ok. i can't wait to hear back from some of you out in blogland. it was a perfect choice as far as McCain is concerned. she helps restore the confidence of the conservatives. but really. believes creationism should be taught in schools. doesn't think global warming is caused by humans. very pro-gun. talk about inexperience...mayor of a town the size of sausalito for several years. governor for one and a half years. and this is the person who would be a heartbeat away from the presidency, with the oldest president ever elected? oh help. if the republicans thought they were going to shore up their feminist vote with this????? and he met her for the first time only on Thursday????? omg. and did you see the names of her kids? track, bristol, willow, piper and trig. are those real names? had she been a democrat i think the republicans would be all over those as really new age or something.
ok so we are at a momentous time in american politics.
either we have the first african american president or the first female vice president.
i plan to do everything i can to make sure it's the former.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
who controls the power?
so there was a power outage in and around the synagogue on Friday which caused a lot of commotion and work stoppage. i already had lunch planned with Jackie and so thought it was a good time to go anyway. almost got creamed by a truck at the intersection of The Alameda and Hedding. pretty scary. i think because there was no standing traffic at the signal, he didn't realize that the power was out and that he should have stopped and waited his turn. big truck. coulda been really nasty. screech, swerve, drive on. phew. breathe.
when i returned, the power was back on and so i was able to get labels printed and we got them affixed and got the September bulletin to the post office. major accomplishment, making everyone very happy.
today was a lovely bar mitzvah and fun party and now i'm home taking advantage of the day to do more laundry, pack, etc. measured suitcases. all are within the size limits. see how much will fit in each. getting closer. got email from david and julia about the bus trip on Friday. that will be a lot of fun.
i am really looking forward to traveling with jeremy and daniel (to a place that is not a funeral or unveiling). but. as i handle each suitcase, i finger gently the luggage tag, with linda's name, email address, etc. on it. i find receipts inside in the pockets. one from great neck ny from may 07. a card from the patisserie in london near the hotel. yum. and it hits me again and again: another in the endless series of firsts. the first trip to europe without linda. not only without her presence but without her meticulous planning and preparation. we don't have reservations in switzerland (because we are not certain yet where we will be staying -- a topic for this week with christine). i am truly on my own. i know i don't need to bring all the redundancies and extras and options that she would always bring, upping our luggage at every turn. but i need to find a europe packing list to make sure i take both cell phones, the matching SIM chips for europe, the phone charger, a converter so i can recharge batteries for the camera. ah yes, camera and all its associated equipment. gum. nuts, protein bars.
i think i was so busy yesterday with work (marcy was gone camping) that i didn't cry.
so i thought maybe i would get through today without any tears. didn't work out that way. it's ok. i know it's ok, that it will be ok. that i will be ok. as linda feldman said, given the passage of time (9 months for her since robert died) the pain isn't quite as grinding. that's a good word for it. so it is not quite as grinding as it was say even a month ago. but then i go and encounter another first. and it hurts.
my knee is getting fussy. i'm trying to be more disciplined about icing regularly and wearing the neoprene support when i walk. it makes me smile to remember how the knee got weakened in the first place. i flew to cleveland, one of my 6 trips during the 99-00 year of courting. i had my brown suitcase in the overhead rack. i reached up, retrieved it, rotated to put it in the aisle, and my knee gave out. so linda was stuck outside waiting to pick me up, and i had to wait, sign papers, come out in a wheelchair, and we headed to a local emergency room for x-rays and a serious brace and crutches. since then, i have always been aware that it is weaker on the right, so i step off (usually) from a curb onto my left foot. i hope it is better by the weekend.
off to rotate laundry loads. and strip the bed. and watch a DVD marcy loaned me: flight of the conchords. we saw one of the guys at a comedy club last week and were sorely disappointed.
tomorrow is the daylong trip with Jeff and Razmik and Robyn to see Elliot in Music Man. drive, eat, show, eat, drive. and the days move along. closer to next saturday. more packing, more packing.
when i returned, the power was back on and so i was able to get labels printed and we got them affixed and got the September bulletin to the post office. major accomplishment, making everyone very happy.
today was a lovely bar mitzvah and fun party and now i'm home taking advantage of the day to do more laundry, pack, etc. measured suitcases. all are within the size limits. see how much will fit in each. getting closer. got email from david and julia about the bus trip on Friday. that will be a lot of fun.
i am really looking forward to traveling with jeremy and daniel (to a place that is not a funeral or unveiling). but. as i handle each suitcase, i finger gently the luggage tag, with linda's name, email address, etc. on it. i find receipts inside in the pockets. one from great neck ny from may 07. a card from the patisserie in london near the hotel. yum. and it hits me again and again: another in the endless series of firsts. the first trip to europe without linda. not only without her presence but without her meticulous planning and preparation. we don't have reservations in switzerland (because we are not certain yet where we will be staying -- a topic for this week with christine). i am truly on my own. i know i don't need to bring all the redundancies and extras and options that she would always bring, upping our luggage at every turn. but i need to find a europe packing list to make sure i take both cell phones, the matching SIM chips for europe, the phone charger, a converter so i can recharge batteries for the camera. ah yes, camera and all its associated equipment. gum. nuts, protein bars.
i think i was so busy yesterday with work (marcy was gone camping) that i didn't cry.
so i thought maybe i would get through today without any tears. didn't work out that way. it's ok. i know it's ok, that it will be ok. that i will be ok. as linda feldman said, given the passage of time (9 months for her since robert died) the pain isn't quite as grinding. that's a good word for it. so it is not quite as grinding as it was say even a month ago. but then i go and encounter another first. and it hurts.
my knee is getting fussy. i'm trying to be more disciplined about icing regularly and wearing the neoprene support when i walk. it makes me smile to remember how the knee got weakened in the first place. i flew to cleveland, one of my 6 trips during the 99-00 year of courting. i had my brown suitcase in the overhead rack. i reached up, retrieved it, rotated to put it in the aisle, and my knee gave out. so linda was stuck outside waiting to pick me up, and i had to wait, sign papers, come out in a wheelchair, and we headed to a local emergency room for x-rays and a serious brace and crutches. since then, i have always been aware that it is weaker on the right, so i step off (usually) from a curb onto my left foot. i hope it is better by the weekend.
off to rotate laundry loads. and strip the bed. and watch a DVD marcy loaned me: flight of the conchords. we saw one of the guys at a comedy club last week and were sorely disappointed.
tomorrow is the daylong trip with Jeff and Razmik and Robyn to see Elliot in Music Man. drive, eat, show, eat, drive. and the days move along. closer to next saturday. more packing, more packing.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Wednesday at the Democratic Convention, etc.
There were some good speeches tonight.
Bill Clinton rocked the house tonight, as Hillary had done yesterday. Both hit on very important points. I miss Bill as President. I really liked when he said that people thought he was too young and inexperienced to be commander in chief. Kerry did pretty well too. Now it's a woman who was the first 3 star general and head of Army Intelligence. wow.
A day of accomplishment.
Photos mailed to Audrey (the ones of family, pre-dating August 1999.
Receipts photocopied and insurance papers completed to send in.
Just found out that Marcy will not be in the office on Friday. Tomorrow is going to be pretty incredible then. Oh well...she will be covering for me for 8 work days while we're in Europe. I will do my best to get things as updated as I can for the weeks when I'm gone, especially Fridays.
The photo I took with me to Hospice this week was the one of Linda onboard the Pride of America in Hawaii. We were on the deck, and her arms are spread, her jacket billowing in the wind, glasses darkened in the sunlight. Smiling. Of course. I think next time I'll bring in some photos of flowers and butterflies.
Ketzl is outside enjoying the night air. I need some salad for dinner. And time to lay out some more stuff for the trip. It's getting closer!
Bill Clinton rocked the house tonight, as Hillary had done yesterday. Both hit on very important points. I miss Bill as President. I really liked when he said that people thought he was too young and inexperienced to be commander in chief. Kerry did pretty well too. Now it's a woman who was the first 3 star general and head of Army Intelligence. wow.
A day of accomplishment.
Photos mailed to Audrey (the ones of family, pre-dating August 1999.
Receipts photocopied and insurance papers completed to send in.
Just found out that Marcy will not be in the office on Friday. Tomorrow is going to be pretty incredible then. Oh well...she will be covering for me for 8 work days while we're in Europe. I will do my best to get things as updated as I can for the weeks when I'm gone, especially Fridays.
The photo I took with me to Hospice this week was the one of Linda onboard the Pride of America in Hawaii. We were on the deck, and her arms are spread, her jacket billowing in the wind, glasses darkened in the sunlight. Smiling. Of course. I think next time I'll bring in some photos of flowers and butterflies.
Ketzl is outside enjoying the night air. I need some salad for dinner. And time to lay out some more stuff for the trip. It's getting closer!
