grey foggy morning
leaves falling gently from trees
we stalk a squirrel
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
happy new year one and all
right now it's the Barbra Streisand retrospective on the Kennedy Center Honors...very nicely done.
today my car is registered for the coming year, late. another piece that got lost. new motto: bill comes in, pay it now. on the way home i drove next to a subaru wrx, electric blue with the ridiculous tall spoiler on the back. nice color. i'd love to have that. barring blue, maybe 2009 is the year that my silver forester gets flames, purple and black.
this is the car that Linda helped choose for me. it fits me perfectly. i had been driving a tan chevy blazer in 1999. it was too big, got lousy mileage and was getting older. so i sat in a subaru. one thing i still like about it are the windows all around, like an old-time station wagon. it feels safer, being able to see without a blind spot. not sure i could transition to a sedan. i still don't have many miles because all of our long-distance trips were in Linda's Hyundai...more comfy and a joy to drive. it handles so well on the freeway. so wherever i go, driving, i'm surrounded by Linda.
tonight more demonstrations in SF. it's always so difficult and yet so clear: if Hamas stops firing rockets, Israel will have no cause to retaliate. two people i know are on their way to Israel, i think. we'll keep them in our thoughts.
moving forward regarding garden revitalization. it will be a long process but worth it. met a new horticulturist this morning. good impression. i think it's going to work out well.
so tomorrow is the last day of 2008. it has been a difficult year for many of us who had Linda in our lives. we have made it through a lot of "firsts" already, and there are more to come between now and April. i bought myself an early birthday present, a print of a purple butterfly from Heron Dance. i know there are no walls on which to put it, but i'll find a place, probably in the bedroom.
tomorrow night will be the traditional party with nursery school parents, and then over to Jeff and Razmik's for their bash, complete with the upside-down Christmas tree full of fabulous ornaments, and delicious desserts.
so, with high hopes for the coming year. it's got to get better. wonder where i can watch Obama's inauguration. planning for the future. one foot in front of the other. that's the journey.
today my car is registered for the coming year, late. another piece that got lost. new motto: bill comes in, pay it now. on the way home i drove next to a subaru wrx, electric blue with the ridiculous tall spoiler on the back. nice color. i'd love to have that. barring blue, maybe 2009 is the year that my silver forester gets flames, purple and black.
this is the car that Linda helped choose for me. it fits me perfectly. i had been driving a tan chevy blazer in 1999. it was too big, got lousy mileage and was getting older. so i sat in a subaru. one thing i still like about it are the windows all around, like an old-time station wagon. it feels safer, being able to see without a blind spot. not sure i could transition to a sedan. i still don't have many miles because all of our long-distance trips were in Linda's Hyundai...more comfy and a joy to drive. it handles so well on the freeway. so wherever i go, driving, i'm surrounded by Linda.
tonight more demonstrations in SF. it's always so difficult and yet so clear: if Hamas stops firing rockets, Israel will have no cause to retaliate. two people i know are on their way to Israel, i think. we'll keep them in our thoughts.
moving forward regarding garden revitalization. it will be a long process but worth it. met a new horticulturist this morning. good impression. i think it's going to work out well.
so tomorrow is the last day of 2008. it has been a difficult year for many of us who had Linda in our lives. we have made it through a lot of "firsts" already, and there are more to come between now and April. i bought myself an early birthday present, a print of a purple butterfly from Heron Dance. i know there are no walls on which to put it, but i'll find a place, probably in the bedroom.
tomorrow night will be the traditional party with nursery school parents, and then over to Jeff and Razmik's for their bash, complete with the upside-down Christmas tree full of fabulous ornaments, and delicious desserts.
so, with high hopes for the coming year. it's got to get better. wonder where i can watch Obama's inauguration. planning for the future. one foot in front of the other. that's the journey.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
end of chanukah, hats, and more
tonight was the last night of chanukah. may the lights shine brightly in these dark days, dark in so many ways, and into the coming year. i didn't actually light the chanukiyah. nor did we last night. went to see Kinsey Sicks (appropriately funny and gross) in San Francisco last night. on the way home i waded through a police sobriety/license stop. took probably almost half an hour extra. good thing there was nice music in the cd player.
i was moving a black hat to sit down to type, one of Linda's large collection of newsboy caps (6 panels, small brim), that i had taken to santa monica, hoping to convince my father to try a new one. this one came home. i put it on. hats do keep heads warm. and also cover hair that is looking a bit long and shaggy. i think i may wear this hat tomorrow.
