finally i am remembering to write this down!!
when Shelley and i were eating our brats by the lake, there was an older dad there (actually from california, we found out) with his 3 yr old son. they were closer to the water and feeding the birds. the father explained the situation to the son, using the word metaphor, which in itself was great...
see, there are two kinds of birds: the duck, who simply waits for the food to come to him, and the seagull, who actively gets in there and tries to get the food. this is a metaphor for life, he said, and it is better to be the seagull.
the man is a graduate student and looking forward to getting back to Laguna Beach in a year or so. and in the meantime, he is teaching his son life lessons using important words.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
From a 150 yr old Victorian house in Elgin IL
Thanks, Liz, for picking me up in Wisconsin and driving me all over, to here and to dinner in Chicago with your brother and Tony. Very nice afternoon and evening. Liz and I are talking nonstop, so the drives are going by pretty quickly.
Liz is now reading the book of Linda stories. I hope to have them as a PDF or something that will be available to everyone (who wants to see). That will have to wait for a consultation with folks more savvy than I am. Clearly.
So we said goodbye this morning, the 6 of us students and one rabbi who participated in the workshop. I think it was useful. We'll see. The "product" of the weekend was a thesis statement for life: what rules / suggestions do we want to live by, what would we share with others. I'll share mine a bit later. Rabbi Karyn Kedar said to put the list in our High Holiday prayerbook and not look at it until then (end of September). I think I need to process a bit more first.
None of the floors in this house are absolutely flat and perpendicular to the ground. It is totally delightful and filled with a wide variety of art. Lots of fun.
It will not be easy, getting all my stuff packed into the suitcase. But I still have room to expand it to accomodate shoes that were in the back seat of the car during the drive, and the t-shirts (go Badgers!) that were purchased, etc.
And so, this stage of the journey is almost complete. It was very important to get away from California (but i do miss all you guys, really i do). I needed some perspective and some distance and now it is almost time to get back to the new version of normal. The revised, edited version of Deborah. At times it is easier than others. And that's good. I still carry tissues regularly. One book said it is good to spend half an hour each day thinking about our loved one. That is both easy and difficult. Thanks to Shelley's reminder, I can hear Linda's voice, on her outgoing message on the cell phone. That's all I have. It still is a sadness that we didn't do any voice recordings or videotapes of Linda....singing, laughing, playing music. Anything. There is nothing except that small snippet and a small piece on Rochelle's old answering machine. I have been told that it will come back to me later. I can feel Linda's touch, snuggling in her left arm. That's important too, but I'd like to be able to hear her voice. Really I would.
Liz is now reading the book of Linda stories. I hope to have them as a PDF or something that will be available to everyone (who wants to see). That will have to wait for a consultation with folks more savvy than I am. Clearly.
So we said goodbye this morning, the 6 of us students and one rabbi who participated in the workshop. I think it was useful. We'll see. The "product" of the weekend was a thesis statement for life: what rules / suggestions do we want to live by, what would we share with others. I'll share mine a bit later. Rabbi Karyn Kedar said to put the list in our High Holiday prayerbook and not look at it until then (end of September). I think I need to process a bit more first.
None of the floors in this house are absolutely flat and perpendicular to the ground. It is totally delightful and filled with a wide variety of art. Lots of fun.
It will not be easy, getting all my stuff packed into the suitcase. But I still have room to expand it to accomodate shoes that were in the back seat of the car during the drive, and the t-shirts (go Badgers!) that were purchased, etc.
And so, this stage of the journey is almost complete. It was very important to get away from California (but i do miss all you guys, really i do). I needed some perspective and some distance and now it is almost time to get back to the new version of normal. The revised, edited version of Deborah. At times it is easier than others. And that's good. I still carry tissues regularly. One book said it is good to spend half an hour each day thinking about our loved one. That is both easy and difficult. Thanks to Shelley's reminder, I can hear Linda's voice, on her outgoing message on the cell phone. That's all I have. It still is a sadness that we didn't do any voice recordings or videotapes of Linda....singing, laughing, playing music. Anything. There is nothing except that small snippet and a small piece on Rochelle's old answering machine. I have been told that it will come back to me later. I can feel Linda's touch, snuggling in her left arm. That's important too, but I'd like to be able to hear her voice. Really I would.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Shabbat at Camp
This morning's tefillah (worship) was led by the teens (between jr and sr years of high school). a lot of music and a wonderful story. this week's portion is Korach, the story of the rebellion against Moses' leadership by Korach and others. instead of valuing the best in Moses, Korach was concerned for himself and wanted a leadership position. he mounts the confrontation, and in punishment, the earth literally swallows them and their families. the story told by a 17 yr old was on seeing the good in people, and how last Thursday he thought he was late for lunch, and on his way met another student who told him that he just found out that a friend had died. the speaker related how he offered words of comfort, and later how he was so touched that this friend had seen the best in him, had trusted that his confidence would be well placed. and then, they got to the dining room, and there was no one there. oh my, i've missed lunch completely, he thought. then he found a clock. he was a half hour EARLY. it's also about being in the right place at the right time. so that he could be there for his friend.
turns out i missed the thunderstorm. here i thought it was my suite mate in the shower, but it was really a pouring of rain, and there is more thunder. exciting times in the midwest!!
we have a homework assignment in the class. we are reading a variety of different texts (i don't have the book with me at the moment but it is a collection of small pieces from Eastern Europe, the hassidic tradition. we are looking closely at a list of ten (maybe more maybe less) statements that constitute the "thesis statement" for the lives of the authors. we will be writing our own soon. what are the important things that guide our life?
earlier, rabbi kedar spoke about how we lack the vocabulary for talking about god and things spiritual. one woman said she was ok with some of the statements if you took the word "god" out of them. doesn't matter either way.
one interesting piece of the text study this morning:
there are several prayers that talk about light and dark, night and day, dawn and dusk. think about the transition time: when the light is changing, as it gets just a little bit darker on toward evening and eventually night. the hebrew word is the same as "roll" as in the light is rolling....the screen that is light rolls away and enables us to see the luminaries/stars of the night sky. it is a gentle thing.
progress? last night when we said the mourner's kaddish, a prayer which does not mention death, btw, i only teared up but didn't cry.
today for reading torah, what was used as a pointer (yad/hand in Hebrew so you don't touch the actual scroll) was a caribiner. cool.
i spoke to Liz on the phone (just as she was thinking of me) and she is all set to print out directions and come fetch me in the morning. we are very excited to meet face to face.
Linda tip for the day: when you get back from a trip, go in through the garage so you can leave the plastic bag of dirty laundry down by the washing machine ... no need to take it into the house.
turns out i missed the thunderstorm. here i thought it was my suite mate in the shower, but it was really a pouring of rain, and there is more thunder. exciting times in the midwest!!
we have a homework assignment in the class. we are reading a variety of different texts (i don't have the book with me at the moment but it is a collection of small pieces from Eastern Europe, the hassidic tradition. we are looking closely at a list of ten (maybe more maybe less) statements that constitute the "thesis statement" for the lives of the authors. we will be writing our own soon. what are the important things that guide our life?
earlier, rabbi kedar spoke about how we lack the vocabulary for talking about god and things spiritual. one woman said she was ok with some of the statements if you took the word "god" out of them. doesn't matter either way.
one interesting piece of the text study this morning:
there are several prayers that talk about light and dark, night and day, dawn and dusk. think about the transition time: when the light is changing, as it gets just a little bit darker on toward evening and eventually night. the hebrew word is the same as "roll" as in the light is rolling....the screen that is light rolls away and enables us to see the luminaries/stars of the night sky. it is a gentle thing.
progress? last night when we said the mourner's kaddish, a prayer which does not mention death, btw, i only teared up but didn't cry.
today for reading torah, what was used as a pointer (yad/hand in Hebrew so you don't touch the actual scroll) was a caribiner. cool.
i spoke to Liz on the phone (just as she was thinking of me) and she is all set to print out directions and come fetch me in the morning. we are very excited to meet face to face.
Linda tip for the day: when you get back from a trip, go in through the garage so you can leave the plastic bag of dirty laundry down by the washing machine ... no need to take it into the house.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Shabbat in Wisconsin
It was an amazing dinner with 700 campers and a few adults.
Followed by a magnificent sing...loud and enthusiastic. One of our Lehrhaus participants' son is a songleader, and twin sister is head of the arts unit.
There are so many mosquitos. I don't think I'd take fireflies if I could get rid of the biters. Very bad year because of all the water. We are here in high season. Oh joy.
Elly: by the way, we did make it to Wall Drug. It's not really the largest drug store...rather a very large advertising and marketing ploy.
We are having a good time, and now it's time for one more study, so i'll catch up tomorrow. Hopefully bug free. I'm wearing a jacket not because it is cold but against mosquitos.
out comes the food for the staff....
lots of fun!!
Followed by a magnificent sing...loud and enthusiastic. One of our Lehrhaus participants' son is a songleader, and twin sister is head of the arts unit.
There are so many mosquitos. I don't think I'd take fireflies if I could get rid of the biters. Very bad year because of all the water. We are here in high season. Oh joy.
Elly: by the way, we did make it to Wall Drug. It's not really the largest drug store...rather a very large advertising and marketing ploy.
We are having a good time, and now it's time for one more study, so i'll catch up tomorrow. Hopefully bug free. I'm wearing a jacket not because it is cold but against mosquitos.
out comes the food for the staff....
lots of fun!!
Here in Wisconsin...
Lots and lots of driving. Many miles. It occurs to me in retrospect, it might have been nice to keep a written log of where we stayed, how many miles each day. Ah well...it can be reconstructed at a later date.
Small motels, no wireless, no cell phone contact in all of South Dakota which is incredibly flat and boring (well, Hwy 90 is). We stopped in MN overnight and got up very early and did leave by 6 AM on Thursday. $4.30 got us two donuts, 2 large coffees and one small coffee for the road. We touched based with Stanley Kutler starting at 8 AM. He basically talked us in and we met for (more) coffee in Madison. What a fabulous fellow he is! I can totally understand how he and Linda would get along so well for 40 years! Working on his HBO deal about Watergate and he was on his way to Chicago do discuss production of his play, "I, Nixon." A lively intellect and a lot of fun. We gave him 2 apricots from the tree and some almonds for the trip. Good Jewish mother.
The next two hours were spent at the UW campus and wandering on State Street. Got the required Badger memorabilia and clothing at the student store, ate brats by the shore of Lake Mendota. Took a few photos and then pushed east. Good thing it wasn't dark. The roads are bad enough to navigate in daylight, with not such great signage.
So I'm here at OSRUI, Olin Sang Ruby Union Institute, the midwest camp of the Reform movement. Here with 5 other students (a small group) and Rabbi Karyn Kedar of a large congregation in the north Chicago suburbs. Interesting people...all of whom knew Karyn from before.
During introductions I did the expected meltdown (and of course forgot to bring my own tissues, shades of my first Kallah in 98 when I wept through tefillah (prayer services) with Debbie Friedman), but the other students are very understanding.
Wildlife yesterday included 3 cranes flying overhead. A lot more horses. And mosquitos!! When Shelley came to California last week (was it only a week???) she asked when it would get humid. "It won't," we replied. "You're kidding!" she said. Nope. And when do the bugs come out. "They don't," we said. "You're kidding?!" she replied. Nope. So for weather alone, Shelley thinks California is incredible. But here there are mosquitos and I didn't bring bug repellent. Just gotta remember to stay inside after dark. Took a Benadryl for the bites and it probably helped me sleep well too.
On the whole trip we logged the license plates from 36 different states and 3 Canadian provinces. A lot of Washingtonians on the road this summer. Gas prices varied from $3.86 to $4.39, I think. We were never sure when we crossed state boundaries would it be cheaper or more expensive in the next. The rest stops on Hwy 90 are really nice. Some are really big affairs attached to visitor information centers with nice gardens and informational signs outside.
So this is another stop on the journey. A temporary haven (and study) before I have to return to the new reality. They sing different melodies than in California, I heard last night. Shelley let me drive from Madison here to camp. That was very considerate...last drive. And now the Tovah car is on its way with Shelley to Stow, Ohio. The actual time of transition, saying goodbye to Shelley and Linda's car, was hard, but once past I hope it will be easier. Shelley left a message that there was so much flooding in this area that she had to backtrack almost to Madison to get going south to Hwy 80. Frustrating loss of an hour, not to mention waste of gas. I guess it's hard to keep up on where things bog down (literally).