Monday, August 25, 2008
a phrase new to me
"the new normal"
is what someone wrote to me in an email today.
she was hoping that my "new normal" was going OK.
that was an interesting concept.
i had a previous normal, my life with Linda and all that entailed.
but with her death, that normal is no longer.
what i have is my "new normal," which is life without Linda,
and all that entails.
so how is my "new normal" going?
things i don't like:
having to make all the decisions.
that's a big one.
i miss having someone to bounce things off of
(off of whom to bounce things? ever the grammar police)
of course i miss the cuddling
i miss coming home to share something that happened during the day
i miss doing crossword puzzles together
listening to music, going to shows.
so yeah, i can find other people for some of these...
and i do check out major decisions with one or another.
on the other hand,
i do get up every morning
go walking with Christine
feed the cat, go to work, have a productive time usually,
make some plans but trying not to be too busy
partly because i don't want to be away from the house too much
and because i don't want to feel like i have to run away from the house and being alone (which i don't, because i like being home in the house).
the new normal includes having made it through last week.
today i rsvp'd for the wedding reception for another couple taking advantage of the laws of the state of California, this time before November in case Prop. 8 passes. it is all around.
tomorrow is another appointment with Laura at Hospice of the Valley. i think the photo i will bring is the one of Linda with her arms spread on the deck of the cruise ship in Hawaii...of course with a big smile. i wonder how many of these photos will find their way to the office.
tonight i saw some of the Democratic Convention. Ted Kennedy was wonderful.
i am thoroughly disgusted with the former Clinton delegate who is in a McCain ad, saying it is OK to vote Republican. what were her reasons for supporting Clinton? surely not for the values and Democratic principles that Clinton supports. oh my.
it's going to get warmer starting tomorrow. i need to water the tomatoes in the morning. tonight's salad had blood orange and asian pear from christine's garden. wow that was totally delicious. finishing off with strudel from xaver's birthday.
overall, a pretty good day, a day that is part of the "new normal."
is what someone wrote to me in an email today.
she was hoping that my "new normal" was going OK.
that was an interesting concept.
i had a previous normal, my life with Linda and all that entailed.
but with her death, that normal is no longer.
what i have is my "new normal," which is life without Linda,
and all that entails.
so how is my "new normal" going?
things i don't like:
having to make all the decisions.
that's a big one.
i miss having someone to bounce things off of
(off of whom to bounce things? ever the grammar police)
of course i miss the cuddling
i miss coming home to share something that happened during the day
i miss doing crossword puzzles together
listening to music, going to shows.
so yeah, i can find other people for some of these...
and i do check out major decisions with one or another.
on the other hand,
i do get up every morning
go walking with Christine
feed the cat, go to work, have a productive time usually,
make some plans but trying not to be too busy
partly because i don't want to be away from the house too much
and because i don't want to feel like i have to run away from the house and being alone (which i don't, because i like being home in the house).
the new normal includes having made it through last week.
today i rsvp'd for the wedding reception for another couple taking advantage of the laws of the state of California, this time before November in case Prop. 8 passes. it is all around.
tomorrow is another appointment with Laura at Hospice of the Valley. i think the photo i will bring is the one of Linda with her arms spread on the deck of the cruise ship in Hawaii...of course with a big smile. i wonder how many of these photos will find their way to the office.
tonight i saw some of the Democratic Convention. Ted Kennedy was wonderful.
i am thoroughly disgusted with the former Clinton delegate who is in a McCain ad, saying it is OK to vote Republican. what were her reasons for supporting Clinton? surely not for the values and Democratic principles that Clinton supports. oh my.
it's going to get warmer starting tomorrow. i need to water the tomatoes in the morning. tonight's salad had blood orange and asian pear from christine's garden. wow that was totally delicious. finishing off with strudel from xaver's birthday.
overall, a pretty good day, a day that is part of the "new normal."
Sunday, August 24, 2008
En;'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''/d of the week
The creativity in the title is courtesy of Ketzl, who walked across the keyboard.
ever
First, an apology. Last night I first thanked everyone who was at the baseball game, and also those guests who were regular readers of the blog. Then I chastised those who are not. That was not a nice thing to do. This is for me, and whoever chooses to stay in touch...well it is their choice. People are busy. They may feel they have enough information, or we catch up by phone. So I hereby retract my negative comment. The thing is, for those who don't read the blog, they won't see this retraction! Funny.
I don't think that drug companies understand the concept of irony. Tonight is the repeat (after the 11 PM news) of the closing ceremonies of the Beijing Olympics (thank goodness they are ending!). So here this final round of ridiculously late night pageantry is sponsored by Ambien CR, a sleep aid!
So we made it through this important week. Someone commented that the first is usually the most difficult but it isn't necessarily a picnic the 2nd year. There is no way of predicting how I or any of us will handle it next year. But at least I will have the memory of the accomplishment of this year.
This afternoon I went over to Christine and Charlie's for homemade apple strudel in celebration of Xaver's 29th birthday. It was totally yummy and there is a piece for breakfast. How wonderful. Happy birthday! and we played Mexican dominoes...my 2nd time. I started off so well and then had a hand in which I amassed 163 points (the goal is to not get many). I was toast. Charlie cleaned up. His total for all rounds was 165 or something. There is always next time.
Ketzl loves this computer. He is always marking it with his face, rubbing against the upper corners of the screen.
Less than two weeks before we leave. That may be daunting. There is much to do, including having a security system installed. That is a promise. And next weekend is already busy. Fortunately, Jeremy's passport came. Expediting pays off.
Before the closing ceremonies, we get men's volleyball. They are such big guys with huge hands which just cover the ball. I don't know if I can stay up for another hour. And what is up with one player having a different color shirt? I still don't get synchronized diving. I've enjoyed the games but it has taken up a lot of late night time. I did see some of the original primetime broadcast, and was especially touched by the handoff to London for the 2012 Olympics. The red bus, which we rode when we were there. Michael Phelps speaking from the area in front of Buckingham Palace, where we had been. I know I will be back in London again. It is still hard to really get that Linda won't be with me next time. At the risk of repetition: holding Linda always in my heart sometimes just isn't enough.
ever
First, an apology. Last night I first thanked everyone who was at the baseball game, and also those guests who were regular readers of the blog. Then I chastised those who are not. That was not a nice thing to do. This is for me, and whoever chooses to stay in touch...well it is their choice. People are busy. They may feel they have enough information, or we catch up by phone. So I hereby retract my negative comment. The thing is, for those who don't read the blog, they won't see this retraction! Funny.
I don't think that drug companies understand the concept of irony. Tonight is the repeat (after the 11 PM news) of the closing ceremonies of the Beijing Olympics (thank goodness they are ending!). So here this final round of ridiculously late night pageantry is sponsored by Ambien CR, a sleep aid!
So we made it through this important week. Someone commented that the first is usually the most difficult but it isn't necessarily a picnic the 2nd year. There is no way of predicting how I or any of us will handle it next year. But at least I will have the memory of the accomplishment of this year.
This afternoon I went over to Christine and Charlie's for homemade apple strudel in celebration of Xaver's 29th birthday. It was totally yummy and there is a piece for breakfast. How wonderful. Happy birthday! and we played Mexican dominoes...my 2nd time. I started off so well and then had a hand in which I amassed 163 points (the goal is to not get many). I was toast. Charlie cleaned up. His total for all rounds was 165 or something. There is always next time.
Ketzl loves this computer. He is always marking it with his face, rubbing against the upper corners of the screen.
Less than two weeks before we leave. That may be daunting. There is much to do, including having a security system installed. That is a promise. And next weekend is already busy. Fortunately, Jeremy's passport came. Expediting pays off.
Before the closing ceremonies, we get men's volleyball. They are such big guys with huge hands which just cover the ball. I don't know if I can stay up for another hour. And what is up with one player having a different color shirt? I still don't get synchronized diving. I've enjoyed the games but it has taken up a lot of late night time. I did see some of the original primetime broadcast, and was especially touched by the handoff to London for the 2012 Olympics. The red bus, which we rode when we were there. Michael Phelps speaking from the area in front of Buckingham Palace, where we had been. I know I will be back in London again. It is still hard to really get that Linda won't be with me next time. At the risk of repetition: holding Linda always in my heart sometimes just isn't enough.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
2nd Annual Linda B. Klein Birthday BBQ and Baseball Bash
It was a fabulous evening, something which can be attested to (to which can be attested??) by those who were there. I think the final headcount was 20, including Daniel and 3 of his friends. Several folks were unable to attend because of illness. There is always next year. As I was turning the corner onto the street where the stadium is, Daphne called to say they were out front. Which was great because they could help carry stuff in, along with the Shulls who also were there early. We were able to get set up easily before everyone else trickled in.
We had two tables (they had changed the arrangement so we were not as close to the field as last year). New baseball attendees this year included Daphne and Kevin, Paula, Harold and Ariel, and Joelle (who got to meet Janice face to face for the first time). There was a lot of food, tho i discovered two more meal tickets (valid thru the rest of the season fortunately) in a pocket at the end.
AND THE SAN JOSE GIANTS WON!! It was a great game, good Giants pitching. Final score 5 to 1 against the High Desert Mavericks. It must be Linda Feldman as the good luck charm. She drove down after the SF Giants (the big guys) won. How about that for a double-header? Two Giants games in two cities in the same afternoon. Linda F commented that it was a perfect evening for a baseball game. The temperature was balmy, the wind died down after 5 o'clock, and it was even better when the sun went down and we could actually see the field without glare.