Barack Obama is all over the place. on 60 minutes with a historical look. on a friend's blog, his tribute to neighbor Rabbi Arnold Wolf. it's a bit long but a wonderful reminder that we will have a literate, compassionate president in not much more than 3 weeks. wow.
"Letter from President-Elect Barack Obama
Funeral of Rabbi Arnold Jacob Wolf
December 26, 2008
Chicago, Illinois
I am deeply saddened to learn of the passing of Rabbi Arnold Jacob Wolf, who was not just our neighbor, but a dear friend to Michelle and me. We are joined in this time of grief by the entire Hyde Park community, the American Jewish Community, and all those who shared Rabbi Wolf's passion for learning and profound commitment to serving others. Today we bid farewell to a titan of moral strength and a champion of social justice.
Rabbi Wolf always remained true to the meaning of being a rabbi: he was a teacher. He took great pleasure in delving into Judaism's ancient texts, drawing out lessons about right and wrong, and inspiring young people to engage the world and strive to improve it. He transformed the historic tradition into a catalyst for Tikkun Olam - the sacred pursuit of repairing a broken world in our own time. He taught us by example that we must pray not just with words, but with deeds - and that we must truly live the meaning of "love thy neighbor as thyself."
In the great Rabbinical tradition, Rabbi Wolf was passionate and provoc ative in this work - and my conversations with him were always lively. You knew that if he disagreed with you, he would let you know in no uncertain terms - especially if he thought you were overlooking the moral dimensions of an issue, or rationalizing your own failure to live up to the highest moral principles. But he did it with kindness, and often with a smile or a laugh to let you know that even though you were just plain wrong, and had no idea what you were talking about, he still loved you.
Rabbi Wolf's commitment to justice started early in life. As a young rabbi serving at a turbulent time for our nation, he was determined to fight discrimination of any kind, and his involvement in the Civil Rights movement alongside Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel helped strengthen the bonds between the Jewish and African-American communities.
Rabbi Wolf embarked on an historic experiment with the founding of Congregation Solel on Chicago's North Shore. Solel, which means "trailblazer," describes him well. He was proud to have Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. as an honored guest speaker. He was among the first to introduce to Chicago the writings of Elie Wiesel and Holocaust studies. And he never shied away from controversy or challenge when he saw an opportunity to advance the cause of freedom.
Throughout Chicago and in Jewish homes and classrooms across our country, Rabbi Wolf's name is synonymous with service, social action, and the possibility of change. He will be remembered as a loving husband and father, an engaging teacher, a kindhearted shepherd for the K.A.M. Isaiah community, and a tireless advocate of peace for the United States, Israel and the world.
And I will always be personally grateful for the support he showed me as I embarked on my own journey. In a piece Rabbi Wolf wrote on my behalf months ago, he wrote that he was proud to be my neighbor and that he hoped to someday visit me in the White House. In the end, however, the honor was all mine. And while he may not have lived to pay that visit to the Oval Office, I hope that his spirit of love, his love of learning, and his deep dedication to serving others will live on in the work I do each day. May his memory be a blessing and a comfort to us all and an inspiration for the generations to come."
my friend a retired episcopal priest in maryland sent me the link to this amazing youtube video, from Bjorn Borg's Love for All new site. amazing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPSfjReeC_k
ok that's enough for today.
short week.
"see you next year!"
remember when you'd say that as a kid? and laugh!!
i was moving a black hat to sit down to type, one of Linda's large collection of newsboy caps (6 panels, small brim), that i had taken to santa monica, hoping to convince my father to try a new one. this one came home. i put it on. hats do keep heads warm. and also cover hair that is looking a bit long and shaggy. i think i may wear this hat tomorrow.
Barack Obama is all over the place. on 60 minutes with a historical look. on a friend's blog, his tribute to neighbor Rabbi Arnold Wolf. it's a bit long but a wonderful reminder that we will have a literate, compassionate president in not much more than 3 weeks. wow.