The camp is lovely...so very green. Unfortunately we can't go in the lake but I plan to walk around a bit during free time. Two huge squirrels just ran across the lawn. There is wireless access in the meeting room of the lodge, with comfy couches. Joined by another Mac user here at the wireless outpost. I asked the manager if she could get some peanut butter so I can up my protein for breakfast...yesterday was way too many white carbs.
It feels wonderful to be studying again. I am looking forward to rejoining Melton classes in the fall.
It's only 6 AM in California...the post time is set to the time on the computer.
Small motels, no wireless, no cell phone contact in all of South Dakota which is incredibly flat and boring (well, Hwy 90 is). We stopped in MN overnight and got up very early and did leave by 6 AM on Thursday. $4.30 got us two donuts, 2 large coffees and one small coffee for the road. We touched based with Stanley Kutler starting at 8 AM. He basically talked us in and we met for (more) coffee in Madison. What a fabulous fellow he is! I can totally understand how he and Linda would get along so well for 40 years! Working on his HBO deal about Watergate and he was on his way to Chicago do discuss production of his play, "I, Nixon." A lively intellect and a lot of fun. We gave him 2 apricots from the tree and some almonds for the trip. Good Jewish mother.
The next two hours were spent at the UW campus and wandering on State Street. Got the required Badger memorabilia and clothing at the student store, ate brats by the shore of Lake Mendota. Took a few photos and then pushed east. Good thing it wasn't dark. The roads are bad enough to navigate in daylight, with not such great signage.
So I'm here at OSRUI, Olin Sang Ruby Union Institute, the midwest camp of the Reform movement. Here with 5 other students (a small group) and Rabbi Karyn Kedar of a large congregation in the north Chicago suburbs. Interesting people...all of whom knew Karyn from before.
During introductions I did the expected meltdown (and of course forgot to bring my own tissues, shades of my first Kallah in 98 when I wept through tefillah (prayer services) with Debbie Friedman), but the other students are very understanding.
Wildlife yesterday included 3 cranes flying overhead. A lot more horses. And mosquitos!! When Shelley came to California last week (was it only a week???) she asked when it would get humid. "It won't," we replied. "You're kidding!" she said. Nope. And when do the bugs come out. "They don't," we said. "You're kidding?!" she replied. Nope. So for weather alone, Shelley thinks California is incredible. But here there are mosquitos and I didn't bring bug repellent. Just gotta remember to stay inside after dark. Took a Benadryl for the bites and it probably helped me sleep well too.
On the whole trip we logged the license plates from 36 different states and 3 Canadian provinces. A lot of Washingtonians on the road this summer. Gas prices varied from $3.86 to $4.39, I think. We were never sure when we crossed state boundaries would it be cheaper or more expensive in the next. The rest stops on Hwy 90 are really nice. Some are really big affairs attached to visitor information centers with nice gardens and informational signs outside.
So this is another stop on the journey. A temporary haven (and study) before I have to return to the new reality. They sing different melodies than in California, I heard last night. Shelley let me drive from Madison here to camp. That was very considerate...last drive. And now the Tovah car is on its way with Shelley to Stow, Ohio. The actual time of transition, saying goodbye to Shelley and Linda's car, was hard, but once past I hope it will be easier. Shelley left a message that there was so much flooding in this area that she had to backtrack almost to Madison to get going south to Hwy 80. Frustrating loss of an hour, not to mention waste of gas. I guess it's hard to keep up on where things bog down (literally).
The camp is lovely...so very green. Unfortunately we can't go in the lake but I plan to walk around a bit during free time. Two huge squirrels just ran across the lawn. There is wireless access in the meeting room of the lodge, with comfy couches. Joined by another Mac user here at the wireless outpost. I asked the manager if she could get some peanut butter so I can up my protein for breakfast...yesterday was way too many white carbs.
It feels wonderful to be studying again. I am looking forward to rejoining Melton classes in the fall.
It's only 6 AM in California...the post time is set to the time on the computer.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
43 deer and counting...
That's how many we saw in less than 45 min on Hwy 14 over the Bighorn Mtns at dusk in Wyoming. Wow.
Today was a pretty much driving day after we left Margarita and Don's place but we slacked off a bit in Cody WY and are now about 3 hrs behind schedule in driving. Sierra Trading Post's outlet store was a MAJOR disappointment but that meant cheaper. I got a new salmon (sort of) long sleeved shirt with SPF of 30 and a nice texture. And that was all. Cody is a nice little very western town with the Buffalo Bill Cody Museum and a re-enactment of a gunfight in the street at 6 PM. Dinner was lovely and Italian. Stopped in a few shops to look at photographs, smell the boots, and check out jewelry. It never hurts to look, does it?
Tomorrow will be a huge push (how would Linda drive?) and hopefully get us well into MN for the night. Stanley Kutler has asked to meet us for breakfast instead of brunch because he needs to take a bus down to Chicago for a play that is being produced soon, this in addition to the HBO special he is consulting on about Watergate. Wow quite the life!
The vistas are amazing, the size and color and varied shapes of rocks and formations. Passed a granite formation today that was 2.5 billion years old. That's what the sign said. We took a lot of pictures.
Because we are running late, there will be no time for Mt. Rushmore. Which is OK by me as I am getting accustomed to having fewer people around. There are times on the road when we are the only car that we can see.
Lots of cattle ranches. Lots of horses. Some sheep.
Overall the weather has been great. Not too hot so we don't run the a/c all the time. Only a bit of a sprinkle this evening.
I'm not tired of saying "wow!" because things are different each time we turn a corner in the road and there could be something totally amazing appearing in front of us. So I will continue to say "wow" and "that's so amazing" and other expressions of incredulity.
Tomorrow the music will include the Lovin' Spoonful and Donna Summer. We are doing a lot of singing and a lot of talking. It is still a good trip, except for the minor nervousness about getting to Madison on time.
Today was a pretty much driving day after we left Margarita and Don's place but we slacked off a bit in Cody WY and are now about 3 hrs behind schedule in driving. Sierra Trading Post's outlet store was a MAJOR disappointment but that meant cheaper. I got a new salmon (sort of) long sleeved shirt with SPF of 30 and a nice texture. And that was all. Cody is a nice little very western town with the Buffalo Bill Cody Museum and a re-enactment of a gunfight in the street at 6 PM. Dinner was lovely and Italian. Stopped in a few shops to look at photographs, smell the boots, and check out jewelry. It never hurts to look, does it?
Tomorrow will be a huge push (how would Linda drive?) and hopefully get us well into MN for the night. Stanley Kutler has asked to meet us for breakfast instead of brunch because he needs to take a bus down to Chicago for a play that is being produced soon, this in addition to the HBO special he is consulting on about Watergate. Wow quite the life!
The vistas are amazing, the size and color and varied shapes of rocks and formations. Passed a granite formation today that was 2.5 billion years old. That's what the sign said. We took a lot of pictures.
Because we are running late, there will be no time for Mt. Rushmore. Which is OK by me as I am getting accustomed to having fewer people around. There are times on the road when we are the only car that we can see.
Lots of cattle ranches. Lots of horses. Some sheep.
Overall the weather has been great. Not too hot so we don't run the a/c all the time. Only a bit of a sprinkle this evening.
I'm not tired of saying "wow!" because things are different each time we turn a corner in the road and there could be something totally amazing appearing in front of us. So I will continue to say "wow" and "that's so amazing" and other expressions of incredulity.
Tomorrow the music will include the Lovin' Spoonful and Donna Summer. We are doing a lot of singing and a lot of talking. It is still a good trip, except for the minor nervousness about getting to Madison on time.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Yellowstone and much more
OH MY GOD.
This was my first visit to Yellowstone. It is everything people say, and more. We are at the home of Margarita McLarty, someone I knew when I was maybe 7 years old in Los Angeles, who lives in Pray MT, half hour north of the park. She was a guide in Yellowstone and gave us the individualized custom tour for one day. It was great! We saw falls, rocks, SNOW omg it snowed here 2 weeks ago and there are huge drifts at the side of the road in many places, and wildlife: bison in the left lane as we were in the right lane (really, reach out and touch them), hawks, big horn sheep, a fox I think, elk, maybe a moose... it was fabulous....
so we are here with Margarita and Don in their fabulous new digs, 5 acres of wonderful stuff, with more tumbleweed that needs clearing. They have started planting fruit trees and lilacs, and as they clear land, find irises and columbine that had been covered.
The park is so wonderful. Then we drove north and stopped in a country store and asked where could we find a light dinner and went to Chico Hot Springs Resort, which is less than 8 miles from this house. It was meant to be.
Because of time constraints, Shelley will forego the horse ride she had planned, but there is no way to reach Rapid City SD if we leave in the afternoon.
Stuff we've listened to on CD so far: Avenue Q, Hairspray, Original Spin by Hookslide, a fabulous local (Bay Area) a cappella men's quartet, The Best of the Mamas and Papas (great driving music), The Stingers (latin jazz), and today, Debbie Friedman's "It's You," which I hadn't heard in years. And yes it makes me cry. It was poignant 9 years ago and still is today.
So we are off to sleep after sharing california apricots with Margarita and Don. What a treat for everyone. Tomorrow will be a long driving day again I think. With a stop at Sierra Trading Post in Cody WY after a tack shop in Livingston MT.
It's all part of the adventure.
This was my first visit to Yellowstone. It is everything people say, and more. We are at the home of Margarita McLarty, someone I knew when I was maybe 7 years old in Los Angeles, who lives in Pray MT, half hour north of the park. She was a guide in Yellowstone and gave us the individualized custom tour for one day. It was great! We saw falls, rocks, SNOW omg it snowed here 2 weeks ago and there are huge drifts at the side of the road in many places, and wildlife: bison in the left lane as we were in the right lane (really, reach out and touch them), hawks, big horn sheep, a fox I think, elk, maybe a moose... it was fabulous....
so we are here with Margarita and Don in their fabulous new digs, 5 acres of wonderful stuff, with more tumbleweed that needs clearing. They have started planting fruit trees and lilacs, and as they clear land, find irises and columbine that had been covered.
The park is so wonderful. Then we drove north and stopped in a country store and asked where could we find a light dinner and went to Chico Hot Springs Resort, which is less than 8 miles from this house. It was meant to be.
Because of time constraints, Shelley will forego the horse ride she had planned, but there is no way to reach Rapid City SD if we leave in the afternoon.
Stuff we've listened to on CD so far: Avenue Q, Hairspray, Original Spin by Hookslide, a fabulous local (Bay Area) a cappella men's quartet, The Best of the Mamas and Papas (great driving music), The Stingers (latin jazz), and today, Debbie Friedman's "It's You," which I hadn't heard in years. And yes it makes me cry. It was poignant 9 years ago and still is today.
So we are off to sleep after sharing california apricots with Margarita and Don. What a treat for everyone. Tomorrow will be a long driving day again I think. With a stop at Sierra Trading Post in Cody WY after a tack shop in Livingston MT.
It's all part of the adventure.