The tables looked lovely with fabric runners in Hawaiian style prints. Flowers from the farmers market this morning. Toblerone chocolate from Costco. And lots of water. There were even a few chile lime pistachios (my variant on sunflower seeds) left over and quite a few peanuts.
All of the groups are recognized somewhere near the 7th inning, and it was really nice to see 2nd Annual Linda B. Klein Birthday BBQ and Baseball Bash on the big screen. After the game was over, we lit a small set of candles (six, each representing a decade), placed with care into a garlic french fry (seriously, we did this) because there was no cake. I had thought we would bring out the large picture of the cake from last year, but that didn't happen.
Thank you everyone for coming and sharing this important day with me, whether you were there in person or in spirit. And of course, Linda's spirit was with us as well.
I think we need to have celebrations more often. I don't want to wait until next year (thank you Ariel for looking on your cell phone calendar to let us know that 8/21 will be a Friday in 2009). Maybe I will get a list of everyone's birthdays, or maybe we'll just do a monthly birthday party whenever...i think starting at the end of October.
Ketzl is out enjoying the cool night air.
I've started laying out clothes for the trip. That's really an exciting development. Moving right along.
We had two tables (they had changed the arrangement so we were not as close to the field as last year). New baseball attendees this year included Daphne and Kevin, Paula, Harold and Ariel, and Joelle (who got to meet Janice face to face for the first time). There was a lot of food, tho i discovered two more meal tickets (valid thru the rest of the season fortunately) in a pocket at the end.
AND THE SAN JOSE GIANTS WON!! It was a great game, good Giants pitching. Final score 5 to 1 against the High Desert Mavericks. It must be Linda Feldman as the good luck charm. She drove down after the SF Giants (the big guys) won. How about that for a double-header? Two Giants games in two cities in the same afternoon. Linda F commented that it was a perfect evening for a baseball game. The temperature was balmy, the wind died down after 5 o'clock, and it was even better when the sun went down and we could actually see the field without glare.
The tables looked lovely with fabric runners in Hawaiian style prints. Flowers from the farmers market this morning. Toblerone chocolate from Costco. And lots of water. There were even a few chile lime pistachios (my variant on sunflower seeds) left over and quite a few peanuts.
All of the groups are recognized somewhere near the 7th inning, and it was really nice to see 2nd Annual Linda B. Klein Birthday BBQ and Baseball Bash on the big screen. After the game was over, we lit a small set of candles (six, each representing a decade), placed with care into a garlic french fry (seriously, we did this) because there was no cake. I had thought we would bring out the large picture of the cake from last year, but that didn't happen.
Thank you everyone for coming and sharing this important day with me, whether you were there in person or in spirit. And of course, Linda's spirit was with us as well.
I think we need to have celebrations more often. I don't want to wait until next year (thank you Ariel for looking on your cell phone calendar to let us know that 8/21 will be a Friday in 2009). Maybe I will get a list of everyone's birthdays, or maybe we'll just do a monthly birthday party whenever...i think starting at the end of October.
Ketzl is out enjoying the cool night air.
I've started laying out clothes for the trip. That's really an exciting development. Moving right along.
Friday, August 22, 2008
a new life on August 21st
Adam shared the good news from a dear friend of his from Univ of New Mexico School of Law. a new baby was born on Thursday. a boy. bringing a smile to our faces. next year he will be a year old on august 21st. nice balance to the date.
the day-after-birthday asparagus
ketzl never tires of this green treat...
this time he grabbed a 3 inch piece out of my hand and ate it while i cut the other pieces. what an amazing cat.
this time he grabbed a 3 inch piece out of my hand and ate it while i cut the other pieces. what an amazing cat.
lyrics to "The Dance" courtesy of Trish :~)
"The Dance"
Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared 'neath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance
Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I a king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd have had to miss the dance
Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared 'neath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance
Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I a king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd have had to miss the dance
We all made it through
today is august 22, which means that august 21 is now yesterday. which means we made it through. good for all of us. together and separately. we did it.
yesterday i cannot tell you how happy ketzl was with his birthday asparagus. another race to eat the pieces as they were being cut into the bowl. ya gotta love him!
gene upshaw, a great oakland raiders player and more recently player representative, died 3 days after diagnosis with pancreatic cancer. he had not been feeling well for a month or so. it is truly an insidious disease.
finally connected with david on the phone this morning. that was very important. he had left a message on the machine yesterday but it was not the same as actually talking. we are all getting excited. he and julia leave from london for germany on the 6th, as we do. today i retrieved the suits from their alterations.
on my left wrist i have worn for the last few days the rainbow bracelet that had graced linda's wrist for so many years. on my right wrist, i have the older one that Audrey, their mother and grandmother had as well, and the plumeria from last chanukah. in weight, they feel similar. balanced wrists.
tonight was Rock Shabbat at temple. there was a huge crowd. it was rabbi's first shabbat back and he and meeka had such a great time, as did everyone else, musicians, singers and congregants. it was nice to be there and see so many people enjoying themselves. fortunately i was able to borrow ariel's camera to take a few pictures, which i hope turn out.
things are almost set for the baseball game. people are coming and going, arriving later, eating or not, and i have water and peanuts. it's all good. christine has done a few pages of photos, remembrances of last year.
last night when i got back from dinner at siena with jackie (thank you so much for the company), nath was in the driveway. she had brought mango sorbet (wow) and a lovely small ring from her wyoming travels...two small butterflies inlaid with turquoise and jasper. very thoughtful and significant. i had not expected her to come over so it was a very nice surprise.
there is a small competition going: who can send more amazing photos of their tigers, trish or mimi? they pose so very nicely. new introductions to the larger family.
it is about community.
the connections with others helps us get through.
and we did. here is it almost (well, almost almost) august 23.
we made it through.
thank you.
olympics still in the background.
omg there is a new movie "Nights in Rodanthe," with Diane Lane and Richard Gere coming in a few weeks! a perfect combination. sweet romantic comedy (well i don't know that it is exactly a comedy.) linda would have loved to see it.
yesterday i cannot tell you how happy ketzl was with his birthday asparagus. another race to eat the pieces as they were being cut into the bowl. ya gotta love him!
gene upshaw, a great oakland raiders player and more recently player representative, died 3 days after diagnosis with pancreatic cancer. he had not been feeling well for a month or so. it is truly an insidious disease.
finally connected with david on the phone this morning. that was very important. he had left a message on the machine yesterday but it was not the same as actually talking. we are all getting excited. he and julia leave from london for germany on the 6th, as we do. today i retrieved the suits from their alterations.
on my left wrist i have worn for the last few days the rainbow bracelet that had graced linda's wrist for so many years. on my right wrist, i have the older one that Audrey, their mother and grandmother had as well, and the plumeria from last chanukah. in weight, they feel similar. balanced wrists.
tonight was Rock Shabbat at temple. there was a huge crowd. it was rabbi's first shabbat back and he and meeka had such a great time, as did everyone else, musicians, singers and congregants. it was nice to be there and see so many people enjoying themselves. fortunately i was able to borrow ariel's camera to take a few pictures, which i hope turn out.
things are almost set for the baseball game. people are coming and going, arriving later, eating or not, and i have water and peanuts. it's all good. christine has done a few pages of photos, remembrances of last year.
last night when i got back from dinner at siena with jackie (thank you so much for the company), nath was in the driveway. she had brought mango sorbet (wow) and a lovely small ring from her wyoming travels...two small butterflies inlaid with turquoise and jasper. very thoughtful and significant. i had not expected her to come over so it was a very nice surprise.
there is a small competition going: who can send more amazing photos of their tigers, trish or mimi? they pose so very nicely. new introductions to the larger family.
it is about community.
the connections with others helps us get through.
and we did. here is it almost (well, almost almost) august 23.
we made it through.
thank you.
olympics still in the background.
omg there is a new movie "Nights in Rodanthe," with Diane Lane and Richard Gere coming in a few weeks! a perfect combination. sweet romantic comedy (well i don't know that it is exactly a comedy.) linda would have loved to see it.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Happy Birthday, Sweetheart
I found the stash of unsent special cards on Linda's bookshelf in the bedroom. In looking through them, there wasn't a birthday one that spoke to me, but I share the words (adapted slightly) from one that did. It's from a series that i saw many times.
YOU were on my mind when I woke up this morning ...
And I've been thinking about you...
remembering your smile
your voice
the sound of your laughter...
remembering the little things we shared
(and wishing we could have had more time to share even more).
I can't think of anything or anyone but you today.
I guess that means I'm missing you even more than I usually do.
Happy Birthday to my sweet Tovah,
from your devoted Dvora
ps today is Ketzl's 4th birthday. we don't know exactly, but judging from how old he was when he first pranced into the house, we decided they should share this day.
oh sorry, i forgot the tissue alert.
YOU were on my mind when I woke up this morning ...