"Letter from President-Elect Barack Obama
Funeral of Rabbi Arnold Jacob Wolf
December 26, 2008
Chicago, Illinois
I am deeply saddened to learn of the passing of Rabbi Arnold Jacob Wolf, who was not just our neighbor, but a dear friend to Michelle and me. We are joined in this time of grief by the entire Hyde Park community, the American Jewish Community, and all those who shared Rabbi Wolf's passion for learning and profound commitment to serving others. Today we bid farewell to a titan of moral strength and a champion of social justice.
Rabbi Wolf always remained true to the meaning of being a rabbi: he was a teacher. He took great pleasure in delving into Judaism's ancient texts, drawing out lessons about right and wrong, and inspiring young people to engage the world and strive to improve it. He transformed the historic tradition into a catalyst for Tikkun Olam - the sacred pursuit of repairing a broken world in our own time. He taught us by example that we must pray not just with words, but with deeds - and that we must truly live the meaning of "love thy neighbor as thyself."
In the great Rabbinical tradition, Rabbi Wolf was passionate and provoc ative in this work - and my conversations with him were always lively. You knew that if he disagreed with you, he would let you know in no uncertain terms - especially if he thought you were overlooking the moral dimensions of an issue, or rationalizing your own failure to live up to the highest moral principles. But he did it with kindness, and often with a smile or a laugh to let you know that even though you were just plain wrong, and had no idea what you were talking about, he still loved you.
Rabbi Wolf's commitment to justice started early in life. As a young rabbi serving at a turbulent time for our nation, he was determined to fight discrimination of any kind, and his involvement in the Civil Rights movement alongside Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel helped strengthen the bonds between the Jewish and African-American communities.
Rabbi Wolf embarked on an historic experiment with the founding of Congregation Solel on Chicago's North Shore. Solel, which means "trailblazer," describes him well. He was proud to have Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. as an honored guest speaker. He was among the first to introduce to Chicago the writings of Elie Wiesel and Holocaust studies. And he never shied away from controversy or challenge when he saw an opportunity to advance the cause of freedom.
Throughout Chicago and in Jewish homes and classrooms across our country, Rabbi Wolf's name is synonymous with service, social action, and the possibility of change. He will be remembered as a loving husband and father, an engaging teacher, a kindhearted shepherd for the K.A.M. Isaiah community, and a tireless advocate of peace for the United States, Israel and the world.
And I will always be personally grateful for the support he showed me as I embarked on my own journey. In a piece Rabbi Wolf wrote on my behalf months ago, he wrote that he was proud to be my neighbor and that he hoped to someday visit me in the White House. In the end, however, the honor was all mine. And while he may not have lived to pay that visit to the Oval Office, I hope that his spirit of love, his love of learning, and his deep dedication to serving others will live on in the work I do each day. May his memory be a blessing and a comfort to us all and an inspiration for the generations to come."
my friend a retired episcopal priest in maryland sent me the link to this amazing youtube video, from Bjorn Borg's Love for All new site. amazing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPSfjReeC_k
ok that's enough for today.
short week.
"see you next year!"
remember when you'd say that as a kid? and laugh!!
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Chanukah night 4
today was a short day at work and then up to my co-worker's mom's house for dinner and Chanukah. a nice traditional setting...lots of kids, families all bring their chanukiyot and light together. lots of yummy food. i left before the onslaught of gift opening commenced. it was a unique experience for me.
yesterday was chanukah at the home of neighbors, members of the synagogue. excellent latkes, turkey, matzo ball soup (i got a to-go container which was yummy lunch), snacks, etc. gift last night was homemade olive oil with lemon blush. for dunking and salads only. we are warned. tonight's gifts from Marcy: a box of cherry cordial candies (we had been talking about them in the office) and several cards of the kind of clip you can poke into the walls of an office cubicle and hang things. i had been borrowing some and now can return them. i gave her a bag of yummy fresh brussels sprouts, a bar of goat milk and honey soap, and a handknit poncho in brown and some sparkly yarns. non-traditional gifts. it's what makes the holiday fun.
the weekend is shaping up. tomorrow, j will come help do some work around the house. then movie and chinese dinner. even tho friday is technically a day off, i will be getting ready for the chanukah party after services. keeping perhaps a bit too busy? important and useful. don't forget the 30 dozen jelly filled donut holes, to be picked up at noon.