The other side of later sunsets...
is earlier sunrises.
i got up a little after 5 to pee and was unsuccessful in getting back to sleep. and now it is pretty light and i'm up for the day.
fortunately there is a small fridge in the room so we were able to refreeze the ice packs and refrigerate the drinks and what's left of the grapes (perfect and required travel food, goes great with white cheddar cheeze-its!).
so this is The Trip. Shelley and I are having a good time. the scenery is spectacular and i ams such a california girl...a little bit of snow impresses me. big farms. lots of horses. Shelley is a horse woman (her horse's name is Sundance) and she notices every horse as we drive by. we have visted two tack shops so far...one was the atore of a man who makes custom saddles (in the $8,000 range for the fancy ones) and his work is in the Smithsonian. that was a REAL treat to go downstairs and see what he was working on. that was in Winnemucca. and there are more shops to visit as we proceed. oh, and the Sierra Trading Post story in Cody WY. Shelley insists that we stop there. I am frightened already.
so this is The Trip. talked about and planned for weeks.
in many respects it is very easy...gorgeous views, air conditioning that works, nice stops to take pictures, we trade driving easily and respect each other's driving ability.
on the other hand, it is not so easy. looking at the meaninag and implications. the reason we are doing this is (partly, for the most part) because Shelley is getting Linda's car. the reason she is getting Linda's car is because Linda died. this is the trip that Linda wanted to take, visiting the parks, and while she is "with us," she is also not with us. this is part of my journey, and i'm hoping that it will help in many ways to make things different. (remember the phrase, "it doesn't get any better, but it does get different." and on my return to San Jose, as i noted before, the green Hyundai that Linda loved so much, that parked in the driveway for 8 years, will no longer be there. that's a concrete piece of reality that will face me very day.
so that's the not so easy part of this trip.
there is much to look forward to (bad grammar, i know) including Madison WI and at least one Univ of Wisconsin shirt or sweatshirt. i was in Madison eons ago. and brunch with Stanley Cutler on the way to my summer camp weekend in Oconomowoc. (boy that is a fun word to type).
well it's almost a decent hour to get up and on our way. first a good breakfast.
i got up a little after 5 to pee and was unsuccessful in getting back to sleep. and now it is pretty light and i'm up for the day.
fortunately there is a small fridge in the room so we were able to refreeze the ice packs and refrigerate the drinks and what's left of the grapes (perfect and required travel food, goes great with white cheddar cheeze-its!).
so this is The Trip. Shelley and I are having a good time. the scenery is spectacular and i ams such a california girl...a little bit of snow impresses me. big farms. lots of horses. Shelley is a horse woman (her horse's name is Sundance) and she notices every horse as we drive by. we have visted two tack shops so far...one was the atore of a man who makes custom saddles (in the $8,000 range for the fancy ones) and his work is in the Smithsonian. that was a REAL treat to go downstairs and see what he was working on. that was in Winnemucca. and there are more shops to visit as we proceed. oh, and the Sierra Trading Post story in Cody WY. Shelley insists that we stop there. I am frightened already.
so this is The Trip. talked about and planned for weeks.
in many respects it is very easy...gorgeous views, air conditioning that works, nice stops to take pictures, we trade driving easily and respect each other's driving ability.
on the other hand, it is not so easy. looking at the meaninag and implications. the reason we are doing this is (partly, for the most part) because Shelley is getting Linda's car. the reason she is getting Linda's car is because Linda died. this is the trip that Linda wanted to take, visiting the parks, and while she is "with us," she is also not with us. this is part of my journey, and i'm hoping that it will help in many ways to make things different. (remember the phrase, "it doesn't get any better, but it does get different." and on my return to San Jose, as i noted before, the green Hyundai that Linda loved so much, that parked in the driveway for 8 years, will no longer be there. that's a concrete piece of reality that will face me very day.
so that's the not so easy part of this trip.
there is much to look forward to (bad grammar, i know) including Madison WI and at least one Univ of Wisconsin shirt or sweatshirt. i was in Madison eons ago. and brunch with Stanley Cutler on the way to my summer camp weekend in Oconomowoc. (boy that is a fun word to type).
well it's almost a decent hour to get up and on our way. first a good breakfast.
Backsies on Nevada
They are not very ecologically minded in Nevada. Most toilets are not low flow. There are no vapor recovery nozzles at the gas stations.
Casinos: There are casinos attached to many larger gas stations, now called "Travel Centers." If casinos are where people are supposed to have fun, why don't people look like they are enjoying themselves more? We walked through a couple of them and it was pretty darn depressing. And smoke-filled. We didn't visit any really fancy ones. Maybe that would have made a difference. Maybe not.
OMG how could I have forgotten??
The 2008 Elko NV Motorcycle convention. OMG.
Yes. Amazing. It's all in the timing, like so many things.
Picture this: hundreds, thousands of motorcycle enthusiasts. Mostly Harleys. More tattoos, head rags, beer and swagger than one could imagine. Live music. A tattoo contest. a TON of vendors. Shoes, T shirts, leather (!), mobile tattoo parlors, head rags, helmets, embroidery, patches, more shirts, blankets. OMG. And drag racing. and lines of cycles lined up. AND FLAMES on the bikes. I still want flames on my car.
Casinos: There are casinos attached to many larger gas stations, now called "Travel Centers." If casinos are where people are supposed to have fun, why don't people look like they are enjoying themselves more? We walked through a couple of them and it was pretty darn depressing. And smoke-filled. We didn't visit any really fancy ones. Maybe that would have made a difference. Maybe not.
OMG how could I have forgotten??
The 2008 Elko NV Motorcycle convention. OMG.
Yes. Amazing. It's all in the timing, like so many things.
Picture this: hundreds, thousands of motorcycle enthusiasts. Mostly Harleys. More tattoos, head rags, beer and swagger than one could imagine. Live music. A tattoo contest. a TON of vendors. Shoes, T shirts, leather (!), mobile tattoo parlors, head rags, helmets, embroidery, patches, more shirts, blankets. OMG. And drag racing. and lines of cycles lined up. AND FLAMES on the bikes. I still want flames on my car.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Things remembered, things forgotten
Remembered: nightlight, has proved valuable.
Forgotten: antibiotic ointment (not necessary yet), binoculars, pocket knife (!). How can this be a Linda trip without a pocket knife?? Fortunately there is the army surplus set in the glove compartment, with a knife, for use in emergency.
Remembered: Need an additional CD case to take home the CDs that have been living in the visor holders.
Found: a DOLLAR STORE (thank you Linda!) in Jackson, and got said CD case.
Remembered: to bring Linda's photo out from the car and include her in some pictures in each state, important location. At the lava stop, in Jackson by a large bear statue, and more.
Remembered: that I still tear up every day, and it's still OK.
Remembered: it's time to get some sleep. Lailah Tov y'all!
Forgotten: antibiotic ointment (not necessary yet), binoculars, pocket knife (!). How can this be a Linda trip without a pocket knife?? Fortunately there is the army surplus set in the glove compartment, with a knife, for use in emergency.
Remembered: Need an additional CD case to take home the CDs that have been living in the visor holders.
Found: a DOLLAR STORE (thank you Linda!) in Jackson, and got said CD case.
Remembered: to bring Linda's photo out from the car and include her in some pictures in each state, important location. At the lava stop, in Jackson by a large bear statue, and more.
Remembered: that I still tear up every day, and it's still OK.
Remembered: it's time to get some sleep. Lailah Tov y'all!
In the 4th state....
So California, then Nevada. Memorable stop at Thunder Mountain National Monument, a folk art creation of bottles, cement, old cars and other things, reminiscent of th Watts Towers. When I saw Seymour Rosen's name on the pamphlet, I knew this was the real deal and we backtracked a few miles and went in to explore and take pictures. We managed to time things really well and ended up at the Bonneville Salt Flats at sunset and the colors were amazing! This was a long day on the road...lots of driving but we didn't find the Nevada landscape desolate at all.
Strange anecdote: At the Bonneville rest stop there was a man from Kansas who drives for a company in Wisconsin. Turns out the Wisconsin dairy owns dairy cows (or the rights to them) in California. California is less stressful for the cows and they produce more. So he was trucking a tanker of cream from California, back to Wisconsin to be turned into butter. Wow!
We managed to drive all the way thru that small corner of Utah and NOT STOP. Didn't want to give them any money. And there were not motels. So we ended up just over the border in Idaho, in Malad, where we had a fabulous breakfast. And hit the road and on through Idaho to Wyoming.
The mountains really are amazing. There is a lot of snow still there. We stopped at a lovely lava field with interpretive signs. Only 4100 years old. Weather today was in the high 70's, much cooler than the 110 degrees (!!!!) that I understand it was in San Jose. OMG
We spent the day as tourists in Jackson WY (aka Jackson Hole) which was much less pretentious than we had feared. Think Carmel in a mountain setting: nice galleries, lots of art and amazing clothing. Imagine a $550 belt with lots of glitz and glitter used by cowgirls in competitions. Lot of leather (Linda would have loved that part). We did (obviously) find lodging with wireless access, so here I am.
Tomorrow night we will stay with the McLartys...Margarita is formerly Rita Bates, my up the hill nieghbor when I was 4 years old on Morton Avenue in Los Angeles. She is a former guide in Yellowstone and gave us the one day version, custom for us! They live 1/2 hour north of the park, in Montana. Linda and I saw her and her sister Rosa at the reunion of Elysian Heights Elementary School held maybe 5 years ago in Santa Barbara, hosted by the Atwater girls, Aleta and Tanya. It will be nice to see her again and meet Charles, in their relatively new home.
Strange anecdote: At the Bonneville rest stop there was a man from Kansas who drives for a company in Wisconsin. Turns out the Wisconsin dairy owns dairy cows (or the rights to them) in California. California is less stressful for the cows and they produce more. So he was trucking a tanker of cream from California, back to Wisconsin to be turned into butter. Wow!
We managed to drive all the way thru that small corner of Utah and NOT STOP. Didn't want to give them any money. And there were not motels. So we ended up just over the border in Idaho, in Malad, where we had a fabulous breakfast. And hit the road and on through Idaho to Wyoming.
The mountains really are amazing. There is a lot of snow still there. We stopped at a lovely lava field with interpretive signs. Only 4100 years old. Weather today was in the high 70's, much cooler than the 110 degrees (!!!!) that I understand it was in San Jose. OMG
We spent the day as tourists in Jackson WY (aka Jackson Hole) which was much less pretentious than we had feared. Think Carmel in a mountain setting: nice galleries, lots of art and amazing clothing. Imagine a $550 belt with lots of glitz and glitter used by cowgirls in competitions. Lot of leather (Linda would have loved that part). We did (obviously) find lodging with wireless access, so here I am.
Tomorrow night we will stay with the McLartys...Margarita is formerly Rita Bates, my up the hill nieghbor when I was 4 years old on Morton Avenue in Los Angeles. She is a former guide in Yellowstone and gave us the one day version, custom for us! They live 1/2 hour north of the park, in Montana. Linda and I saw her and her sister Rosa at the reunion of Elysian Heights Elementary School held maybe 5 years ago in Santa Barbara, hosted by the Atwater girls, Aleta and Tanya. It will be nice to see her again and meet Charles, in their relatively new home.
Friday, June 20, 2008
The journey really is continuing...
Today was hot again as Shelley and I started off with a trip up through San Francisco. We took the route that goes past ATT Stadium and then turned up 3rd Street, past the SF Museum of Modern Art and Moscone Center and Yerba Buena Gardens. Then left on Geary, past St Mary's Cathedral, the one that looks like a giant washing machine agitator, then down Masonic to the Haight/Ashbury where we ate a spinach, tomato and feta crepe that was delicious, and Adam called to say that their real estate deal had closed and they are homeowners. Congrats! We even drove past an apartment where I lived at 1166 Haight St, across from Buena Vista Park. So then we went up (or maybe it was down) Divisadero and I think went down the one hill that Linda refused to drive because she couldn't see over the nose of the car to where the road continued. But we did it! and went left on Lombard past the Palace of Fine Arts and on to the GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE!! It was a magnificent day. And, thanks to the suggestion of Rabbi Leslie Alexander, and the crafty computer work of Charlie Swinehart, we have full page photos of Linda's face, which were included in the shots from the Vista Point on the north side of the bridge. Then across the Richmond/San Rafael Bridge and a cute bypass til we got to Hwy 80, east, well kinda north to Sacramento. It being commute time (having left later than hoped for) there were some major pockets of congestion and I thought how awful it was that some people have that slowdown every day. And then on past Sacramento and up to Truckee...I realized that I have been that far east before with Daniel and friends on a snowboarding trip. We had hoped to make it to Winnemucca but after dinner and gas somewhere in California, we made it past Reno to Sparks NV. We went into a totally depressing casino and then found a Quality Inn, with AAA discount and continental breakfast in the morning. I can't wait to see the mountains and desert in daylight. We saw some cute little rivers and even a small waterfall.
Shelley just asked if I had a good day. Yes, it was a good day.
And this really is a journey. I've never done this, and we will get to see Mt. Rushmore and the Badlands of South Dakota. Very cool. We have targets for each day but the important one is Prof Stanley Kutler on Thursday at 11 AM in Madison WI.
I miss Linda a lot. There are so many things we would want to share. But it is very wonderful taking this trip with someone who also knows Linda so well. We are playing nice singalong music at good volumes and drinking lots of water and eating lots of grapes. So far, it's a good road trip. With promises of fun and interesting things in the next 5 days.
Overall I am feeling pretty Linda-fied. I did refer to one of her packing lists that I found in a small duffel bag, so I was sure to include a night light (for the bathrooms), extra sunscreen, tweezers and my meds. And yes I did pack underwear (a reference to Linda's omission on the QM2 cruise). Audrey and I finally connected person to person after leaving alternating voice messages, and Jeremy finally connected after several "tag, you're it" messages as well. Stay tuned!
Shelley just asked if I had a good day. Yes, it was a good day.
And this really is a journey. I've never done this, and we will get to see Mt. Rushmore and the Badlands of South Dakota. Very cool. We have targets for each day but the important one is Prof Stanley Kutler on Thursday at 11 AM in Madison WI.
I miss Linda a lot. There are so many things we would want to share. But it is very wonderful taking this trip with someone who also knows Linda so well. We are playing nice singalong music at good volumes and drinking lots of water and eating lots of grapes. So far, it's a good road trip. With promises of fun and interesting things in the next 5 days.
