today is the day before Linda's birthday.
part of "this week," which my sister assures me will soon become "last week" (or next week, depending on how you look at it). and i will get through it.
this week i took a new photo of Linda to my appointment with Laura at Hospice of the Valley. a very soft one, perhaps from the blog? in a purple/lavender checkerboard frame. nice smile of course. today i brought the photo in to the office and placed it near my monitor. not sure why i wasn't ready to do that before. i think maybe i will bring more photos in. there are a lot around the house but i do spent a lot of time at work, so it makes sense to have some there. i also lit the candle at my appointment. Laura played a cut from a CD for me: Garth Brooks, "The Dance." i need to find the lyrics. it was very sweet.
last night was an interesting meeting. rabbi alexander asked me to be on the committee for the Mikvah at the Levy Family Campus/JCC. mikvah is the ritual bath, and we heard from the women who are guides for the process as well as look at ways to raise money to support the program and do educational outreach. it's for men as well as women. used to help mark a change in life. linda and i wanted to go to the mikvah. but there was only the one in SF until january. i am looking forward to the experience for myself, and also to working with the committee.
things are coming together also for the baseball game Saturday.
the event's official title is the Second Annual Linda B. Klein Birthday, BBQ and Baseball Bash. we will have a virtual cake (photo from last year) as well as remembrances of last year's party. (thank you Christine)
the first year is the hardest, they say.
the first time we all do everything for the first time without Linda.
and now the first birthday. maybe we use only one candle?
i went into Linda's email to check her calendar reminders for birthdays.
and there was her own, exhuberant (of course)
August 21
ME!!!!
(1948)
Thank you Linda F for suggesting that tomorrow night I should not be alone for dinner. Thank you Jackie for accepting my invitation and offering to make logistics work, and being flexible and willing to change "up to and including the last minute," a phrase my sister and i use about our dear father.
Thank you dear readers in the blogosphere for staying tuned.
Thank you to everyone who has called or emailed with warm wishes at this time. your strength will help me through tonight and tomorrow and on to saturday.
nine years ago, on Linda's first visit to California, i didn't know how important birthdays were to her. i soon learned, and we celebrated 16 of them together, 8 for each of us (including the amazing trip to Hawaii for my 60th). that's really quite a lot of celebrating, in different cities, with dinners, plays, trips, and more. it is so incredibly sad that there are no more to celebrate together. i miss Linda so very much today, her smile, her energy, her warmth, her nearness. somehow, knowing she is forever in my heart just isn't quite good enough right now.
on the east coast, it is already August 21st.
here in California, ketzl wants his asparagus.