i took ketzl out when i got home. it was cold and windy. there is a cat out there who looks like a longhaired cousin of his. same grey color, same general markings. but shaggy. i avoid having a direct confrontation. tonight he came running out of the house when erev xmas visitors were leaving. one couple got into a monster truck with the most beautiful flames. it was really lifted, lots of lights and flames. wow. i'm so jealous. every year i think about getting it done. perhaps for my birthday. but get dissuaded. maybe 2009 will be "the year" ...
yesterday was chanukah at the home of neighbors, members of the synagogue. excellent latkes, turkey, matzo ball soup (i got a to-go container which was yummy lunch), snacks, etc. gift last night was homemade olive oil with lemon blush. for dunking and salads only. we are warned. tonight's gifts from Marcy: a box of cherry cordial candies (we had been talking about them in the office) and several cards of the kind of clip you can poke into the walls of an office cubicle and hang things. i had been borrowing some and now can return them. i gave her a bag of yummy fresh brussels sprouts, a bar of goat milk and honey soap, and a handknit poncho in brown and some sparkly yarns. non-traditional gifts. it's what makes the holiday fun.
the weekend is shaping up. tomorrow, j will come help do some work around the house. then movie and chinese dinner. even tho friday is technically a day off, i will be getting ready for the chanukah party after services. keeping perhaps a bit too busy? important and useful. don't forget the 30 dozen jelly filled donut holes, to be picked up at noon.
i took ketzl out when i got home. it was cold and windy. there is a cat out there who looks like a longhaired cousin of his. same grey color, same general markings. but shaggy. i avoid having a direct confrontation. tonight he came running out of the house when erev xmas visitors were leaving. one couple got into a monster truck with the most beautiful flames. it was really lifted, lots of lights and flames. wow. i'm so jealous. every year i think about getting it done. perhaps for my birthday. but get dissuaded. maybe 2009 will be "the year" ...
Sunday, December 21, 2008
wonderful evening
the latkes were wonderful
bbq'd tri-tip was yummy.
salad with dried cranberries etc
fizzy pomegranate to drink
and desserts: cappuccino mousse and mango mousse.
totally wow.
hanukkah candles and birthday candle.
it was wonderful for the 3 of us to be together.
and the food was great.
the new WMF peeler is phenomenal.
and ketzl likes the new treats i got at pet food express (i got 4 different kinds)...wow what great stuff they have. but the harness is too small. i'll need to exchange it.
plans were made for movie and chinese on thursday.
daniel only has monday to work. jeremy has monday/tuesday. i have mon-midday weds. quick week will be just fine.
bbq'd tri-tip was yummy.
salad with dried cranberries etc
fizzy pomegranate to drink
and desserts: cappuccino mousse and mango mousse.
totally wow.
hanukkah candles and birthday candle.
it was wonderful for the 3 of us to be together.
and the food was great.
the new WMF peeler is phenomenal.
and ketzl likes the new treats i got at pet food express (i got 4 different kinds)...wow what great stuff they have. but the harness is too small. i'll need to exchange it.
plans were made for movie and chinese on thursday.
daniel only has monday to work. jeremy has monday/tuesday. i have mon-midday weds. quick week will be just fine.
happy birthday Jeremy, happy hanukkah etc.
tonight is the first night of Hanukkah and we will celebrate Jeremy's birthday as well (candle in a latke?). i am embarrassed to admit that i didn't call him on Friday, the actual day. it was crazy at work, but that's no excuse. fortunately it wasn't someone in Linda's family (for whom birthdays have much more significance).
latkes have various incarnations. my mother did the minimalist approach: potato, egg and salt. Linda maintained that without onion, it wasn't a true latke. Aud points out that it needs a bit of matzo meal to hold things together. topped with either sour cream or applesauce. yum.
it's been somewhat cold here, and all the leaves have now fallen off the peach and nectarine trees. the shapely ones on the apricot tree have all turned golden and are falling gently. i am nursing the last of the neighbor's persimmons which hang in my backyard (and which i pick with their permission). i got a few more at the farmers market yesterday.
this year's Hanukkah presents consist of donations to organizations that feel important to me: supporting families of prisoners (Friends Outside), food bank, microfinance loans to women (FINCA), mosquito nets and solar cookers for Darfur refugees, PanCAN, Hospice of the Valley. for the most part, my family does not need more "things."
everyone is feeling the pinch. just read that Shakespeare Santa Cruz is having trouble. so is Youth Science Institute. American Musical Theatre of San Jose closed shop. all around organizations are struggling, and then Madoff pulls his tricks. is it possible that he really believes he was doing something good? that he was not stealing? and the IL governor i think believes he did nothing wrong.