And I've been thinking about you...
remembering your smile
your voice
the sound of your laughter...
remembering the little things we shared
(and wishing we could have had more time to share even more).
I can't think of anything or anyone but you today.
I guess that means I'm missing you even more than I usually do.
Happy Birthday to my sweet Tovah,
from your devoted Dvora
ps today is Ketzl's 4th birthday. we don't know exactly, but judging from how old he was when he first pranced into the house, we decided they should share this day.
oh sorry, i forgot the tissue alert.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
the day before
today is the day before Linda's birthday.
part of "this week," which my sister assures me will soon become "last week" (or next week, depending on how you look at it). and i will get through it.
this week i took a new photo of Linda to my appointment with Laura at Hospice of the Valley. a very soft one, perhaps from the blog? in a purple/lavender checkerboard frame. nice smile of course. today i brought the photo in to the office and placed it near my monitor. not sure why i wasn't ready to do that before. i think maybe i will bring more photos in. there are a lot around the house but i do spent a lot of time at work, so it makes sense to have some there. i also lit the candle at my appointment. Laura played a cut from a CD for me: Garth Brooks, "The Dance." i need to find the lyrics. it was very sweet.
last night was an interesting meeting. rabbi alexander asked me to be on the committee for the Mikvah at the Levy Family Campus/JCC. mikvah is the ritual bath, and we heard from the women who are guides for the process as well as look at ways to raise money to support the program and do educational outreach. it's for men as well as women. used to help mark a change in life. linda and i wanted to go to the mikvah. but there was only the one in SF until january. i am looking forward to the experience for myself, and also to working with the committee.
things are coming together also for the baseball game Saturday.
the event's official title is the Second Annual Linda B. Klein Birthday, BBQ and Baseball Bash. we will have a virtual cake (photo from last year) as well as remembrances of last year's party. (thank you Christine)
the first year is the hardest, they say.
the first time we all do everything for the first time without Linda.
and now the first birthday. maybe we use only one candle?
i went into Linda's email to check her calendar reminders for birthdays.
and there was her own, exhuberant (of course)
August 21
ME!!!!
(1948)
Thank you Linda F for suggesting that tomorrow night I should not be alone for dinner. Thank you Jackie for accepting my invitation and offering to make logistics work, and being flexible and willing to change "up to and including the last minute," a phrase my sister and i use about our dear father.
Thank you dear readers in the blogosphere for staying tuned.
Thank you to everyone who has called or emailed with warm wishes at this time. your strength will help me through tonight and tomorrow and on to saturday.
nine years ago, on Linda's first visit to California, i didn't know how important birthdays were to her. i soon learned, and we celebrated 16 of them together, 8 for each of us (including the amazing trip to Hawaii for my 60th). that's really quite a lot of celebrating, in different cities, with dinners, plays, trips, and more. it is so incredibly sad that there are no more to celebrate together. i miss Linda so very much today, her smile, her energy, her warmth, her nearness. somehow, knowing she is forever in my heart just isn't quite good enough right now.
on the east coast, it is already August 21st.
here in California, ketzl wants his asparagus.
part of "this week," which my sister assures me will soon become "last week" (or next week, depending on how you look at it). and i will get through it.
this week i took a new photo of Linda to my appointment with Laura at Hospice of the Valley. a very soft one, perhaps from the blog? in a purple/lavender checkerboard frame. nice smile of course. today i brought the photo in to the office and placed it near my monitor. not sure why i wasn't ready to do that before. i think maybe i will bring more photos in. there are a lot around the house but i do spent a lot of time at work, so it makes sense to have some there. i also lit the candle at my appointment. Laura played a cut from a CD for me: Garth Brooks, "The Dance." i need to find the lyrics. it was very sweet.
last night was an interesting meeting. rabbi alexander asked me to be on the committee for the Mikvah at the Levy Family Campus/JCC. mikvah is the ritual bath, and we heard from the women who are guides for the process as well as look at ways to raise money to support the program and do educational outreach. it's for men as well as women. used to help mark a change in life. linda and i wanted to go to the mikvah. but there was only the one in SF until january. i am looking forward to the experience for myself, and also to working with the committee.
things are coming together also for the baseball game Saturday.
the event's official title is the Second Annual Linda B. Klein Birthday, BBQ and Baseball Bash. we will have a virtual cake (photo from last year) as well as remembrances of last year's party. (thank you Christine)
the first year is the hardest, they say.
the first time we all do everything for the first time without Linda.
and now the first birthday. maybe we use only one candle?
i went into Linda's email to check her calendar reminders for birthdays.
and there was her own, exhuberant (of course)
August 21
ME!!!!
(1948)
Thank you Linda F for suggesting that tomorrow night I should not be alone for dinner. Thank you Jackie for accepting my invitation and offering to make logistics work, and being flexible and willing to change "up to and including the last minute," a phrase my sister and i use about our dear father.
Thank you dear readers in the blogosphere for staying tuned.
Thank you to everyone who has called or emailed with warm wishes at this time. your strength will help me through tonight and tomorrow and on to saturday.
nine years ago, on Linda's first visit to California, i didn't know how important birthdays were to her. i soon learned, and we celebrated 16 of them together, 8 for each of us (including the amazing trip to Hawaii for my 60th). that's really quite a lot of celebrating, in different cities, with dinners, plays, trips, and more. it is so incredibly sad that there are no more to celebrate together. i miss Linda so very much today, her smile, her energy, her warmth, her nearness. somehow, knowing she is forever in my heart just isn't quite good enough right now.
on the east coast, it is already August 21st.
here in California, ketzl wants his asparagus.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Tonight I saw a shooting star....
August is the time for shooting stars in California.
I remember staying up late at Family Camp in the Sierras, or even taking beach chairs and sitting out somewhere here in San Jose, waiting until the sky got dark, and watching for the meteor showers.
Tonight I was on my way home, heading east on Mabury Road, stopped at the traffic signal at Capitol Avenue, the last major intersection before home. The sky was still pretty light, and there burned a wonderful shooting star, a rather large flaming ball, streaking low in the sky, from south to north.
It was pretty spectacular.
And on the day that Linda arrived in California for the first time.
Three days before her 51st birthday.
Not surprisingly, this is going to be a challenging week.
I remember staying up late at Family Camp in the Sierras, or even taking beach chairs and sitting out somewhere here in San Jose, waiting until the sky got dark, and watching for the meteor showers.
Tonight I was on my way home, heading east on Mabury Road, stopped at the traffic signal at Capitol Avenue, the last major intersection before home. The sky was still pretty light, and there burned a wonderful shooting star, a rather large flaming ball, streaking low in the sky, from south to north.
It was pretty spectacular.
And on the day that Linda arrived in California for the first time.
Three days before her 51st birthday.
Not surprisingly, this is going to be a challenging week.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
the end of the weekend
things accomplished:
two fleamarkets visited
lots of flyers left with folks who buy/sell jewelry
still a few more pawnshops to contact
and yeah, still the irony that shops hold things for 30 days after receiving items, but the police don't look at the tags that come in...so bingo, 30 days later stuff is "released" for sale. grrrrr
adam points out that if nothing turns up, it will be ok for me to let go of "the things." he is, of course, correct.
watched lots of olympics. it's really nice that Michael Phelps is such a sweet guy. i cannot imagine 12,000 calories in a day. well, i can't imagine swimming miles over and over again either. very nice that he acknowledges how hard his mom worked, at a job, in graduate school and taking care of 3 kids on her own. a role model for hard work, he said.
nice concert at Cong Beth El in Aptos (two Iraelis, two Palestinians, playing for peace, percussion and oud, a stringed instrument) followed by Marianne's Ice Cream. OMG how wonderful that is! I had lychee and ginger!
at the fleamarket today i bought two pounds of hand-roasted peanuts. according to the SJ Giants, we can bring in peanuts, sunflower seeds and water. so far i think 18 people are coming, so we need to get some free credit union tix in addition to the 15 BBQ and entry tickets already purchased. i need to send an email confirming and getting final head count.
yum. purchased at yesterday's fleamarket venture: chile lime pistachios. i had forgotten how wonderful they are, tho a trifle hard on the tongue.
ketzl is enjoying having me home in the middle of the day. in and out. out and in. eating. a few scritches and out again.
those mccain tv ads are giving me the creeps. i just had to say that. sorry if that's a repeat.
tissue alert possible...i'll see where this goes.
i'm becoming increasingly aware of how calculated linda's planning was over the last four years. not only were we having great times together, but she was also planting wonderful flurries of memories that will last me a lifetime. that and the photographic evidence of our travels.
i have 8+ years of cards. today i found one from july 2007, before linda took off for her trip to Ohio last summer. it was an anniversary card, celebrating july 11th, one of our many dates. (you will notice that i skipped that this year. ouch.) she was looking forward to her trip, and looking forward to coming home. i look forward to collecting all of the cards, putting them in date order, and being able to access them as needed. those cards, too, are history and memories. linda had the amazing knack for finding wonderful love notes that were totally romantic but not overly mushy. and somewhere here, this is a stash of empty ones, waiting to be sent. i have them too, for all occasions: valentine's, birthday, anniversary.