Overall I am feeling pretty Linda-fied. I did refer to one of her packing lists that I found in a small duffel bag, so I was sure to include a night light (for the bathrooms), extra sunscreen, tweezers and my meds. And yes I did pack underwear (a reference to Linda's omission on the QM2 cruise). Audrey and I finally connected person to person after leaving alternating voice messages, and Jeremy finally connected after several "tag, you're it" messages as well. Stay tuned!
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Almost ready to leave...
Ketzl ia eating asparagus, the grapes and mini carrots for the road are purchased. The almonds are repacked in plastic bags. The car is gassed up. I guess we're almost ready.
So what's been happening lately?
Last night was the annual gathering at Hakone Gardens put on by Hospice of the Valley. I brought Shelley and Jackie with me. It wss a very nice and meaningful evening and it was especially wonderful to reconnect with 3 of Linda's Hospice folks: Mary Lois the social worker, Pam the chaplain and Joyce the primary care nurse. Also Laura the bereavement counselor was there. Pam did a wonderful invocation/meditation. There was some gentle guitar music as well, and the whole thing was followed by snacks, which were our appetizer course, as a prelude to
dinner at Chelokebabi in Sunnyvale with Jeff and Razmik and Billy....
JEFF AND RAZMIK WERE MARRIED YESTERDAY BY COUNTY SUPERVISOR KEN YEAGER!!
and also Billy and Eric. This was very exciting!
This was followed by dessert of ice cream pie and champagne at Jeff & Razmik's.
Plus there is now a new friend, Maribeth, who was walking around near the koi pond at Hakone Gardens, whom we adopted and came for the dinner and dessert.
I went in to the office for a couple of hours to continue shoveling and so we got a bit of a later start than I had hoped. So instead of the more ambitious trip, we spent the day in Santa Cruz, and I have no idea how hot it got there but we were schvitzing (yiddish for sweating)...probably close to 100 degrees, amazing for the seaside town.
We did take the last bit of Highway 9 from Felton down to Santa Cruz and it was really nice and tree-filled. The boardwalk wasn't too crowded (it was Thursday after all). We had to do my two favorite rides: Giant Dipper, imho the best wooden roller coaster, and Loggers Run. They were great...two rides that hold up very nicely. Then we walked down to the water so Shelley could get her toes wet, never having been to the Pacific Ocean before. We walked back along the water to the Ideal Cafe, a favorite of mine and Linda's. Not being quite ready to eat, we walked almost the length of the pier, finding nothing really interesting except a passle of seals on a small floating dock. We ended back at the Ideal Cafe, where the service was not so great, the clothing of some of the servers was an embarrassment, and it was a total bummer that it wasn't Lobster Night (Wednesday). $42 for a lobster dinner (instead of $14.95) was not doable.
Tomorrow is San Francisco and the Golden Gate Bridge.
And then back over the Richmond -San Rafael Bridge and connect with Hwy. 80 and north and east. We've decided that going to Boise is too complicated and stressful. So i'l fly up sometime maybe in August.
so off to the shower and then to bed.
So what's been happening lately?
Last night was the annual gathering at Hakone Gardens put on by Hospice of the Valley. I brought Shelley and Jackie with me. It wss a very nice and meaningful evening and it was especially wonderful to reconnect with 3 of Linda's Hospice folks: Mary Lois the social worker, Pam the chaplain and Joyce the primary care nurse. Also Laura the bereavement counselor was there. Pam did a wonderful invocation/meditation. There was some gentle guitar music as well, and the whole thing was followed by snacks, which were our appetizer course, as a prelude to
dinner at Chelokebabi in Sunnyvale with Jeff and Razmik and Billy....
JEFF AND RAZMIK WERE MARRIED YESTERDAY BY COUNTY SUPERVISOR KEN YEAGER!!
and also Billy and Eric. This was very exciting!
This was followed by dessert of ice cream pie and champagne at Jeff & Razmik's.
Plus there is now a new friend, Maribeth, who was walking around near the koi pond at Hakone Gardens, whom we adopted and came for the dinner and dessert.
I went in to the office for a couple of hours to continue shoveling and so we got a bit of a later start than I had hoped. So instead of the more ambitious trip, we spent the day in Santa Cruz, and I have no idea how hot it got there but we were schvitzing (yiddish for sweating)...probably close to 100 degrees, amazing for the seaside town.
We did take the last bit of Highway 9 from Felton down to Santa Cruz and it was really nice and tree-filled. The boardwalk wasn't too crowded (it was Thursday after all). We had to do my two favorite rides: Giant Dipper, imho the best wooden roller coaster, and Loggers Run. They were great...two rides that hold up very nicely. Then we walked down to the water so Shelley could get her toes wet, never having been to the Pacific Ocean before. We walked back along the water to the Ideal Cafe, a favorite of mine and Linda's. Not being quite ready to eat, we walked almost the length of the pier, finding nothing really interesting except a passle of seals on a small floating dock. We ended back at the Ideal Cafe, where the service was not so great, the clothing of some of the servers was an embarrassment, and it was a total bummer that it wasn't Lobster Night (Wednesday). $42 for a lobster dinner (instead of $14.95) was not doable.
Tomorrow is San Francisco and the Golden Gate Bridge.
And then back over the Richmond -San Rafael Bridge and connect with Hwy. 80 and north and east. We've decided that going to Boise is too complicated and stressful. So i'l fly up sometime maybe in August.
so off to the shower and then to bed.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Leslie and I finally get together
It's been a huge while. Rabbi Leslie Alexander, who Linda considered to be "her rabbi," was in Poland and Israel and had a lot of other exciting things going on in her life like graduations, getting off to camp, etc.
so finally we made it, to Peet's (after I misplaced my keys) on The Alameda. Pomegranate/blueberry Freddo. totally yummy. that was the bonus.
it was a wonderful time, catching up, hearing what she had to say about a lot of things. one in particular caught my fancy. Shelley and I CAN take Linda with us: a large as possible head shot photograph, that we can include in photographs on the trip. how about that??!! so i called Charlie to see if he can help while Christine is in Africa. we'll do our best. they have a fabulous printer. hope the ones i sent are not too grainy.
in return, i just emailed to her the short list of my grief booklist.
tomorrow morning is the day: Shelley arrives for her first visit to California! we are both so excited. we will go with Jackie to the Hospice of the Valley gathering at Hakone Gardens, and then hopefully out to dinner with Jeff and Razmik. good times
Another suggestion Leslie had was to suggest to Hospice that they might direct people to my blog, as a way to see how it is possible to write down one's journey. not a bad idea. i need to put a few copies of the May 18 program by my purse. i want to have some to give to the hospice people tomorrow. also three pictures of Linda.
and then there's Melton in the fall. Leslie is an inspired and inspiring teacher, so whichever session she is teaching, i'll be there!
"it is what it is." i have not yet done everything i wanted to around the house. oh well. ketzl fell asleep on the polarfleece blanket on the couch. i should really take advantage to get a start on my night's sleep.
so finally we made it, to Peet's (after I misplaced my keys) on The Alameda. Pomegranate/blueberry Freddo. totally yummy. that was the bonus.
it was a wonderful time, catching up, hearing what she had to say about a lot of things. one in particular caught my fancy. Shelley and I CAN take Linda with us: a large as possible head shot photograph, that we can include in photographs on the trip. how about that??!! so i called Charlie to see if he can help while Christine is in Africa. we'll do our best. they have a fabulous printer. hope the ones i sent are not too grainy.
in return, i just emailed to her the short list of my grief booklist.
tomorrow morning is the day: Shelley arrives for her first visit to California! we are both so excited. we will go with Jackie to the Hospice of the Valley gathering at Hakone Gardens, and then hopefully out to dinner with Jeff and Razmik. good times
Another suggestion Leslie had was to suggest to Hospice that they might direct people to my blog, as a way to see how it is possible to write down one's journey. not a bad idea. i need to put a few copies of the May 18 program by my purse. i want to have some to give to the hospice people tomorrow. also three pictures of Linda.
and then there's Melton in the fall. Leslie is an inspired and inspiring teacher, so whichever session she is teaching, i'll be there!
"it is what it is." i have not yet done everything i wanted to around the house. oh well. ketzl fell asleep on the polarfleece blanket on the couch. i should really take advantage to get a start on my night's sleep.
what's a movie without popcorn?
it's not a movie.
i forgot to mention that i got a bag of passable kettlecorn to eat during "Sex" last night. had i but know i would not get so much help, i would not have bought the medium. filled with popcorn it is pretty darn big. remember that Linda was the queen of kettle corn. if you want the recipe, just ask.
i forgot to mention that i got a bag of passable kettlecorn to eat during "Sex" last night. had i but know i would not get so much help, i would not have bought the medium. filled with popcorn it is pretty darn big. remember that Linda was the queen of kettle corn. if you want the recipe, just ask.
Monday, June 16, 2008
The blur that was Monday
OK, so the entire clan was pretty hammered this morning and relied heavily on caffeine to get through the morning. After that, who knows?
Tonight was a girls' night out: the office staff went out to dinner at Chili's and then to see "Sex and the City" -- a very girl evening. It is part of the farewell to Jane, as I will be out of the office for the last week she is here. Jane commented that you could count the number of men on two hands.
We are outside now, Ketzl and I. I think he would be happier if he could see me. He is conflicted...he wants to be outside and he wants to be with me. He loves this MacBook, keeps marking it with his face and rubbing up against it. OK now that he sees I'm out here, he is off to chase bugs. Fun! There is barely a signal as I sit here on the front step. I have such a clear picture of Linda sitting here, playing a guitar on one early visit, in a crisp white shirt.
The apricots are starting to ripen. It is another wonderful crop, tho this was supposed to be the lighter year in the cycle. (Thanks for your care, Daphne ... they are delicious, as always.) This is a bit scary...cuz once they decide to ripen, it happens all at once. Elinor may come down for a harvest. I do hope some are left end of June And then there are the peaches and nectarines in the backyard too. Timing, it's all in the timing.
OK Ketzl wanted to come in for a snack. Better connection and warmer. Nicer for me. Now he's back out again.
Other small notes from today: Audrey went to the cemetery yesterday for Father's Day. It was the first time since Linda's funeral. That must have been difficult. She said she brought a small rose plant. So today when I was at Costco getting gas (and hotdogs and sodas), I also bought roses. The bunches are now rainforest certified and really beautiful. I chose the lovely coral color that we've had many times before. A long time ago, eons, Linda started buying roses to bring home for Shabbat because she really loved having flowers in the house. It ws a bit challenging because in the beginning, Ketzl would explore the flowers. So today I bought the flowers for Linda. And because I spend more time at the office awake than I do at home, and because we will be leaving on Thursday, I decided to leave the bouquet at work. I had them on the table by the window, but Marcy wanted to move them to the counter above her desk, so that I could see them more easily. "Unless it is too difficult," she said. I replied, "It is difficult but it's also OK." As I type this, the tears are flowing all over again. It's amazing. I am crying some every day. Some days more and some days less. At least I cannot remember a day when something or someone did bring on the tears. Almost everyone says it's fine. It feels fine. Just incredibly sad and sometimes not so sad. One book I was reading talked about this...that one will never know what piece of music (the Carpenters, "On Top of the World," sung by Meeka), the flowers, thinking of the nectarines (Linda's favorite fruit) yet to ripen fully, a half-finished crossword puzzle or sudoku, the leather jackets...and that's just stuff around the house. It could happen anywhere at any time.
Tomorrow is the long-awaited visit with Rabbi Leslie Alexander. In the "really incredibly small world" department: she and Pinky Dubin's daughter are best friends!
Time to go make a list for tomorrow. It's going to be a very busy day.
Tonight was a girls' night out: the office staff went out to dinner at Chili's and then to see "Sex and the City" -- a very girl evening. It is part of the farewell to Jane, as I will be out of the office for the last week she is here. Jane commented that you could count the number of men on two hands.
We are outside now, Ketzl and I. I think he would be happier if he could see me. He is conflicted...he wants to be outside and he wants to be with me. He loves this MacBook, keeps marking it with his face and rubbing up against it. OK now that he sees I'm out here, he is off to chase bugs. Fun! There is barely a signal as I sit here on the front step. I have such a clear picture of Linda sitting here, playing a guitar on one early visit, in a crisp white shirt.
The apricots are starting to ripen. It is another wonderful crop, tho this was supposed to be the lighter year in the cycle. (Thanks for your care, Daphne ... they are delicious, as always.) This is a bit scary...cuz once they decide to ripen, it happens all at once. Elinor may come down for a harvest. I do hope some are left end of June And then there are the peaches and nectarines in the backyard too. Timing, it's all in the timing.