i rummaged in the drawers in the dining room and found candles, a hanukkiyah (the official name for the menora used at hanukkah) and even a birthday banner. there are a LOT of candles. the gentle scent that wafted up on opening the drawer was really nice. waxen. (one of Linda's key words used in guessing words in Jotto) since Ketzl, there are fewer candles burned in the house. even the memorial candle is a plug-in.
it's nice to have a day fully at home. first load of laundry in. sorting papers. doing dishes. it will be nice to have even more days next week. looking forward also to a trip to SF next Saturday to eat more latkes (!) with Linda F and her sister and then to see Kinsey Sicks, the world's first dragapella quartet, doing their holiday show, Oy Vey in a Manger (two of the singers are Jewish). they are amazing singers and the blend is fantastic, and it will be good to laugh a lot.
and yet it is hard. here i am, another first. first Chanukah without Linda. just when i thought that things were moving along, and that the holiday season wasn't going to be too difficult. hmmmm. watching the snow falling on the Seahawks/Jets game. going to dinner and a play last night with Nath. as Cindy from the support group said, you just don't know when a wave of sadness will sweep over and bring on tears. one woman invited us to her house on Christmas Day. i think i may take her up on that, and see if anyone wants to go to a movie. and then there is always Chinese food (the traditional way Jews spend the day).
ok...things are mostly packed. i'll stop by Christine's to drop off her veggies, etc., run by Costco to see how long the gas lines are. a few more errands and then it's latke time.
latkes have various incarnations. my mother did the minimalist approach: potato, egg and salt. Linda maintained that without onion, it wasn't a true latke. Aud points out that it needs a bit of matzo meal to hold things together. topped with either sour cream or applesauce. yum.
it's been somewhat cold here, and all the leaves have now fallen off the peach and nectarine trees. the shapely ones on the apricot tree have all turned golden and are falling gently. i am nursing the last of the neighbor's persimmons which hang in my backyard (and which i pick with their permission). i got a few more at the farmers market yesterday.
this year's Hanukkah presents consist of donations to organizations that feel important to me: supporting families of prisoners (Friends Outside), food bank, microfinance loans to women (FINCA), mosquito nets and solar cookers for Darfur refugees, PanCAN, Hospice of the Valley. for the most part, my family does not need more "things."
everyone is feeling the pinch. just read that Shakespeare Santa Cruz is having trouble. so is Youth Science Institute. American Musical Theatre of San Jose closed shop. all around organizations are struggling, and then Madoff pulls his tricks. is it possible that he really believes he was doing something good? that he was not stealing? and the IL governor i think believes he did nothing wrong.
i rummaged in the drawers in the dining room and found candles, a hanukkiyah (the official name for the menora used at hanukkah) and even a birthday banner. there are a LOT of candles. the gentle scent that wafted up on opening the drawer was really nice. waxen. (one of Linda's key words used in guessing words in Jotto) since Ketzl, there are fewer candles burned in the house. even the memorial candle is a plug-in.
it's nice to have a day fully at home. first load of laundry in. sorting papers. doing dishes. it will be nice to have even more days next week. looking forward also to a trip to SF next Saturday to eat more latkes (!) with Linda F and her sister and then to see Kinsey Sicks, the world's first dragapella quartet, doing their holiday show, Oy Vey in a Manger (two of the singers are Jewish). they are amazing singers and the blend is fantastic, and it will be good to laugh a lot.
and yet it is hard. here i am, another first. first Chanukah without Linda. just when i thought that things were moving along, and that the holiday season wasn't going to be too difficult. hmmmm. watching the snow falling on the Seahawks/Jets game. going to dinner and a play last night with Nath. as Cindy from the support group said, you just don't know when a wave of sadness will sweep over and bring on tears. one woman invited us to her house on Christmas Day. i think i may take her up on that, and see if anyone wants to go to a movie. and then there is always Chinese food (the traditional way Jews spend the day).
ok...things are mostly packed. i'll stop by Christine's to drop off her veggies, etc., run by Costco to see how long the gas lines are. a few more errands and then it's latke time.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
some things work, others don't
the strange glitch with the bathroom window alarm contact not connecting in the closed position has been spontaneously fixed. i'm glad. now it's so cold i don't want to leave the window open even during the day, especially when it's raining. but now the dishwasher latch is not working well. what is the life expectancy of a dishwasher?