side note here: looking at photographs...i can't believe that it took linda so long to get a digital camera. audrey left me the photographs from aug 1999 thru whenever linda went digital. they are sooooo dark, not the crispness we have come to expect in more recent years. but there are some nice images there...good to have them.
second side note: linda and i were such totally different photographers. she would take pictures of the people, but often so close that you could not tell where we were. me, on the other hand, i take pictures of scenery, doors, windows, signs, flags, showing where we were but not necessarily that we were there (i.e., no people in them necessarily). also linda understood her camera much better than i do mine...her macro photos, the close-ups of flowers, butterflies, bees... much better than mine. so we have a lot of what i fondly call "the restaurant photos," pictures of the two of us in many many places, where i have to think, remember what we were wearing, to figure out when and where it was.
today i talked with three friends of Linda's: Elly (and Hazel) in Ft. Lauderdale, Lucy in NJ, and Trish in NYC. Elly and Trish are from White Plains HS '66 and Lucy is from camp...this year is 45th anniversary of her first meeting Linda at Camp Owaissa. she and another friend from camp are getting together on Linda's birthday, August 21, which is this week. last year on the actual day, we were at the SJ Giants (see the picture in the celebration of life handout, with Gigante, the orange orangutan who is the team mascot). i truly think that Linda was aware it was going to be her last birthday. so maybe on thursday, let's all do something to honor linda's 60th.
two fleamarkets visited
lots of flyers left with folks who buy/sell jewelry
still a few more pawnshops to contact
and yeah, still the irony that shops hold things for 30 days after receiving items, but the police don't look at the tags that come in...so bingo, 30 days later stuff is "released" for sale. grrrrr
adam points out that if nothing turns up, it will be ok for me to let go of "the things." he is, of course, correct.
watched lots of olympics. it's really nice that Michael Phelps is such a sweet guy. i cannot imagine 12,000 calories in a day. well, i can't imagine swimming miles over and over again either. very nice that he acknowledges how hard his mom worked, at a job, in graduate school and taking care of 3 kids on her own. a role model for hard work, he said.
nice concert at Cong Beth El in Aptos (two Iraelis, two Palestinians, playing for peace, percussion and oud, a stringed instrument) followed by Marianne's Ice Cream. OMG how wonderful that is! I had lychee and ginger!
at the fleamarket today i bought two pounds of hand-roasted peanuts. according to the SJ Giants, we can bring in peanuts, sunflower seeds and water. so far i think 18 people are coming, so we need to get some free credit union tix in addition to the 15 BBQ and entry tickets already purchased. i need to send an email confirming and getting final head count.
yum. purchased at yesterday's fleamarket venture: chile lime pistachios. i had forgotten how wonderful they are, tho a trifle hard on the tongue.
ketzl is enjoying having me home in the middle of the day. in and out. out and in. eating. a few scritches and out again.
those mccain tv ads are giving me the creeps. i just had to say that. sorry if that's a repeat.
tissue alert possible...i'll see where this goes.
i'm becoming increasingly aware of how calculated linda's planning was over the last four years. not only were we having great times together, but she was also planting wonderful flurries of memories that will last me a lifetime. that and the photographic evidence of our travels.
i have 8+ years of cards. today i found one from july 2007, before linda took off for her trip to Ohio last summer. it was an anniversary card, celebrating july 11th, one of our many dates. (you will notice that i skipped that this year. ouch.) she was looking forward to her trip, and looking forward to coming home. i look forward to collecting all of the cards, putting them in date order, and being able to access them as needed. those cards, too, are history and memories. linda had the amazing knack for finding wonderful love notes that were totally romantic but not overly mushy. and somewhere here, this is a stash of empty ones, waiting to be sent. i have them too, for all occasions: valentine's, birthday, anniversary.
side note here: looking at photographs...i can't believe that it took linda so long to get a digital camera. audrey left me the photographs from aug 1999 thru whenever linda went digital. they are sooooo dark, not the crispness we have come to expect in more recent years. but there are some nice images there...good to have them.
second side note: linda and i were such totally different photographers. she would take pictures of the people, but often so close that you could not tell where we were. me, on the other hand, i take pictures of scenery, doors, windows, signs, flags, showing where we were but not necessarily that we were there (i.e., no people in them necessarily). also linda understood her camera much better than i do mine...her macro photos, the close-ups of flowers, butterflies, bees... much better than mine. so we have a lot of what i fondly call "the restaurant photos," pictures of the two of us in many many places, where i have to think, remember what we were wearing, to figure out when and where it was.
today i talked with three friends of Linda's: Elly (and Hazel) in Ft. Lauderdale, Lucy in NJ, and Trish in NYC. Elly and Trish are from White Plains HS '66 and Lucy is from camp...this year is 45th anniversary of her first meeting Linda at Camp Owaissa. she and another friend from camp are getting together on Linda's birthday, August 21, which is this week. last year on the actual day, we were at the SJ Giants (see the picture in the celebration of life handout, with Gigante, the orange orangutan who is the team mascot). i truly think that Linda was aware it was going to be her last birthday. so maybe on thursday, let's all do something to honor linda's 60th.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
a few important August dates
Aug 7: Adam's birthday
Aug 13: yesterday: 4 months since Linda died (see, I'm measuring in months, not weeks for now)
Aug 15: Elinor's birthday
Aug 18: my parents wedding anniversary; also the day Linda first arrived in California in 1999 (after calling me to remind me to wish my parents happy anniversary)
Aug 21: Linda's birthday
Aug 23: 2nd Annual Linda B. Klein Birthday Baseball Bash @ SJ Giants
i know there are a few more Blauner/Osborn family birthdays
and a few other birthdays thrown in...
but these are the dates that are significant to me today.
Aug 13: yesterday: 4 months since Linda died (see, I'm measuring in months, not weeks for now)
Aug 15: Elinor's birthday
Aug 18: my parents wedding anniversary; also the day Linda first arrived in California in 1999 (after calling me to remind me to wish my parents happy anniversary)
Aug 21: Linda's birthday
Aug 23: 2nd Annual Linda B. Klein Birthday Baseball Bash @ SJ Giants
i know there are a few more Blauner/Osborn family birthdays
and a few other birthdays thrown in...
but these are the dates that are significant to me today.
almost the end of the week
jeremy did passport tango today, up to Oakland to get birth certificate, mail it at the post office with lots of expediting, etc etc
another security system quote this morning and then ketzl got out and i had to drive around the corner where fortunately someone was home across the back fence and i got him and brought him home. argh.
i have an escort to go to the fleamarket with on Saturday.
if one is counting auspicious sightings...
> the flock of FIVE egrets flying overhead as we left the restaurant on Tuesday
> the lovely orange/pink bellies on the grey clouds tonight
> finding receipts documenting initial cost of many of the pieces that were taken.
inauspicious: the McCain commercials. he will tackle big oil? reform wall street? give me a break!
warm thoughts of recovery still most welcome.
another security system quote this morning and then ketzl got out and i had to drive around the corner where fortunately someone was home across the back fence and i got him and brought him home. argh.
i have an escort to go to the fleamarket with on Saturday.
if one is counting auspicious sightings...
> the flock of FIVE egrets flying overhead as we left the restaurant on Tuesday
> the lovely orange/pink bellies on the grey clouds tonight
> finding receipts documenting initial cost of many of the pieces that were taken.
inauspicious: the McCain commercials. he will tackle big oil? reform wall street? give me a break!
warm thoughts of recovery still most welcome.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Tuesday Tuesday
it always amazes me ... Ketzl's reaction to asparagus. i can't cut the pieces quickly enough to get them into the bowl and put it down. he ate it all and is now in a rubenesque pose on top of the piano, with his chin on the music holder. very cute. wonderful cat. tho not much good at guarding the house. maybe he said "nice folks, they left the window open for me to go out. perhaps we should invite them to come back again." i don't think so.
so one quote down, two to go on security systems.
plans to revisit the pawn shops with lists and also the flea market.
also got the suggestion tonight about checking with the outfit that advertises on TV -- send us your gold, we'll send you money. all good ideas.
today jay and cindy introduced me to a new restaurant, not too far from the synagogue: Jerusalem. middle east food. yummy, if you like tabouleh, which i surely do. and baba ganoush. oh yum. and i got to see pictures of Ella, the fabulous grandchild princess. happy birthday tomorrow cindy. see, i've been reading linda's yahoo calendar. and a card from the collection. nice to have them go to good homes. jay wants his angel/mermaid/etc. to have more cleavage. i'll work on that. :~)
one thing about this whole break-in thing: i don't think i've been crying as much in the last few days as i have concentrated on the practicalities of the situation. so i made up for it a bit at dinner. no tissue alert this time. i forget what prompted the tears.
things i don't understand: synchronized diving. Beverly Hills Chihuahua, a new Disney movie. why, when you do laundry, there is so much to put away.
thank you's to everyone who has called, written or thought about me recently. mark the calendar for Saturday, August 23 and the baseball game at the San Jose Giants.
so one quote down, two to go on security systems.
plans to revisit the pawn shops with lists and also the flea market.
also got the suggestion tonight about checking with the outfit that advertises on TV -- send us your gold, we'll send you money. all good ideas.
today jay and cindy introduced me to a new restaurant, not too far from the synagogue: Jerusalem. middle east food. yummy, if you like tabouleh, which i surely do. and baba ganoush. oh yum. and i got to see pictures of Ella, the fabulous grandchild princess. happy birthday tomorrow cindy. see, i've been reading linda's yahoo calendar. and a card from the collection. nice to have them go to good homes. jay wants his angel/mermaid/etc. to have more cleavage. i'll work on that. :~)
one thing about this whole break-in thing: i don't think i've been crying as much in the last few days as i have concentrated on the practicalities of the situation. so i made up for it a bit at dinner. no tissue alert this time. i forget what prompted the tears.
things i don't understand: synchronized diving. Beverly Hills Chihuahua, a new Disney movie. why, when you do laundry, there is so much to put away.
thank you's to everyone who has called, written or thought about me recently. mark the calendar for Saturday, August 23 and the baseball game at the San Jose Giants.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
closing down the weekend
saw Mamma Mia for the second time
it was fun again and a treat to see it with Razmik.