OK Ketzl wanted to come in for a snack. Better connection and warmer. Nicer for me. Now he's back out again.
Other small notes from today: Audrey went to the cemetery yesterday for Father's Day. It was the first time since Linda's funeral. That must have been difficult. She said she brought a small rose plant. So today when I was at Costco getting gas (and hotdogs and sodas), I also bought roses. The bunches are now rainforest certified and really beautiful. I chose the lovely coral color that we've had many times before. A long time ago, eons, Linda started buying roses to bring home for Shabbat because she really loved having flowers in the house. It ws a bit challenging because in the beginning, Ketzl would explore the flowers. So today I bought the flowers for Linda. And because I spend more time at the office awake than I do at home, and because we will be leaving on Thursday, I decided to leave the bouquet at work. I had them on the table by the window, but Marcy wanted to move them to the counter above her desk, so that I could see them more easily. "Unless it is too difficult," she said. I replied, "It is difficult but it's also OK." As I type this, the tears are flowing all over again. It's amazing. I am crying some every day. Some days more and some days less. At least I cannot remember a day when something or someone did bring on the tears. Almost everyone says it's fine. It feels fine. Just incredibly sad and sometimes not so sad. One book I was reading talked about this...that one will never know what piece of music (the Carpenters, "On Top of the World," sung by Meeka), the flowers, thinking of the nectarines (Linda's favorite fruit) yet to ripen fully, a half-finished crossword puzzle or sudoku, the leather jackets...and that's just stuff around the house. It could happen anywhere at any time.
Tomorrow is the long-awaited visit with Rabbi Leslie Alexander. In the "really incredibly small world" department: she and Pinky Dubin's daughter are best friends!
Time to go make a list for tomorrow. It's going to be a very busy day.
Jacob and Jillian's parties were Saturday
OMG how could I have forgotten??
I'm so sorry, Jacob and Jillian.
The bulk of Saturday afternoon and evening were the graduation parties (Jacob from Santa Cruz and Jillian from Santa Clara). Lots of food. Yummy.
I'm so sorry, Jacob and Jillian.
The bulk of Saturday afternoon and evening were the graduation parties (Jacob from Santa Cruz and Jillian from Santa Clara). Lots of food. Yummy.
Where did Saturday go?
I guess I spent quite a bit of time organizing and actually putting things into the suitcase. Washed the last two loads of laundry. Confirmed the cat sitter!! Important things.
On Friday night, I saw "Kung Fu Panda" with Barb and Zander. When we came out of the theater, the air was very strange. It was smoke from one or more of the local or not so local fires. There was ash all over the cars in the morning.
On Sunday, we all got up really early. I picked up Jeremy and Daniel and we went for breakfast at Noah's before getting on the plane to go to Los Angeles. The occasion was the unveiling (officially noting the marker for my sweet mother Ann Levine, who died on March 11, 2007. Wow. Incredible that it has been more than a year. And what a year it's been. It was a very lovely intimate service led by Rabbi Pinky Dubin (well, his given name is Paul, and his Hebrew name is Pinchas, but he goes by Pinky). Just me, the boys, my father and my sister, who had gone down on Saturday afternoon. Pinky came back to the house afterwards and it was a nice visit and lunch.
It was an important occasion. No one has gone to Mother's grave in the past year. That may change now. We each shared a brief memory. Pinky was very impressed. I don't think anyone would ever say an unkind word about her. What a role model of kindness and acceptance.
Back tonight (well it feels like Sunday night even tho it's past midnight). Ketzl was not amused. I did let him out for a short visit in the night air.
I'm really too tired to compose coherently. I did read some of the grief book by CS Lewis. Elinor said I should have just taken it with as Jack is not reading much any mmore. We made some preliminary plans on visits over the summer, constrained by other trips and of course the September 6 trip to Europe. We're aiming for every 3 weeks now, and more phone calls.
Well, morning will come far too soon, and I need at least a little bit of sleep.
I'm beginning to feel really daunted at the prospect of what needs doing in the next 3 days.
On Friday night, I saw "Kung Fu Panda" with Barb and Zander. When we came out of the theater, the air was very strange. It was smoke from one or more of the local or not so local fires. There was ash all over the cars in the morning.
On Sunday, we all got up really early. I picked up Jeremy and Daniel and we went for breakfast at Noah's before getting on the plane to go to Los Angeles. The occasion was the unveiling (officially noting the marker for my sweet mother Ann Levine, who died on March 11, 2007. Wow. Incredible that it has been more than a year. And what a year it's been. It was a very lovely intimate service led by Rabbi Pinky Dubin (well, his given name is Paul, and his Hebrew name is Pinchas, but he goes by Pinky). Just me, the boys, my father and my sister, who had gone down on Saturday afternoon. Pinky came back to the house afterwards and it was a nice visit and lunch.
It was an important occasion. No one has gone to Mother's grave in the past year. That may change now. We each shared a brief memory. Pinky was very impressed. I don't think anyone would ever say an unkind word about her. What a role model of kindness and acceptance.
Back tonight (well it feels like Sunday night even tho it's past midnight). Ketzl was not amused. I did let him out for a short visit in the night air.
I'm really too tired to compose coherently. I did read some of the grief book by CS Lewis. Elinor said I should have just taken it with as Jack is not reading much any mmore. We made some preliminary plans on visits over the summer, constrained by other trips and of course the September 6 trip to Europe. We're aiming for every 3 weeks now, and more phone calls.
Well, morning will come far too soon, and I need at least a little bit of sleep.
I'm beginning to feel really daunted at the prospect of what needs doing in the next 3 days.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Friday the 13th ... anyone out there superstitious?
I hadn't really given it much thought. It was Friday.
Today was pretty momentous. Yesterday I didn't report on my success at DMV, with a nice lady named Ruth who guessed that Linda's license plate TVAH really was TOVAH (there's a heart instead of the O and my DVORA plate has a heart insted of the O as well. It took almost an hour, and I filled out the form incorrectly because of inaccurate instructions at the first desk, and had to sign another form explaining the error and how it was fixed .... but in the end, my name is on the title (but I don't have the actual paper and assume they will mail it) and I walked out with two license plates of the generic variety, 6DUK795. The Duck Car. We're going to leave the TOVAH plate on the front for the trip. I'll keep the back one and Shelley will get the front, after the car drives "home" to Ohio.
So, it occurred to me that I needed to create a ritual about changing the plates. I didn't want to do it alone in the driveway here at the house. So I thought of doing it at work, with my women co-workers around. This morning Paula called with the inspired suggestion to bring some of Linda's hats, which I did. And the camera. And I had pre-tested the tool that would work (dyke with tools, eh?) and headed out.
I had been struck that leaving next week and driving the car to Ohio was a momentous change in many ways. No regrets because it is going to a good home with Shelley. But I don't think I had fully considered all the implications of this coming road trip. I have seen the dark green Hyundai Sonata GLS in the driveway for 8 years. Linda drove from Ohio in 2.5 days and arrived in California on May 24, 2000. And it has been here ever since. I remember when she first got the car...she had ordered it specially because they were not sending many standard transmissions to the US...5 speed, tan leather seats, CD player, etc etc, great wide wheel base and the car practically whispers on the freeway, "take me up to 85 MPH, please...." And I've driven it off and on (baby, you can drive my car), most recently once a week or so. It was more comfortable for Linda to ride in her car, even as a passenger, because of greater leg room. My Forester has heated seats, so it had been the winter car which was nice to warm Linda's back.
So I was thinking about this next step, approaching the day that the Tovah car would leave, another piece of tangible evidence that Linda is no longer present. And changing the license plate was part of that separation. All small steps on the journey.
So we gathered in the shade on the driveway near the Temple office. Each woman chose a hat (Jane got the pumpkin one!) and there was music playing from the CD player: The Stingers, a group from Akron that Linda loved...Latin jazz, really wonderful stuff. Then I told the story of how the car got to California, showed the traveling pants, a pair of very old very soft light blue denim shorts that were part of her wardrobe eight years ago on the drive out on Hwy 80. 2500 miles. I turned the music down and we looked at pictures of Linda, took pictures of women in hats, Meeka said a few blessings (the one for reaching this day, and the traveler's prayer), and I took off the back Tovah plate and put on the new one with the month and year stickers. There were tissues and I cried some. It was the right decision to do it in the company of my work friends, and to mark the occasion with special words and awareness.
It is another small step. Well maybe not so small.
Today was pretty momentous. Yesterday I didn't report on my success at DMV, with a nice lady named Ruth who guessed that Linda's license plate TVAH really was TOVAH (there's a heart instead of the O and my DVORA plate has a heart insted of the O as well. It took almost an hour, and I filled out the form incorrectly because of inaccurate instructions at the first desk, and had to sign another form explaining the error and how it was fixed .... but in the end, my name is on the title (but I don't have the actual paper and assume they will mail it) and I walked out with two license plates of the generic variety, 6DUK795. The Duck Car. We're going to leave the TOVAH plate on the front for the trip. I'll keep the back one and Shelley will get the front, after the car drives "home" to Ohio.
So, it occurred to me that I needed to create a ritual about changing the plates. I didn't want to do it alone in the driveway here at the house. So I thought of doing it at work, with my women co-workers around. This morning Paula called with the inspired suggestion to bring some of Linda's hats, which I did. And the camera. And I had pre-tested the tool that would work (dyke with tools, eh?) and headed out.
I had been struck that leaving next week and driving the car to Ohio was a momentous change in many ways. No regrets because it is going to a good home with Shelley. But I don't think I had fully considered all the implications of this coming road trip. I have seen the dark green Hyundai Sonata GLS in the driveway for 8 years. Linda drove from Ohio in 2.5 days and arrived in California on May 24, 2000. And it has been here ever since. I remember when she first got the car...she had ordered it specially because they were not sending many standard transmissions to the US...5 speed, tan leather seats, CD player, etc etc, great wide wheel base and the car practically whispers on the freeway, "take me up to 85 MPH, please...." And I've driven it off and on (baby, you can drive my car), most recently once a week or so. It was more comfortable for Linda to ride in her car, even as a passenger, because of greater leg room. My Forester has heated seats, so it had been the winter car which was nice to warm Linda's back.
So I was thinking about this next step, approaching the day that the Tovah car would leave, another piece of tangible evidence that Linda is no longer present. And changing the license plate was part of that separation. All small steps on the journey.
So we gathered in the shade on the driveway near the Temple office. Each woman chose a hat (Jane got the pumpkin one!) and there was music playing from the CD player: The Stingers, a group from Akron that Linda loved...Latin jazz, really wonderful stuff. Then I told the story of how the car got to California, showed the traveling pants, a pair of very old very soft light blue denim shorts that were part of her wardrobe eight years ago on the drive out on Hwy 80. 2500 miles. I turned the music down and we looked at pictures of Linda, took pictures of women in hats, Meeka said a few blessings (the one for reaching this day, and the traveler's prayer), and I took off the back Tovah plate and put on the new one with the month and year stickers. There were tissues and I cried some. It was the right decision to do it in the company of my work friends, and to mark the occasion with special words and awareness.
It is another small step. Well maybe not so small.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
In the Beginning...
I had dinner with Naomi because she wanted to catch up in person rather than spending time emailing back and forth. It almost didn't happen, but we did connect and went to The Counter in Santana Row, where you "build" your own burger (or salad). Naomi mentioned that it wasn't really explicit how Linda and I met. Someone must have mentioned something on May 18th at the celebration of Linda's life, which prompted Naomi to ask.
Some of you may know. Others may not. Feel free to move on if you are in the former category.
Linda and I were part of the truly modern generation of couples: we met online, on a listserv for Jewish women (who identify as lesbian or bisexual). Though I didn't identify myself as such at the time (but if I didn't, then what was I doing on that list?) Oh well. It was a long time ago and I was a baby-not-realizing-I-was-dyke.
We marked July 11, 1999 as one of our many anniversaries. This was the day we first really connected, after having watched each other's posts on the list and remarking "here is someone who really cares about the use of words and takes care with the English language." We IM'd back and forth, and Linda asked if she could call me because she couldn't type fast enough. So she did.
Because I had plans to attend a Jewish study retreat at UC Santa Cruz (go Slugs!) later in July, Linda didn't actually visit for the first time until August 18, my parents' anniversary and 3 days before her birthday (LBK821...see it's her birthday, August 21). In the 9 months that followed, Linda came to California 9 times, and I flew to Ohio and once to NY a total of 6 visits. Between flights, phone calls, IMs, and being together, it is amazing that anything else got done.
