linda.
now it is my life without Linda physically present.
through the tears, i am full of gratitude for her presence in my life for almost 9 years. i just wasn't done yet.
Pete Seeger ruminations
There is a special on Pete Seeger on KQED ch 9 now...great inspiration for cleaning house. One summer when I was maybe 9 or 10 years old, I went to a summer music/drama camp near Idylwild in Southern California. Pete was one of the guest artists (and I had such a crush on his then blond son). It was a wonderful experience. Every time I hear his distinctive voice, especially when he is singing his signature songs... I remember that summer. Right now they are talking about his launching a sloop Clearwater, that began the clean-up of the Hudson River. There have been interviews with so many people, historians, musicians, his children and grandchildren. What a motivating force. What a legacy of all those who have been influenced by his music. Interesting to compare the contemporary grey-haired Arlo Guthrie with the youthful one from maybe 30 or 40 years ago.
He quoted a biologist who asked, "Where is the most important place? Where you are right now." Though they were talking more in terms of "think globally but act locally" (which is also important), I'd like to interpret it in a more abstract manner today: the most important place for each of us is in the present moment.
"You've got to walk that lonesome valley, you've got to walk it by yourself; nobody here can walk it for you, you've got to walk it by yourself." Yes, but. There is community, there are friends. But the walk is a solo act.
Now they have the clip of Bill Clinton awarding him the Kennedy Center honor.
"To everything there is a season, a time to every purpose under heaven. A time to be born, a time to die, a time to plant, a time to reap, a time to kill, a time to heal, a time weep," which I still do enough of these days.
But the laundry is away, the shower is washed with biodegradable cleaner, the kitchen floor is swept, and I'm about to vacuum.
Ketzl is sleeping outside in the grasses, in the shade, with his head on a warm rock.
He quoted a biologist who asked, "Where is the most important place? Where you are right now." Though they were talking more in terms of "think globally but act locally" (which is also important), I'd like to interpret it in a more abstract manner today: the most important place for each of us is in the present moment.
"You've got to walk that lonesome valley, you've got to walk it by yourself; nobody here can walk it for you, you've got to walk it by yourself." Yes, but. There is community, there are friends. But the walk is a solo act.
Now they have the clip of Bill Clinton awarding him the Kennedy Center honor.
"To everything there is a season, a time to every purpose under heaven. A time to be born, a time to die, a time to plant, a time to reap, a time to kill, a time to heal, a time weep," which I still do enough of these days.
But the laundry is away, the shower is washed with biodegradable cleaner, the kitchen floor is swept, and I'm about to vacuum.
Ketzl is sleeping outside in the grasses, in the shade, with his head on a warm rock.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
tissue alert early, or maybe it's just me
i know that my vulnerability these last few days are the result of the return home, and being sick on top of the jet lag and general fatigue after a trip ... to the reality that lives here. the reality of me and ketzl alone in the house, but with a security system installed, which is good.
it really was a vacation in so many ways. spending time with jeremy and daniel was wonderful. it was fun to be there for jeremy's first visit to europe (it feels like disneyland, he said) with wonderful weather, great views, lots of really old things (remember i live in california) and of course The Wedding of the Century.
there were so many special times associated with the wedding. three times a year, the kuhrhaus is opened for wedding ceremonies, performed by a commissioner. we all filed into a room, and david and julia sat down while she spoke. it was all in german. but later we got a sense of what she said. there was a small reception with food, of course, and a heart-shaped tart covered with fresh raspberries. about 2.5 feet wide heart. imagine. small potato halves filled with sour cream. salmon on skewers. meat balls with potato salad. a few other items. and champagne. and cake and coffee. oh and chocolate cake. then the afternoon was free time until the bus picked us up to take us to the party, in a castle... part of which is now a restaurant. we were in the round main floor but there were other parties and diners upstairs and down hallways. after dinner, some of the tables in the center were removed for dancing. dessert buffet upstairs including cheese, crepes, brownies, mousse, fruit platters, panna cotta, and more.
jeremy got my photos loaded onto the laptop. when i use the "send this photo" function, it opens the mail program. which means that all of my yahoo mail is now downloaded here as well. i was rummaging around in the past, back to October 2005 where Linda was planning the Hawaii trip for my 60th birthday. how amazingly thorough she was, researching options, variations, possibilities, keeping me informed as things went along. i found old jokes. then we started getting into the political season. old maxine comics. plans to see Elliot in Bent. our trip to Santa Rosa to see Carole King and go to the Charles Schulz museum (I have her two t-shirts from that visit). there is so much past gathered there in the electronic record.
then i went back to revisit Linda's blog. looking at the last weeks through the posts after she died. phew. it's not easy.
david was online this morning. today is julia's father, michael's, birthday. i am 8 months older than he is. it was nice, as always, to chat via skype and see his smiling face and julia's too. we really didn't have a lot of time together during the week of wedding. there were a lot of people with whom to interact. i am grateful for the concern and affection from both adam and david. oh, last night adam and livi saw the Carrie Fisher show, completing the cycle. no report yet on whether he was able to go backstage afterwards. he called during intermission.