Ketzl caught another baby possum in the backyard this afternoon. argh.
lots of things to do around the house, laundry for one.
still working on the baseball game for August 23rd.
logged on to Linda's email for the first time in eons.
found i had missed a bunch of birthday notifications. argh.
sent a few email belated birthday notes.
froze more nectarines.
"cooked" my first meal in ages at home, if you count folding two pieces of cheese to put them on top of rosemary bread and toast them. garden tomato was pretty good accompaniment.
ah yes. breakfast with J&D at Bill's before the mall trip for alterations and shoes. the original one on Willow is too noisy for me. also saw a lot of people drinking (11AM) bloody mary's (bloody maries??) with a strip of bacon in addition to celery. that was a first. one woman's comment: everything tastes better with bacon.
the quote of the day.
the burglary unit is a Mon-Fri operation so i can't talk to them until tomorrow.
it was fun again and a treat to see it with Razmik.
Ketzl caught another baby possum in the backyard this afternoon. argh.
lots of things to do around the house, laundry for one.
still working on the baseball game for August 23rd.
logged on to Linda's email for the first time in eons.
found i had missed a bunch of birthday notifications. argh.
sent a few email belated birthday notes.
froze more nectarines.
"cooked" my first meal in ages at home, if you count folding two pieces of cheese to put them on top of rosemary bread and toast them. garden tomato was pretty good accompaniment.
ah yes. breakfast with J&D at Bill's before the mall trip for alterations and shoes. the original one on Willow is too noisy for me. also saw a lot of people drinking (11AM) bloody mary's (bloody maries??) with a strip of bacon in addition to celery. that was a first. one woman's comment: everything tastes better with bacon.
the quote of the day.
the burglary unit is a Mon-Fri operation so i can't talk to them until tomorrow.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
the only good thing about this morning
is that it began with sticky rice with mango (and coconut milk and some kind of crispy things for topping)...a small bit left over from last night's dessert. ketzl was not merciful this morning (grrrrr) but Christine and i have already walked and i've polished off the sticky rice with mango. maybe a nice cup of tea will help. i have an insurance claim number and a police report number. and an empty dresser top. sigh.
opening ceremony of the olympics & a sad turn of events
tonight was pretty spectacular.
the former chinese restaurant is now a thai restaurant and the food is really good! we did take-out, we being Jackie (who was originally scheduled) and Christine and Charlie came along too. it is very exciting have a decent (especially Thai) restaurant so close!
the reason that Christine and Charlie came over was that when I got home this evening (after picking up a menu from the restaurant), I found that the house had been broken into. yes. sad. scary. in a bedroom window. took my jewelry boxes. all of them. lots of stuff. fortunately Audrey had taken to NY a lot of stuff from Linda's collection. i was wearing the mystic topaz on the long chain, and a ring that i've been wearing for a while. almost all earrings. really almost. more chains. rings. the small fabric traveling pack (in a drawer they opened, which also contained cash which was left) was not touched. very very important stuff in there that makes me feel a little relieved. for obvious reasons i'm not being too explicit here.
comments vary from "time to get a security system installed" to "glad you weren't home and are safe." obviously someone had been casing the neighborhood, noticing only one car in the driveway, and that when i leave, i'm gone for the day.
whoever it was left a few footprints, perhaps a fingerprint or two. and was neat. the screw-turn lock was placed on top of the drying rack. took a duffel bag from the bedroom and left the items that had been inside nicely placed in a laundry basket, not dumped on the floor. nice young officer came quickly, took report, dusted, took photos, etc.
for the present, i think i don't really get it...it hasn't fully hit yet. so please send your positive vibes out into the world, with the request that even the wooden boxes (including one Daniel made for me in woodshop in middle school) are recovered. the whole thing is pretty awful. but i am safe.
it's all in the timing: i'm timing my haircut for the trip and getting it tomorrow. if i need a trim right before we leave, i can do that. but the wings are really bugging me.
the former chinese restaurant is now a thai restaurant and the food is really good! we did take-out, we being Jackie (who was originally scheduled) and Christine and Charlie came along too. it is very exciting have a decent (especially Thai) restaurant so close!
the reason that Christine and Charlie came over was that when I got home this evening (after picking up a menu from the restaurant), I found that the house had been broken into. yes. sad. scary. in a bedroom window. took my jewelry boxes. all of them. lots of stuff. fortunately Audrey had taken to NY a lot of stuff from Linda's collection. i was wearing the mystic topaz on the long chain, and a ring that i've been wearing for a while. almost all earrings. really almost. more chains. rings. the small fabric traveling pack (in a drawer they opened, which also contained cash which was left) was not touched. very very important stuff in there that makes me feel a little relieved. for obvious reasons i'm not being too explicit here.
comments vary from "time to get a security system installed" to "glad you weren't home and are safe." obviously someone had been casing the neighborhood, noticing only one car in the driveway, and that when i leave, i'm gone for the day.
whoever it was left a few footprints, perhaps a fingerprint or two. and was neat. the screw-turn lock was placed on top of the drying rack. took a duffel bag from the bedroom and left the items that had been inside nicely placed in a laundry basket, not dumped on the floor. nice young officer came quickly, took report, dusted, took photos, etc.
for the present, i think i don't really get it...it hasn't fully hit yet. so please send your positive vibes out into the world, with the request that even the wooden boxes (including one Daniel made for me in woodshop in middle school) are recovered. the whole thing is pretty awful. but i am safe.
it's all in the timing: i'm timing my haircut for the trip and getting it tomorrow. if i need a trim right before we leave, i can do that. but the wings are really bugging me.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
A new challenge for myself
I was thinking tonight that it might be a difficult but useful undertaking to try to identify each day one thing about Linda that I remember, or something that I miss. I think this might be a tissue moment each day. But it feels important. So bear with me and bring your own tissues.
Today, August 7, is Adam Klein's birthday. He turned 33 today, at 10:14 AM. His first birthday without Linda. What I remember about Linda today is her love for her children, and how proud she was of them. She was quite a Momma!
Today, August 7, is Adam Klein's birthday. He turned 33 today, at 10:14 AM. His first birthday without Linda. What I remember about Linda today is her love for her children, and how proud she was of them. She was quite a Momma!
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
A true friend ...
is someone who will brave early morning traffic to arrive at 8:00 AM to help strip the nectarine tree. That would be Jackie. (it's ok for you to blush now, kiddo)
it was a job that i could not have done alone, and Jackie's height and determination really helped. we really did work for an hour and a half, picking more nectarines than you could possibly imagine. and then some. for breakfast, we each ate two that the birds had already sampled (we figured they knew which ones were ripe). so with the ladder, the fruit picking basket, lots of paper bags that Jackie brought... it is now done. you who live elsewhere: i'm so sorry that we cannot share these wonderful fragrant fruits, Linda's favorite, from the tree that she picked them from almost 9 years ago on her first visit to California. just imagine the best nectarine you've ever tasted. yep...that's it! now i have to peel and cut more to freeze and give more away.
tissue alert...
yesterday at my appointment with Laura, my bereavement counselor at Hospice of the Valley (the wonderful band of fluttering angels), she asked (for the first time) if i wanted to light a candle. and then at the end of the session, Laura remarked that just as the flame is extinguished, the smoke, the scent of the candle lingers on, just as memories of Linda continue in our lives. i was totally unaware that the candle was there every week. now i can choose to light it if i wish. oh, and i had brought with me two photos from Linda's FIRST visit to california. there is one (stay tuned, I will learn to scan it and post it here) sitting in the kitchen, white banded collar shirt, leaning forward....she is SOOOOOO adorable in that picture. everyone agrees! that's the one i happened to have with me on Tuesday. so now i will look for a different photo each time i go, and light the candle with memories of the time when the picture was taken. good idea. small ritual.