In May 2000, Linda moved to California to become Executive Director at the synagogue where I still work. Actually, I had been a volunteer, but when I got divorced officially, I needed a job, so Linda hired me on staff.
That's the short version. For those of you who knew and those who now know.
Any questions?
Some of you may know. Others may not. Feel free to move on if you are in the former category.
Linda and I were part of the truly modern generation of couples: we met online, on a listserv for Jewish women (who identify as lesbian or bisexual). Though I didn't identify myself as such at the time (but if I didn't, then what was I doing on that list?) Oh well. It was a long time ago and I was a baby-not-realizing-I-was-dyke.
We marked July 11, 1999 as one of our many anniversaries. This was the day we first really connected, after having watched each other's posts on the list and remarking "here is someone who really cares about the use of words and takes care with the English language." We IM'd back and forth, and Linda asked if she could call me because she couldn't type fast enough. So she did.
Because I had plans to attend a Jewish study retreat at UC Santa Cruz (go Slugs!) later in July, Linda didn't actually visit for the first time until August 18, my parents' anniversary and 3 days before her birthday (LBK821...see it's her birthday, August 21). In the 9 months that followed, Linda came to California 9 times, and I flew to Ohio and once to NY a total of 6 visits. Between flights, phone calls, IMs, and being together, it is amazing that anything else got done.
In May 2000, Linda moved to California to become Executive Director at the synagogue where I still work. Actually, I had been a volunteer, but when I got divorced officially, I needed a job, so Linda hired me on staff.
That's the short version. For those of you who knew and those who now know.
Any questions?
Changes and Good News
So, Bob Lewis Hyundai is no more. When I went there with Daniel to pick up Linda's car, there were balloons, white coated waiters, kleig lights and catering trucks. It is now part of some new large auto dealer group. Not a moment too soon. So the 75,000 mile checkup has been performed. It was quite exciting with me dropping it off in the wrong bay, them not finding the key, me having to bring in the non-valet key, and screeching in there at 8:58 PM tonight with all the excitement. Linda would be proud: I negotiated a better price because of the delay: free "cabin filter" for the heating/AC system plus 5% off. Way to go!
So there was a lot of extra driving, the automobile version of the do-si-do as I picked up Daniel, we drove together to the dealership, drove back here to drop off my car, picked up Ketzl and took him with in Linda's car to take Daniel back to his house, and finally me and the cat home. Then he spent more time outside in the cool night air. Before leaving, I had turned on the fan, opened and closed the appropriate doors to maximize cooling (Linda was the queen of airflow, remember) so the house is very comfortable now.
Remember when you use the air-conditioning in the car to put the lever to "recycle" the air, rather than drawing in outside air and having to cool new air all the time.
Accomplishment: with Christine's help, Jeremy, Daniel and I are now booked for the trip to Germany for Julia and David's wedding in September! Exciting times!
More good news: Inga got the new job at the Catholic boys high school! Congrats!! I could hear the relief in her voice. She is very impressed with the commitment to high standards of education at the Jesuit school.
Tonight is the first time in ages (well, since I got the MacBook) that I've composed a blog entry on the desktop computer. Partly because I left the laptop at the office and also because I was paying bills and the websites don't recognize the new computer yet. Strange. OK but strange.
So there was a lot of extra driving, the automobile version of the do-si-do as I picked up Daniel, we drove together to the dealership, drove back here to drop off my car, picked up Ketzl and took him with in Linda's car to take Daniel back to his house, and finally me and the cat home. Then he spent more time outside in the cool night air. Before leaving, I had turned on the fan, opened and closed the appropriate doors to maximize cooling (Linda was the queen of airflow, remember) so the house is very comfortable now.
Remember when you use the air-conditioning in the car to put the lever to "recycle" the air, rather than drawing in outside air and having to cool new air all the time.
Accomplishment: with Christine's help, Jeremy, Daniel and I are now booked for the trip to Germany for Julia and David's wedding in September! Exciting times!
More good news: Inga got the new job at the Catholic boys high school! Congrats!! I could hear the relief in her voice. She is very impressed with the commitment to high standards of education at the Jesuit school.
Tonight is the first time in ages (well, since I got the MacBook) that I've composed a blog entry on the desktop computer. Partly because I left the laptop at the office and also because I was paying bills and the websites don't recognize the new computer yet. Strange. OK but strange.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
a tuesday night report
things are moving along, getting more ready. the laying out of clothes continues.
ketzl is outside, perched on his favorite rock by the sidewalk. when i've been gone all day, i like to let him out, even in the dark. we have a streetlight just to the right of the house, and it's pretty bright and (i think) safe out there.
yesterday morning was another memorial service as part of Shavuot. i had a hard time. i'm starting to think that i've entered a new "phase" in this process, where perhaps a numbness that was enabling me to function is now lifting and reality is starting to sink in in new ways. i look in the front hall closet and see linda's jackets and the tears come. i stand in the closet and see all the neatly folded sweaters on the shelves, and it is very difficult. a new phase.
linda's car is finished with its 75,000 mile checkup, because it was time and in preparation for the trip.
oh...one kind reader out there in blogland pointed out that i haven't given much detail about the upcoming trip. shelley, a dear friend of linda's from akron, is flying to California next Wednesday, and we are driving the car back to the midwest, where i am being dropped off at a camp in Oconomowoc WI for a weekend of study with Rabbi Karyn Kedar. shelley will drive the Hyundai Sonata GLS back "home" to akron. before we leave, we will do a brief taste of california coast and at least the golden gate bridge and then head north and east to see grand tetons natl park and yellowstone and the badlands of the dakotas and on to Wisconsin. there's the summary. we have 6 days. i'll be gone from california june 20-30, being picked up from camp by Liz (formerly Pittel, WPHS class of 66) who will keep me overnight near chicago and take me to the airport on the 30th.
one reality of giving the car to shelley is that it won't be parked in the driveway. that is going to be a major difference that i don't think i had seriously considered.
tonight was a graduation party for Ariel Welch, younger daughter of Paula Marsh. it was a lot of fun. 3 families got together to celebrate their daughters' accomplishment. yummy food.
check out www.oprah.com. today features Kris Carr who has stage 4 cancer with "beauty spots" in her liver. now Randy Pausch, diagnosed in Sept 06 with pancreatic cancer, is reprising his "Last Lecture." i'm pretty sure you can see this online.
"experience is what you get when you don't get what you wanted."
ahah, a blast from the past. i have to talk about the tomatoes. I HAVE FRUIT THAT HAS SET! on the variety called Mr. Stripey. i'm excited. i deep watered this morning because it's been pretty warm here (but not the 97 degrees that audrey is experiencing in NYC, complete with tennis!). and i really need to get the cages up. blossoms on the cucumbers too (lemon and armenian).
what is it about butterflies and bees? today when i was at Marshall's i found a lenox trivet in the shape of a butterfly, white background, with two gentle plants, and a butterfly on the left and a bee on the right. that combination has been sort of an icon for me and linda. from the light fixture in the bedroom are a lacy metal butterfly and an enameled bee. one of my favorite (can i say that?) condolence cards had a butterfly and a bee. dvora, my hebrew name, means bee. have i said that before? and linda collected a lot of butterfly things (t-shirts, boxes, and the innumerable photographs, and the peruvian butterfly pillow which matches the rocker recliner). so i bought the trivet.
one of the things Randy Pausch is talking about is deciding whether you are a tigger or an eeyore. one member of the synagogue calls me tigger katan (small tigger). i'm a tigger, clearly. but even a tigger has to rely on a lot of tissues sometimes.
Randy Pausch is ending his interview with Oprah: "if there is one thing i've learned through all of this, it's how good people are and how much they rise to the occasion." i too am so grateful for the support of friends and family. phone calls, emails, hugs, shared meals, and warm thoughts from near and far. as difficult as this time is, it is so important knowing that i am not alone, at least in some ways.
ketzl is in and wanting his asparagus.
ketzl is outside, perched on his favorite rock by the sidewalk. when i've been gone all day, i like to let him out, even in the dark. we have a streetlight just to the right of the house, and it's pretty bright and (i think) safe out there.
yesterday morning was another memorial service as part of Shavuot. i had a hard time. i'm starting to think that i've entered a new "phase" in this process, where perhaps a numbness that was enabling me to function is now lifting and reality is starting to sink in in new ways. i look in the front hall closet and see linda's jackets and the tears come. i stand in the closet and see all the neatly folded sweaters on the shelves, and it is very difficult. a new phase.
linda's car is finished with its 75,000 mile checkup, because it was time and in preparation for the trip.
oh...one kind reader out there in blogland pointed out that i haven't given much detail about the upcoming trip. shelley, a dear friend of linda's from akron, is flying to California next Wednesday, and we are driving the car back to the midwest, where i am being dropped off at a camp in Oconomowoc WI for a weekend of study with Rabbi Karyn Kedar. shelley will drive the Hyundai Sonata GLS back "home" to akron. before we leave, we will do a brief taste of california coast and at least the golden gate bridge and then head north and east to see grand tetons natl park and yellowstone and the badlands of the dakotas and on to Wisconsin. there's the summary. we have 6 days. i'll be gone from california june 20-30, being picked up from camp by Liz (formerly Pittel, WPHS class of 66) who will keep me overnight near chicago and take me to the airport on the 30th.
one reality of giving the car to shelley is that it won't be parked in the driveway. that is going to be a major difference that i don't think i had seriously considered.
tonight was a graduation party for Ariel Welch, younger daughter of Paula Marsh. it was a lot of fun. 3 families got together to celebrate their daughters' accomplishment. yummy food.
check out www.oprah.com. today features Kris Carr who has stage 4 cancer with "beauty spots" in her liver. now Randy Pausch, diagnosed in Sept 06 with pancreatic cancer, is reprising his "Last Lecture." i'm pretty sure you can see this online.
"experience is what you get when you don't get what you wanted."
ahah, a blast from the past. i have to talk about the tomatoes. I HAVE FRUIT THAT HAS SET! on the variety called Mr. Stripey. i'm excited. i deep watered this morning because it's been pretty warm here (but not the 97 degrees that audrey is experiencing in NYC, complete with tennis!). and i really need to get the cages up. blossoms on the cucumbers too (lemon and armenian).
what is it about butterflies and bees? today when i was at Marshall's i found a lenox trivet in the shape of a butterfly, white background, with two gentle plants, and a butterfly on the left and a bee on the right. that combination has been sort of an icon for me and linda. from the light fixture in the bedroom are a lacy metal butterfly and an enameled bee. one of my favorite (can i say that?) condolence cards had a butterfly and a bee. dvora, my hebrew name, means bee. have i said that before? and linda collected a lot of butterfly things (t-shirts, boxes, and the innumerable photographs, and the peruvian butterfly pillow which matches the rocker recliner). so i bought the trivet.
one of the things Randy Pausch is talking about is deciding whether you are a tigger or an eeyore. one member of the synagogue calls me tigger katan (small tigger). i'm a tigger, clearly. but even a tigger has to rely on a lot of tissues sometimes.