lots of rambling. today i went to the farmers market and then to costco. needed fresh stuff in the house. got fresh dill and lemon pepper lox (!), toward the end of the season white peaches, nectarines (!) and pluots. raspberries and flowers, too. gas at costco ($3.67 wow) and blueberries. and the hotdog for lunch. and Pat Carter was my "lunch date" on the phone while i ate, she recuperating from vein repair surgery.
i know that being still "snoofy" and tired makes me more sensitive to the small things, like making the decision about phone service, cable options, keep the extra line? would a different carrier give me better cell coverage in the house? should i upgrade for $5 more a month to faster internet connection? these are the things that linda used to handle. already i'm tired of this part of reality. where are q-tips on sale, as i ponder using up things that linda had bought. in the last 5 months i don't think i have looked at a drugstore ad, so maybe i will start tomorrow.
it comes and goes. i asked linda feldman what she does when she gets a major bout of missing Robert. looks at pictures and remembers the good times, she said. that's a good thing. i'm glad i have all around the house the photos from the celebration of linda's life. they are in all the rooms so i see them all the time. actually, when you think about it, almost 9 years is a pretty long time for two people to be together. i need to keep putting that into perspective. and 4+ years after diagnosis with pancreatic cancer is really much longer than most. so while i will continue to miss linda every day -- her physical presence, her energy, her love and consideration ... i will also continue to be grateful for all the time and fullness of life we shared. thanks for listening.
it really was a vacation in so many ways. spending time with jeremy and daniel was wonderful. it was fun to be there for jeremy's first visit to europe (it feels like disneyland, he said) with wonderful weather, great views, lots of really old things (remember i live in california) and of course The Wedding of the Century.
there were so many special times associated with the wedding. three times a year, the kuhrhaus is opened for wedding ceremonies, performed by a commissioner. we all filed into a room, and david and julia sat down while she spoke. it was all in german. but later we got a sense of what she said. there was a small reception with food, of course, and a heart-shaped tart covered with fresh raspberries. about 2.5 feet wide heart. imagine. small potato halves filled with sour cream. salmon on skewers. meat balls with potato salad. a few other items. and champagne. and cake and coffee. oh and chocolate cake. then the afternoon was free time until the bus picked us up to take us to the party, in a castle... part of which is now a restaurant. we were in the round main floor but there were other parties and diners upstairs and down hallways. after dinner, some of the tables in the center were removed for dancing. dessert buffet upstairs including cheese, crepes, brownies, mousse, fruit platters, panna cotta, and more.
jeremy got my photos loaded onto the laptop. when i use the "send this photo" function, it opens the mail program. which means that all of my yahoo mail is now downloaded here as well. i was rummaging around in the past, back to October 2005 where Linda was planning the Hawaii trip for my 60th birthday. how amazingly thorough she was, researching options, variations, possibilities, keeping me informed as things went along. i found old jokes. then we started getting into the political season. old maxine comics. plans to see Elliot in Bent. our trip to Santa Rosa to see Carole King and go to the Charles Schulz museum (I have her two t-shirts from that visit). there is so much past gathered there in the electronic record.
then i went back to revisit Linda's blog. looking at the last weeks through the posts after she died. phew. it's not easy.
david was online this morning. today is julia's father, michael's, birthday. i am 8 months older than he is. it was nice, as always, to chat via skype and see his smiling face and julia's too. we really didn't have a lot of time together during the week of wedding. there were a lot of people with whom to interact. i am grateful for the concern and affection from both adam and david. oh, last night adam and livi saw the Carrie Fisher show, completing the cycle. no report yet on whether he was able to go backstage afterwards. he called during intermission.
lots of rambling. today i went to the farmers market and then to costco. needed fresh stuff in the house. got fresh dill and lemon pepper lox (!), toward the end of the season white peaches, nectarines (!) and pluots. raspberries and flowers, too. gas at costco ($3.67 wow) and blueberries. and the hotdog for lunch. and Pat Carter was my "lunch date" on the phone while i ate, she recuperating from vein repair surgery.
i know that being still "snoofy" and tired makes me more sensitive to the small things, like making the decision about phone service, cable options, keep the extra line? would a different carrier give me better cell coverage in the house? should i upgrade for $5 more a month to faster internet connection? these are the things that linda used to handle. already i'm tired of this part of reality. where are q-tips on sale, as i ponder using up things that linda had bought. in the last 5 months i don't think i have looked at a drugstore ad, so maybe i will start tomorrow.
it comes and goes. i asked linda feldman what she does when she gets a major bout of missing Robert. looks at pictures and remembers the good times, she said. that's a good thing. i'm glad i have all around the house the photos from the celebration of linda's life. they are in all the rooms so i see them all the time. actually, when you think about it, almost 9 years is a pretty long time for two people to be together. i need to keep putting that into perspective. and 4+ years after diagnosis with pancreatic cancer is really much longer than most. so while i will continue to miss linda every day -- her physical presence, her energy, her love and consideration ... i will also continue to be grateful for all the time and fullness of life we shared. thanks for listening.
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