of course in Judaism, there is the tradition of lighting a candle when someone dies...the seven day candle after the funeral, and then every year on the anniversary of the death. as difficult as things can be, one week at a time, even when i don't go to services and say the kaddish prayer, i cannot imagine what it will feel like next April. oh dear. Linda's family observes the date in the Jewish calendar. i'm not sure which i will do, Jewish or Gregorian. i don't have to decide yet. or maybe i'll do both. and i will light the candle (perhaps the electric, out of concern for Ketzl). you can't see it, but the tears are just rolling down my cheeks.
i will be ok. i always am. but still almost every day i cry. it is good. it is important to release the sadness, to let go of the tears.
today i had a cup of tea (well, green tea frap, thanks for the recommendation, Jeff) with a woman whose son died a year and a half ago. i sent her the names of the books i recommend and a copy of my dvar torah from last week. we talked about stuff and things. i remind myself (by saying to her) that the grief is a container when there is no place to put the love. and it is important to go through it. cuz you can't go around it.
today i wore my Carrie Fisher t-shirt: black with the words
"Instant gratification takes too long"
one foot in front of the other. that's what a journey is.
in the Torah, this week marks the beginning of the book of Deuteronomy. the Hebrew name of the book is Devarim, which means words. here's a small section of the commentary on this week's portion from the Union for Reform Judaism site (http://urj.org/torah/index.cfm?):
"The Book of Deuteronomy presents Moses’s retelling of the Israelites’ journeys, all having led up to their current position: poised on the border of the Promised Land, about to enter an uncertain communal future together. Those who closely study these texts learn that occasionally the details of the stories seem to change from the events recorded earlier in the Torah and Moses’s recounting of them in Deuteronomy. Far from presenting theological difficulties for us, however, these variations reveal the marvelous fractal properties of Deuteronomy: it is essentially a story about a story about a story. And as we add our own stories, the narratives continue to curl in upon each other, coiling like a nautilus."
it's part of what i love about being a Reform Jew...we do add our stories. Torah is a living, changing set of stories. our experience of Torah is informed by our lives as our lives are informed by our understanding and interpretation of Torah.
the nectarines are calling.
there are a lot of new movies coming out
and there is still the 2nd viewing of Mamma Mia yet to do.
it was a job that i could not have done alone, and Jackie's height and determination really helped. we really did work for an hour and a half, picking more nectarines than you could possibly imagine. and then some. for breakfast, we each ate two that the birds had already sampled (we figured they knew which ones were ripe). so with the ladder, the fruit picking basket, lots of paper bags that Jackie brought... it is now done. you who live elsewhere: i'm so sorry that we cannot share these wonderful fragrant fruits, Linda's favorite, from the tree that she picked them from almost 9 years ago on her first visit to California. just imagine the best nectarine you've ever tasted. yep...that's it! now i have to peel and cut more to freeze and give more away.
tissue alert...
yesterday at my appointment with Laura, my bereavement counselor at Hospice of the Valley (the wonderful band of fluttering angels), she asked (for the first time) if i wanted to light a candle. and then at the end of the session, Laura remarked that just as the flame is extinguished, the smoke, the scent of the candle lingers on, just as memories of Linda continue in our lives. i was totally unaware that the candle was there every week. now i can choose to light it if i wish. oh, and i had brought with me two photos from Linda's FIRST visit to california. there is one (stay tuned, I will learn to scan it and post it here) sitting in the kitchen, white banded collar shirt, leaning forward....she is SOOOOOO adorable in that picture. everyone agrees! that's the one i happened to have with me on Tuesday. so now i will look for a different photo each time i go, and light the candle with memories of the time when the picture was taken. good idea. small ritual.
of course in Judaism, there is the tradition of lighting a candle when someone dies...the seven day candle after the funeral, and then every year on the anniversary of the death. as difficult as things can be, one week at a time, even when i don't go to services and say the kaddish prayer, i cannot imagine what it will feel like next April. oh dear. Linda's family observes the date in the Jewish calendar. i'm not sure which i will do, Jewish or Gregorian. i don't have to decide yet. or maybe i'll do both. and i will light the candle (perhaps the electric, out of concern for Ketzl). you can't see it, but the tears are just rolling down my cheeks.
i will be ok. i always am. but still almost every day i cry. it is good. it is important to release the sadness, to let go of the tears.
today i had a cup of tea (well, green tea frap, thanks for the recommendation, Jeff) with a woman whose son died a year and a half ago. i sent her the names of the books i recommend and a copy of my dvar torah from last week. we talked about stuff and things. i remind myself (by saying to her) that the grief is a container when there is no place to put the love. and it is important to go through it. cuz you can't go around it.
today i wore my Carrie Fisher t-shirt: black with the words
"Instant gratification takes too long"
one foot in front of the other. that's what a journey is.
in the Torah, this week marks the beginning of the book of Deuteronomy. the Hebrew name of the book is Devarim, which means words. here's a small section of the commentary on this week's portion from the Union for Reform Judaism site (http://urj.org/torah/index.cfm?):
"The Book of Deuteronomy presents Moses’s retelling of the Israelites’ journeys, all having led up to their current position: poised on the border of the Promised Land, about to enter an uncertain communal future together. Those who closely study these texts learn that occasionally the details of the stories seem to change from the events recorded earlier in the Torah and Moses’s recounting of them in Deuteronomy. Far from presenting theological difficulties for us, however, these variations reveal the marvelous fractal properties of Deuteronomy: it is essentially a story about a story about a story. And as we add our own stories, the narratives continue to curl in upon each other, coiling like a nautilus."
it's part of what i love about being a Reform Jew...we do add our stories. Torah is a living, changing set of stories. our experience of Torah is informed by our lives as our lives are informed by our understanding and interpretation of Torah.
the nectarines are calling.
there are a lot of new movies coming out
and there is still the 2nd viewing of Mamma Mia yet to do.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
today was a three bird day
when Christine and i were walking, an egret flew overhead. that's something that always makes my heart sing. when we got back to the house, there was a small hawk sitting on the horizontal bar on the streetlight outside the house. then he took off and flew on silent wings. then later in the afternoon i saw a redtail hawk flying near the freeway. pretty darn exciting. a three bird day.
lessons from Linda:
when approaching a traffic signal on green, speed up just a bit. if you brake and it turns yellow, you will have to stop. if you speed up and it turns yellow, most likely you will make it through. and at the price of gas these days, who wants to spend more time sitting at a red light.
pack for travel with a color palette: black/white/grey, or tan/brown, or navy. that way more stuff goes together and you take fewer shoes. hard for me to do cuz so many of my tops are colorful. but i think i'll do black for the europe trip. lots of black pants, 2 pairs of black walking shoes. we will pack one suitcase with the dressy stuff and then figure out a way to check it or have someone come pick it up while we are gone for the first 5 days.
christine approved of the smaller fabric flower ... it even has a few curly feathers and a bit of sparkle. and the purse is great. (thanks so much Audrey for going on the hunt in NYC and shipping them here.) and the blue sandals for the party dress will be fine. now the only thing i really need to buy is a pair of simple black pumps.
i am worried that i saw a new possum in the back tonight, and ketzl's reaction was pretty strong. grrrr.
lessons from Linda:
when approaching a traffic signal on green, speed up just a bit. if you brake and it turns yellow, you will have to stop. if you speed up and it turns yellow, most likely you will make it through. and at the price of gas these days, who wants to spend more time sitting at a red light.
pack for travel with a color palette: black/white/grey, or tan/brown, or navy. that way more stuff goes together and you take fewer shoes. hard for me to do cuz so many of my tops are colorful. but i think i'll do black for the europe trip. lots of black pants, 2 pairs of black walking shoes. we will pack one suitcase with the dressy stuff and then figure out a way to check it or have someone come pick it up while we are gone for the first 5 days.
christine approved of the smaller fabric flower ... it even has a few curly feathers and a bit of sparkle. and the purse is great. (thanks so much Audrey for going on the hunt in NYC and shipping them here.) and the blue sandals for the party dress will be fine. now the only thing i really need to buy is a pair of simple black pumps.
i am worried that i saw a new possum in the back tonight, and ketzl's reaction was pretty strong. grrrr.
Monday, August 4, 2008
a chain and several flowers
the cold slither of a gold chain on my neck.
this morning i put on a nice chain with a mystic topaz pendant
they were Linda's. the topaz we bought recently at a gift show in San Francisco.
Linda was taller than I am. much. almost a foot.
and she wore lots of chains. often many of them at the same time.
referred to early on by Adam and David as her "Mr. T starter set."
so what was a long chain on Linda is even longer on me.
as Marcy pointed out, i can wear whatever i want, under my blouse if i want.
kind of like tzitzit k'tan (which means "small fringes," and is a small prayershawl worn under clothing by orthodox men).
something i wear for me and only i know it's there.
it worked today.
Audrey had a successful foray in NYC. she found 3 different flowers to go on the chanel-like suit that i plan to wear to the wedding ceremony of David and Julia, September 13 in Germany. two of them could work, and one is exactly as Linda F. suggested: a fabric one in solid black. she also found a wonderful small evening bag in a more pewter than silver color. i really like it and can now look for shoes to go with. Macy's may be next.
this morning i put on a nice chain with a mystic topaz pendant
they were Linda's. the topaz we bought recently at a gift show in San Francisco.