Randy Pausch is ending his interview with Oprah: "if there is one thing i've learned through all of this, it's how good people are and how much they rise to the occasion." i too am so grateful for the support of friends and family. phone calls, emails, hugs, shared meals, and warm thoughts from near and far. as difficult as this time is, it is so important knowing that i am not alone, at least in some ways.
ketzl is in and wanting his asparagus.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
making lists helps
with a list come tasks
tasks turn into appointments
hopefully giving enough time to make any necessary course corrections or adjustments in time to get everything done by june 18.
appointments set and in process: hair, car to dealership for 75,000 checkup, dr for strange dermatological issues on my arms, DMV on thursday to transfer title, and so on and so on and so on. feeling pretty darn accomplishful.
starting to lay out clothing for the trip, clearing laundry baskets, etc etc.
i spoke with Liz who will be picking me up at the end of my study session in wisconsin and keeping me overnite and taking me to the airport on june 30.
it has been a somewhat difficult weekend.
today marks 8 weeks. see, i'm still on weeks, and it's almost 2 months -- by Friday. staggering. overwhelming at times. looking in the hall closet at the collection of Linda's jackets really got me this afternoon. especially the leather jackets. handling the black and grey corduroy shirt on the chair in the bedroom. that too.
today i re-read the words that david and audrey read at the funeral. that too brought on tears. looking at the empty space on the towel rack. also difficult. thinking about apricots ripening and no Linda to help eat them. today i ate my first plum of the season from the japantown farmers market. there is a hebrew blessing one says the first time each year...it's a nice recognition, a way to mark time and be thankful.
yesterday i got skype to work. david and i have spoken several times, tho computer to computer is not so reliable. then today mimi and i were able to make it work part of the time. it's new for me and a bit frustrating but overall a great thing...free calls with video, computer to computer. i got it work work on my own!! download and install and figuring out how to add people. very cool. very proud.
i'm tired. i really wish ketzl would let me sleep in on the weekend. tomorrow is an early morning: blintz breakfast and study session starting at 8 AM, so just in case tomorrow would be the morning ketzl would let me sleep, i will set an alarm. don't want to miss the blintzes (dairy dishes to celebrate Shavuot and the receiving of Torah on Mt. Sinai; the study session will be the book of Ruth).
and i did get my car washed...by basketball players from milpitas high school after the hair trim yesterday. i much prefer supporting kids than paying the local commercial carwash. that was a nice turn of events. hopefully the dealer will wash Linda's car tomorrow along with the rest of the stuff.
tasks turn into appointments
hopefully giving enough time to make any necessary course corrections or adjustments in time to get everything done by june 18.
appointments set and in process: hair, car to dealership for 75,000 checkup, dr for strange dermatological issues on my arms, DMV on thursday to transfer title, and so on and so on and so on. feeling pretty darn accomplishful.
starting to lay out clothing for the trip, clearing laundry baskets, etc etc.
i spoke with Liz who will be picking me up at the end of my study session in wisconsin and keeping me overnite and taking me to the airport on june 30.
it has been a somewhat difficult weekend.
today marks 8 weeks. see, i'm still on weeks, and it's almost 2 months -- by Friday. staggering. overwhelming at times. looking in the hall closet at the collection of Linda's jackets really got me this afternoon. especially the leather jackets. handling the black and grey corduroy shirt on the chair in the bedroom. that too.
today i re-read the words that david and audrey read at the funeral. that too brought on tears. looking at the empty space on the towel rack. also difficult. thinking about apricots ripening and no Linda to help eat them. today i ate my first plum of the season from the japantown farmers market. there is a hebrew blessing one says the first time each year...it's a nice recognition, a way to mark time and be thankful.
yesterday i got skype to work. david and i have spoken several times, tho computer to computer is not so reliable. then today mimi and i were able to make it work part of the time. it's new for me and a bit frustrating but overall a great thing...free calls with video, computer to computer. i got it work work on my own!! download and install and figuring out how to add people. very cool. very proud.
i'm tired. i really wish ketzl would let me sleep in on the weekend. tomorrow is an early morning: blintz breakfast and study session starting at 8 AM, so just in case tomorrow would be the morning ketzl would let me sleep, i will set an alarm. don't want to miss the blintzes (dairy dishes to celebrate Shavuot and the receiving of Torah on Mt. Sinai; the study session will be the book of Ruth).
and i did get my car washed...by basketball players from milpitas high school after the hair trim yesterday. i much prefer supporting kids than paying the local commercial carwash. that was a nice turn of events. hopefully the dealer will wash Linda's car tomorrow along with the rest of the stuff.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
What are the *$(%$*#@!! odds?????
I ask you. What are the odds?
This afternoon when I went out to my car to go have coffee (at Barefoot Coffee Roasters, of course, former employer of Jeremy) with Jackie (before she leaves for a conference at Disneyland -- well not exactly AT Disneyland)...I get into my car and notice bird crap on the STEERING WHEEL!! Yuck!! Then I notice bird crap on the driver's window.
How did the bird crap get INTO the car? The window was only open about 2 inches. What direction was the bird flying? What was its speed, altitude and angle so that the trajectory of the bird crap not only hit the window but also made it IN through the TWO INCH (maximum) opening to land on the steering wheel???? What amazing confluence of speed, angle and timing made this possible???
I ask you: what are the odds?
Now I think it's really time to get the car washed.
This afternoon when I went out to my car to go have coffee (at Barefoot Coffee Roasters, of course, former employer of Jeremy) with Jackie (before she leaves for a conference at Disneyland -- well not exactly AT Disneyland)...I get into my car and notice bird crap on the STEERING WHEEL!! Yuck!! Then I notice bird crap on the driver's window.
How did the bird crap get INTO the car? The window was only open about 2 inches. What direction was the bird flying? What was its speed, altitude and angle so that the trajectory of the bird crap not only hit the window but also made it IN through the TWO INCH (maximum) opening to land on the steering wheel???? What amazing confluence of speed, angle and timing made this possible???
I ask you: what are the odds?
Now I think it's really time to get the car washed.
Two pieces of different excitement for the morning
Ketzl got thru the small hole in the back fence where one board is down and stepped down into the neighbors' hard. Interesting. He was just sniffing around and I was able to pull, persuade him to come back up and someone was in the backyard and he kindly put the board back up during the day.
Zippy, who is a kangaroo and the mascot of the University of Akron, was named the Capitol One National Mascot of the Year for 2007, this according to the spring edition of Akron Magazine. In the final competition, Zippy was up against Goldy Gopher, from the University of Minnesota. I'm not sure exactly how the whole contest worked, but it involved a lot of community support from the city of Akron and UA alumni all around the country. Not bad for a Mid-America Conference school competing against the big guys. Linda always said that the city of Akron had a really strong sense of community.
Also in the Akron Magazine: You can stay in a silo! Quaker Square Inn was created from the silos of the Quaker Oats plant, and was purchased by the University in 2007. It was converted into a hotel about 30 years ago, and now 96 of the rooms have been turned into a dorm. Very cool! Quaker Square is listed on the National Register of Historic Places.
Zippy, who is a kangaroo and the mascot of the University of Akron, was named the Capitol One National Mascot of the Year for 2007, this according to the spring edition of Akron Magazine. In the final competition, Zippy was up against Goldy Gopher, from the University of Minnesota. I'm not sure exactly how the whole contest worked, but it involved a lot of community support from the city of Akron and UA alumni all around the country. Not bad for a Mid-America Conference school competing against the big guys. Linda always said that the city of Akron had a really strong sense of community.
Also in the Akron Magazine: You can stay in a silo! Quaker Square Inn was created from the silos of the Quaker Oats plant, and was purchased by the University in 2007. It was converted into a hotel about 30 years ago, and now 96 of the rooms have been turned into a dorm. Very cool! Quaker Square is listed on the National Register of Historic Places.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
a good evening, all things considered
OK so i'm starting to feel overwhelmed with what needs to get done in 2 weeks.
between the allergies and being kinda teary some of the time, i'm doing a lot of sniffing. drives my co-worker nuts and she keeps offering me a tissue. sometimes i accept.
ketzl is outside again at night. i take pity on him being cooped up all day and he likes the cool night air and seems to be chasing bugs for a while. he didn't finish the strawberry i left this morning.
susan and i had set aside tonight to do dinner at her house, but changed our plans in order to see "Hair." ate first at Tee Nee Thai (is that a play on words of Teeny cuz it is a small restaurant, or does Tee Nee mean something in Thai?) the food was again fabulous, with the veggie appetizer combo with related sauces to start including an egg roll, a spring roll and wonderful sweet potato fries...that could be a dinner for me if i weren't sharing. and mango with sticky rice for dessert, which susan had never had before. it was the first dessert linda and i shared at a now-defunct Thai restaurant the night she flew into San Jose: August 18, 1999. the presentation here was so wonderful, i wish i'd had my camera!
Hair was a lot of fun. remember that i lived on Haight Street in 1968! i was there! one amazing thing about linda's encyclopedic knowledge of shows was that she knew what songs came from which show. many songs make it into the general repertoire but i rarely know the context in which they were set. many of the voices tonight were really good, and this made it a 2-Kristin Schmitz week for me, and i was able to bring the flowers from rochelle and kaeli that stayed home on Monday night. kristin was very appreciative, and we got to see stefan too before we sat down. proud papa, and rightfully so!
so tonight would have been a night that linda would have enjoyed. the food, especially the sticky rice with mango, and a decent college production of an old favorite. it's nights like this, doing things that linda would have enjoyed, that i most deeply feel her absence. susan lifted a forkful of mango and rice and said "here's to linda!" that was nice...
ketzl finished the strawberry and now is chowing down on cantaloupe. such an indulged creature he is. i really wish he would learn to fetch. i get tired of tossing balls, only to have him run after them and leave them there...
another book beside the bed is "Transcending Loss: Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and How to Make It Meaningful." talking about the first anniversary, and then the second, and the fifth and the twentieth. sheesh and i'm still counting in weeks!
one comment in some book or article or another...things don't ever go back to being the same as they were before. that's true of almost anything, i guess. i will never be the same as before i met linda. i will never be the same as before she died. this is the new (not necessarily improved) model of deborah. who sniffs a lot with allergy and teary eyes.
in addition to my purple PanCAN ribbon that i wear most days, i also try to wear a piece of jewelry that linda had worn. to keep her close. to take her with me on trips and experiences. sounds silly but it helps.
and now i need to think "what would Linda do?" approaching these next two weeks. i know. make a list. maybe by categories, like what around the house, what errands, what phone calls, pay bills, what to pack (i found an old packing list!) and keep it handy on a clipboard, and add to it as new items come to mind. that way, all in one place, i can keep better track of things that need doing, and check them off as they get done. for instance, cleaning the fridge. i made extra spaghetti more than a week ago. the leftovers never got eaten.
i know i've written before about "keeping linda in my heart," but i think, i'm not sure, that i had an experience of feeling her essence nestled in my heart. it was brief and after i got what it was, i think i was smiling. stay tuned.
between the allergies and being kinda teary some of the time, i'm doing a lot of sniffing. drives my co-worker nuts and she keeps offering me a tissue. sometimes i accept.
ketzl is outside again at night. i take pity on him being cooped up all day and he likes the cool night air and seems to be chasing bugs for a while. he didn't finish the strawberry i left this morning.
susan and i had set aside tonight to do dinner at her house, but changed our plans in order to see "Hair." ate first at Tee Nee Thai (is that a play on words of Teeny cuz it is a small restaurant, or does Tee Nee mean something in Thai?) the food was again fabulous, with the veggie appetizer combo with related sauces to start including an egg roll, a spring roll and wonderful sweet potato fries...that could be a dinner for me if i weren't sharing. and mango with sticky rice for dessert, which susan had never had before. it was the first dessert linda and i shared at a now-defunct Thai restaurant the night she flew into San Jose: August 18, 1999. the presentation here was so wonderful, i wish i'd had my camera!
Hair was a lot of fun. remember that i lived on Haight Street in 1968! i was there! one amazing thing about linda's encyclopedic knowledge of shows was that she knew what songs came from which show. many songs make it into the general repertoire but i rarely know the context in which they were set. many of the voices tonight were really good, and this made it a 2-Kristin Schmitz week for me, and i was able to bring the flowers from rochelle and kaeli that stayed home on Monday night. kristin was very appreciative, and we got to see stefan too before we sat down. proud papa, and rightfully so!
so tonight would have been a night that linda would have enjoyed. the food, especially the sticky rice with mango, and a decent college production of an old favorite. it's nights like this, doing things that linda would have enjoyed, that i most deeply feel her absence. susan lifted a forkful of mango and rice and said "here's to linda!" that was nice...
ketzl finished the strawberry and now is chowing down on cantaloupe. such an indulged creature he is. i really wish he would learn to fetch. i get tired of tossing balls, only to have him run after them and leave them there...
another book beside the bed is "Transcending Loss: Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and How to Make It Meaningful." talking about the first anniversary, and then the second, and the fifth and the twentieth. sheesh and i'm still counting in weeks!
one comment in some book or article or another...things don't ever go back to being the same as they were before. that's true of almost anything, i guess. i will never be the same as before i met linda. i will never be the same as before she died. this is the new (not necessarily improved) model of deborah. who sniffs a lot with allergy and teary eyes.
in addition to my purple PanCAN ribbon that i wear most days, i also try to wear a piece of jewelry that linda had worn. to keep her close. to take her with me on trips and experiences. sounds silly but it helps.
and now i need to think "what would Linda do?" approaching these next two weeks. i know. make a list. maybe by categories, like what around the house, what errands, what phone calls, pay bills, what to pack (i found an old packing list!) and keep it handy on a clipboard, and add to it as new items come to mind. that way, all in one place, i can keep better track of things that need doing, and check them off as they get done. for instance, cleaning the fridge. i made extra spaghetti more than a week ago. the leftovers never got eaten.
i know i've written before about "keeping linda in my heart," but i think, i'm not sure, that i had an experience of feeling her essence nestled in my heart. it was brief and after i got what it was, i think i was smiling. stay tuned.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Enough with the soft and fluffy?
I realize that my posts lately have been less reflective than some earlier ones. A new stage perhaps. I keep hearing that there is no road map for grieving. Whatever happens is fine. I'm OK with that, I guess. I stopped reading the books for a while. I did pick up "Going Solo" again last night and it had some nice resonances. It follows ten women who "lost" their husbands. Well, spouses. Same diff. A note about "losing" someone later.
So one of the questions asked toward the end of this very small book is "Who am I?" So I'm still Deborah. But for 8+ years, I was Deborah of Deborah and Linda, or Deborah of Linda and Deborah. We were a couple. Sharing all the stuff of life. And now the couple part is gone, at least physically. So I need to find out who I am now. Still Deborah. Deborah changed by the 8 years of relationship with Linda. Deborah changed by the death of Linda. Deborah taking steps on the journey each day. Deborah crying some almost every day, different things being triggers on different days. Very unpredictable. So the woman in "Going Solo" figured out that the answer to "who am I?" is "who I am." And the answer to "who am I now?" is "who I am now." It's about being in the present and accepting it for what it is.
There are some pretty detailed exercises in the book "Mourning and Mitzvah," which is a book focusing on some of the Jewish aspects of the grief process. I don't think I'm quite there yet, able to focus on writing exercises, though I have promised myself I will start some kind of journal. I have the book in which to write. Not started. Yet.
I'm still having trouble getting out of the house on time. It is problematic. And needs to get fixed as the administrator is leaving end of the month, and I'll be on vacation June 19-30. If I really consider how much I need to get done by the 18th, I'll probably freak out. I'm really good at "head in the sand."
So back to the question of "lost." Many people come up to me and say the standard greeting to a mourner, "I'm so sorry for your loss." What does that mean? I'm rarely one for euphemisms. I really don't like "passed." A person dies. Linda died on April 13, 2008. That is a reality. Her body stopped living on that day. That's not lost. And yet, a friend whose father died recently said that she, too, felt uncomfortable with the "losing" terminology. But then at one point, she realized that in fact that her dear sweet father was in fact "lost" to her in a very real sense, even if she didn't do the "losing."
Another small point in "Going Solo" was about memory. "Remembering is a tricky business. The coin of memory is like any other. Flip it in the air and you take your chances, heads or tails. Happy or sad. In the end what is most important is that you have that coin -- and that is always a blessing."
I read in the books that the relationship with the deceased does not end. Dialogue can continue. The love does not stop. I'm still grappling with these. Mostly, I still take one day at a time, one foot in front of the other, on this continuing journey.
Ketzl just ate a strawberry and is looking to settle on my lap, so i think i need to get rid of the laptop and get the cat instead!
So one of the questions asked toward the end of this very small book is "Who am I?" So I'm still Deborah. But for 8+ years, I was Deborah of Deborah and Linda, or Deborah of Linda and Deborah. We were a couple. Sharing all the stuff of life. And now the couple part is gone, at least physically. So I need to find out who I am now. Still Deborah. Deborah changed by the 8 years of relationship with Linda. Deborah changed by the death of Linda. Deborah taking steps on the journey each day. Deborah crying some almost every day, different things being triggers on different days. Very unpredictable. So the woman in "Going Solo" figured out that the answer to "who am I?" is "who I am." And the answer to "who am I now?" is "who I am now." It's about being in the present and accepting it for what it is.
There are some pretty detailed exercises in the book "Mourning and Mitzvah," which is a book focusing on some of the Jewish aspects of the grief process. I don't think I'm quite there yet, able to focus on writing exercises, though I have promised myself I will start some kind of journal. I have the book in which to write. Not started. Yet.
I'm still having trouble getting out of the house on time. It is problematic. And needs to get fixed as the administrator is leaving end of the month, and I'll be on vacation June 19-30. If I really consider how much I need to get done by the 18th, I'll probably freak out. I'm really good at "head in the sand."
So back to the question of "lost." Many people come up to me and say the standard greeting to a mourner, "I'm so sorry for your loss." What does that mean? I'm rarely one for euphemisms. I really don't like "passed." A person dies. Linda died on April 13, 2008. That is a reality. Her body stopped living on that day. That's not lost. And yet, a friend whose father died recently said that she, too, felt uncomfortable with the "losing" terminology. But then at one point, she realized that in fact that her dear sweet father was in fact "lost" to her in a very real sense, even if she didn't do the "losing."
Another small point in "Going Solo" was about memory. "Remembering is a tricky business. The coin of memory is like any other. Flip it in the air and you take your chances, heads or tails. Happy or sad. In the end what is most important is that you have that coin -- and that is always a blessing."
I read in the books that the relationship with the deceased does not end. Dialogue can continue. The love does not stop. I'm still grappling with these. Mostly, I still take one day at a time, one foot in front of the other, on this continuing journey.
Ketzl just ate a strawberry and is looking to settle on my lap, so i think i need to get rid of the laptop and get the cat instead!
Cat's night out
Tonight was the 2nd night in a row that I was home late. So I took pity on Ketzl and he is outside on the tether, in the cool night air, sitting on a rock near the front sidewalk. I do feel badly that he is not out as much as he would like. I came home midday to get lunch and vote (and lock my keys in the car while buying strawberries) and he snoozed in a box on the deck. He loves that part. I did leave him with tuna and melon for the afternoon. But it's not enough outside time. Not in the backyard at night, however. I think we've rid the back of critters but it's not worth the risk.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Ketzl is a wild beast this evening
Partly because I was gone all day, but also he gets a burst of energy at night. I am tossing balls, honeysuckle pillows and other things for him to bat at. I think maybe he is a south paw (ha ha paw!) because he has a really good whap with his left...He sits on top of one of his perches and is content to stay up there as long as I am willing to throw things for him to bat. I'm hoping to tire him out a bit so he won't get me up at 5 AM again in the morning. He is also clearing the kitchen table of vitamin bottles. He just did what appeared to be a dive (as a human would do off the edge of a swimming pool) off the round end table near the couch here in the family room. Sheesh. I hope he settles down soon.
Of course the first thing I did when I got home from the theater was to put out the TJ's tuna fish and fresh cooked asparagus. First things first. He's back to the food bowls, finishing them off now.
Of course the first thing I did when I got home from the theater was to put out the TJ's tuna fish and fresh cooked asparagus. First things first. He's back to the food bowls, finishing them off now.
Things Akron-ish
Linda was always very proud -- at least knowledgeable -- of things related to Akron. In the local news recently was a story about the soap box derby winners locally (2 of the 3 were girls), who will go on to the national derby in Akron later in the summer. Known as the Rubber Capital of the World, Akron was home to BF Goodrich, Goodyear and General Tire. There was also a large chemical processing industry related to tires.
From Wikipedia, here are some other Akron highlights:
* First balloon tire
* First automobile tires made in the United States
* First rubber-wound golf ball
* First breakfast cereal
* First artificial fish bait
* First cotton-covered rubber fire hose
* First U.S. toy company
* First synthetic rubber tire
* First commercial tubeless tire
* First graded school system in United States
* First automobile police patrol wagon
* First long distance electric railway in world
* First U.S. space suits
* First trans-active science museum (National Inventors Hall of Fame)
* First meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous
* First National Football League champions (1920) (Akron Professionals)
* First zeppelin built in the United States
* Sojourner Truth's famous speech, Ain't I a Woman?, was delivered in 1851 at the Ohio Women's Rights Convention in Akron, Ohio.
* One of the only Y-shaped bridges in the United States, the All-American Bridge, is located in Akron, Ohio.
* Italian-American mobster Rosario Borgio arrived in Akron, Ohio in the early 1900's and established one of the first organized crime operations in the Midwest during the 20th century.
* The Home of Cleveland Cavalier's Lebron James
* The height of Akron, Ohio's tallest building the FirstMerit Tower roof is 330 in feet which is the city's area code.
* Winner of an All-American City award in 1981.
* Winner of an All-American City award in 1995.
* Thomas Edison married his 2nd wife Mina Miller on February 24, 1886 in Akron
From Wikipedia, here are some other Akron highlights:
* First balloon tire
* First automobile tires made in the United States
* First rubber-wound golf ball
* First breakfast cereal
* First artificial fish bait
* First cotton-covered rubber fire hose
* First U.S. toy company
* First synthetic rubber tire
* First commercial tubeless tire
* First graded school system in United States
* First automobile police patrol wagon
* First long distance electric railway in world
* First U.S. space suits
* First trans-active science museum (National Inventors Hall of Fame)
* First meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous
* First National Football League champions (1920) (Akron Professionals)
* First zeppelin built in the United States
* Sojourner Truth's famous speech, Ain't I a Woman?, was delivered in 1851 at the Ohio Women's Rights Convention in Akron, Ohio.
* One of the only Y-shaped bridges in the United States, the All-American Bridge, is located in Akron, Ohio.
* Italian-American mobster Rosario Borgio arrived in Akron, Ohio in the early 1900's and established one of the first organized crime operations in the Midwest during the 20th century.
* The Home of Cleveland Cavalier's Lebron James
* The height of Akron, Ohio's tallest building the FirstMerit Tower roof is 330 in feet which is the city's area code.
* Winner of an All-American City award in 1981.
* Winner of an All-American City award in 1995.
* Thomas Edison married his 2nd wife Mina Miller on February 24, 1886 in Akron
Vagina Monologues 2008
Maybe 5 years ago, Linda and I saw Eve Ensler, the author of "Vagina Monologues" perform the piece in San Francisco. There were a handful, maybe two, of men in the audience. Tonight's show was by students from Santa Clara University. They had done it last year, to sell out crowds. This year because of the content, the show was not allowed back on campus. Instead, it was held at the American Legion Hall a few blocks away. That's a wonderful tribute to openmindedness.
It was really wonderful. Such a lot of energy...and a lot of young men in attendance.
The proceeds will be shared among the women of New Orleans and two local groups.
If you have never seen Vagina Monologues, I urge you to do so if it comes around again. Eve Ensler does it as a solo show. When it is done by others, it's a group show. Very touching and funny and poignant and real. Good theater.
It was really wonderful. Such a lot of energy...and a lot of young men in attendance.
The proceeds will be shared among the women of New Orleans and two local groups.
If you have never seen Vagina Monologues, I urge you to do so if it comes around again. Eve Ensler does it as a solo show. When it is done by others, it's a group show. Very touching and funny and poignant and real. Good theater.
It's all in the timing...
Linda would be pleased. I read recently in the Mercury News that San Jose is among several cities that will be receiving money to improve the timing on traffic signals. Not only does it save time, but improving the synchronization of the lights on major streets will also conserve gas. Definitely a good thing.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
I remember what it was!
Ahah! With a cup of tea and piece of toast with peanut butter, the brain is refreshed and retrieved the important piece of information.
The small outside refrigerator is almost history. I believe the story goes that Linda rescued it from the sidewalk who knows how many years ago. It resided on the breezeway (for those of you in California, that's the screened area that linked the garage and house) in Ohio for who knows how many years. It came along with all the other items on the big moving van just 8 years ago, and lived out on the back patio. It was used to keep extra drinks, the stockpile of cream cheese (bought on sale but good for several months), the backup yogurt, cottage cheese, celery, orange juice, etc.
But as has been noted here more than once, one person consumes significantly less, and I tend to stock up less anyway. The fridge in the kitchen is more than large enough to hold what I need.
I emptied all the remaining items, threw out the things that were no longer good, and turned it off. It defrosted and drained. It will take a bit to pull it away from the wall and unplug. And then I need to figure out a way to get this small antique disposed of.
Next job: the freezer.
So off to get ready to head to Los Gatos and the Sisterhood brunch. Home for a bit in between and then Happy Birthday Billy!
The small outside refrigerator is almost history. I believe the story goes that Linda rescued it from the sidewalk who knows how many years ago. It resided on the breezeway (for those of you in California, that's the screened area that linked the garage and house) in Ohio for who knows how many years. It came along with all the other items on the big moving van just 8 years ago, and lived out on the back patio. It was used to keep extra drinks, the stockpile of cream cheese (bought on sale but good for several months), the backup yogurt, cottage cheese, celery, orange juice, etc.
But as has been noted here more than once, one person consumes significantly less, and I tend to stock up less anyway. The fridge in the kitchen is more than large enough to hold what I need.
I emptied all the remaining items, threw out the things that were no longer good, and turned it off. It defrosted and drained. It will take a bit to pull it away from the wall and unplug. And then I need to figure out a way to get this small antique disposed of.
Next job: the freezer.
So off to get ready to head to Los Gatos and the Sisterhood brunch. Home for a bit in between and then Happy Birthday Billy!
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