Linda was taller than I am. much. almost a foot.
and she wore lots of chains. often many of them at the same time.
referred to early on by Adam and David as her "Mr. T starter set."
so what was a long chain on Linda is even longer on me.
as Marcy pointed out, i can wear whatever i want, under my blouse if i want.
kind of like tzitzit k'tan (which means "small fringes," and is a small prayershawl worn under clothing by orthodox men).
something i wear for me and only i know it's there.
it worked today.
Audrey had a successful foray in NYC. she found 3 different flowers to go on the chanel-like suit that i plan to wear to the wedding ceremony of David and Julia, September 13 in Germany. two of them could work, and one is exactly as Linda F. suggested: a fabric one in solid black. she also found a wonderful small evening bag in a more pewter than silver color. i really like it and can now look for shoes to go with. Macy's may be next.
John F. Seiberling, r.i.p.
Former Ohio Congressman John Seiberling dies at 89
2 days ago
COPLEY, Ohio (AP) — Former Rep. John F. Seiberling, who served on the committee that led impeachment hearings against President Richard Nixon and laid the groundwork for Ohio's only national park, died Saturday. He was 89.
Seiberling died of respiratory failure at his home near Akron after a long illness, said his wife, Betty Seiberling.
Seiberling, a Democrat, had been a corporate attorney for Akron-based Goodyear Tire & Rubber Co. {which was founded by his ancestors} for 17 years when he decided to run for Congress in 1970 because of his opposition to the Vietnam War. He unseated longtime Republican Rep. William Ayres.
Seiberling led a House subcommittee on public lands and national parks that preserved 129 million acres, including areas in Alaska and the area in northeastern Ohio that eventually became Cuyahoga Valley National Park.
In 1974, Seiberling was a member of the House Judiciary Committee as it led the impeachment hearings against Nixon, who resigned from office before a vote was taken.
After retiring from Congress in 1987, Seiberling taught at the University of Akron School of Law and directed the university's Center for Peace Studies.
Relevance here: Linda worked on his congressional campaign.
2 days ago
COPLEY, Ohio (AP) — Former Rep. John F. Seiberling, who served on the committee that led impeachment hearings against President Richard Nixon and laid the groundwork for Ohio's only national park, died Saturday. He was 89.
Seiberling died of respiratory failure at his home near Akron after a long illness, said his wife, Betty Seiberling.
Seiberling, a Democrat, had been a corporate attorney for Akron-based Goodyear Tire & Rubber Co. {which was founded by his ancestors} for 17 years when he decided to run for Congress in 1970 because of his opposition to the Vietnam War. He unseated longtime Republican Rep. William Ayres.
Seiberling led a House subcommittee on public lands and national parks that preserved 129 million acres, including areas in Alaska and the area in northeastern Ohio that eventually became Cuyahoga Valley National Park.
In 1974, Seiberling was a member of the House Judiciary Committee as it led the impeachment hearings against Nixon, who resigned from office before a vote was taken.
After retiring from Congress in 1987, Seiberling taught at the University of Akron School of Law and directed the university's Center for Peace Studies.
Relevance here: Linda worked on his congressional campaign.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Sunday and it's August already
That is hard to believe. well, it's been August since Friday. i know that.
August is pretty significant. for Linda's birthday (and the rest of the Leo birthdays in her family, and Elinor's, for the first time Linda came to California. for my parents' anniversary).
Jeremy and I had a good visit to my father, Jack, in Santa Monica. It's hard to go up and back on one day, but worth it. we took our bathing suits and took a little dip before dinner. jeremy beat me in a one-lap race. well, if he hadn't, that would have been really scary.
one really good thing (omg ketzl is licking my foot and it tickles!)
on the plane on the way home, we did both of the crossword puzzles in the Spirit magazine. you might remember that i have not done any puzzles since Linda died. i feel this is a major step. the easy one was pretty easy. we tried to start with the harder one but got stuck right away. when we went back, jeremy started in the lower right corner, and we blazed ahead, working our way up and over and finished in the top left. it feels really good to have taken that step. remember that a journey is made up of many steps. and this is "the journey continues."
what other choice do we have? one foot in front of the other.
ketzl is not happy about my being gone all day.
he wants to go back outside. you should hear his yowl...at the front door.
ok so he got so rambunctious that i had to put him out again. he was doing his run around the house and up on things, and i was worried that things might get broken.
tomorrow will come plenty early.
August is pretty significant. for Linda's birthday (and the rest of the Leo birthdays in her family, and Elinor's, for the first time Linda came to California. for my parents' anniversary).
Jeremy and I had a good visit to my father, Jack, in Santa Monica. It's hard to go up and back on one day, but worth it. we took our bathing suits and took a little dip before dinner. jeremy beat me in a one-lap race. well, if he hadn't, that would have been really scary.
one really good thing (omg ketzl is licking my foot and it tickles!)
on the plane on the way home, we did both of the crossword puzzles in the Spirit magazine. you might remember that i have not done any puzzles since Linda died. i feel this is a major step. the easy one was pretty easy. we tried to start with the harder one but got stuck right away. when we went back, jeremy started in the lower right corner, and we blazed ahead, working our way up and over and finished in the top left. it feels really good to have taken that step. remember that a journey is made up of many steps. and this is "the journey continues."
what other choice do we have? one foot in front of the other.
ketzl is not happy about my being gone all day.
he wants to go back outside. you should hear his yowl...at the front door.
ok so he got so rambunctious that i had to put him out again. he was doing his run around the house and up on things, and i was worried that things might get broken.
tomorrow will come plenty early.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Amazing news from Saturday
well it needs to start with Friday. always a bit of a busy day at a synagogue. new exec director starting on Monday. some excitement. i had hoped to go home for a bit to let Ketzl out but that just didn't happen (surprise, not). also needed to do the outside board, something i swear i should never leave for a Friday. and i think every time of how Linda used to help me and really put the letters up straight before she moved to California... so i stayed through to services, since i was participating in the women's summer shabbat by giving the D'var Torah, which is kinda like the sermon portion. i did some explanation and some interpretation, and did just fine as long as i was speaking the words of others (cut and paste works really well). then i had two sentences at the end, and i just lost it. fortunately i was able to regain my composure to read the last sentences. i did it. then dinner with Mim Bloom who is a real character. yummy thai food. yummy.
today Jackie and i went to morning services (to get our Meeka fix) using the new Reform prayerbook, Mishkan Tefillah. i had used it at "camp" in Wisconsin in June and really liked it. this was the first time Meeka was leading since the books arrived, and she was very excited and happy and singing her heart out. it was great.
next on the agenda was lunch with Linda F in Mt. View (mostly half way for both of us). we traded...i brought nectarines (gotta give them away quickly) and she brought a loaf of rosemary bread. which unfortunately i left under my chair and had planned to retrieve tonite but....
daniel called and we did sushi and frozen yogurt for dinner. then i had a copy of "Good Grief" and a lovely photo card for Carrie Fisher that i was going to drop off at the theater and head up to Mt. View. but the house manager and her personal assistant were so touched that i was actually able to stay to see the show tonight, closing night. wow. that was pretty special. i did stay around after people left but was told that she was leaving pretty quickly and was not seeing anyone but expressed appreciation for the card and book. also, i had to get the t=shirt, "instant gratification takes too long!" i also got a few more of the programs.
so i will call the restaurant, ask them to put the bread in the freezer and i'll go up on Monday.
time to pack the nectarines for their trip to Los Angeles, and a few other things. fortunately i looked up my confirmation and found out that the flight is ONE HOUR EARLiER than i had thought. OMG. that changes the morning plan.
today Jackie and i went to morning services (to get our Meeka fix) using the new Reform prayerbook, Mishkan Tefillah. i had used it at "camp" in Wisconsin in June and really liked it. this was the first time Meeka was leading since the books arrived, and she was very excited and happy and singing her heart out. it was great.
next on the agenda was lunch with Linda F in Mt. View (mostly half way for both of us). we traded...i brought nectarines (gotta give them away quickly) and she brought a loaf of rosemary bread. which unfortunately i left under my chair and had planned to retrieve tonite but....
daniel called and we did sushi and frozen yogurt for dinner. then i had a copy of "Good Grief" and a lovely photo card for Carrie Fisher that i was going to drop off at the theater and head up to Mt. View. but the house manager and her personal assistant were so touched that i was actually able to stay to see the show tonight, closing night. wow. that was pretty special. i did stay around after people left but was told that she was leaving pretty quickly and was not seeing anyone but expressed appreciation for the card and book. also, i had to get the t=shirt, "instant gratification takes too long!" i also got a few more of the programs.
so i will call the restaurant, ask them to put the bread in the freezer and i'll go up on Monday.
time to pack the nectarines for their trip to Los Angeles, and a few other things. fortunately i looked up my confirmation and found out that the flight is ONE HOUR EARLiER than i had thought. OMG. that changes the morning plan.
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