so garbage is out. i waited long enough and missed the rain. i think the pending rain is helping keep the temperature from dropping too low. a bit of relief. it was 38 degrees this morning when christine and i went out for our walk.
ketzl and i went out for a decent walk tonight while i talked with paula and carolyn.
so much strange stuff. obama choosing rick warren for the invocation. madoff being a complete thief and stealing billions.
so garbage is out. i waited long enough and missed the rain. i think the pending rain is helping keep the temperature from dropping too low. a bit of relief. it was 38 degrees this morning when christine and i went out for our walk.
ketzl and i went out for a decent walk tonight while i talked with paula and carolyn.
so much strange stuff. obama choosing rick warren for the invocation. madoff being a complete thief and stealing billions.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
more snow, more "cold"
supposedly down to 28 tonight in this area.
last night there were weird things with the computer: caps lock that i couldn't get out of for a while.
ketzl got two walks tonight. once before dinner with Jeff and Razmik, Charlie and Christine (Merit Cafe, excellent vegetarian food with three vegan desserts!!), and once after. the boys gave ketzl a crinkly tunnel. we'll see if he likes it. then we went to their house to see the new upsidedown christmas tree. with lights. very interesting. looks good.
clear crisp starry sky on the 2nd walk. orion's belt clearly visible. scarf around the face really helped.
just saw that Netflix unlimited is now 9 bucks a month. wow. that is pretty tempting.
chanukah is approaching. tonight was the preschool potluck. organized chaos. put a few tix into the raffle bags. we'll see tomorrow if i won anything. sunday is officially first night. jeremy and daniel and i will do something together. our traditional is a meal of just latkes. amazing how many pounds of potatoes one can eat topped with applesauce and sour cream. next weds my coworker marcy has invited me and charles our 91 yr old office volunteer to her mom's house. that will be a real trip. i've heard a lot of stories, but have only met a few of them.
tickets in the coat pocket: Jersey Boys from December 2006. Pippin (by Stephen Schwartz) at Foothill College, 2007 i think. Keep Not Silent, an israeli film about lesbians ...that was very powerful. hey, the date just changed on the calendar. cool.
i went to the "post office" at Leiter's Pharmacy today to mail a microwavable neck wrap to my father, a couple of cards. box to Pat goes tomorrow. almost forgot the swiss chocolate! i have a hard time there. that's the place that handles all of Hospice's prescriptions. and where Jeremy took all the leftover pills that were not narcotics. strange to be there.
almost ready to publish the LindAlphabet.
got from Jackie her words from May 18. a refined version. thx so much.
ok now i'm hearing the temperatures back east and in the midwest.
so we really are wimps.
last night there were weird things with the computer: caps lock that i couldn't get out of for a while.
ketzl got two walks tonight. once before dinner with Jeff and Razmik, Charlie and Christine (Merit Cafe, excellent vegetarian food with three vegan desserts!!), and once after. the boys gave ketzl a crinkly tunnel. we'll see if he likes it. then we went to their house to see the new upsidedown christmas tree. with lights. very interesting. looks good.
clear crisp starry sky on the 2nd walk. orion's belt clearly visible. scarf around the face really helped.
just saw that Netflix unlimited is now 9 bucks a month. wow. that is pretty tempting.
chanukah is approaching. tonight was the preschool potluck. organized chaos. put a few tix into the raffle bags. we'll see tomorrow if i won anything. sunday is officially first night. jeremy and daniel and i will do something together. our traditional is a meal of just latkes. amazing how many pounds of potatoes one can eat topped with applesauce and sour cream. next weds my coworker marcy has invited me and charles our 91 yr old office volunteer to her mom's house. that will be a real trip. i've heard a lot of stories, but have only met a few of them.
tickets in the coat pocket: Jersey Boys from December 2006. Pippin (by Stephen Schwartz) at Foothill College, 2007 i think. Keep Not Silent, an israeli film about lesbians ...that was very powerful. hey, the date just changed on the calendar. cool.
i went to the "post office" at Leiter's Pharmacy today to mail a microwavable neck wrap to my father, a couple of cards. box to Pat goes tomorrow. almost forgot the swiss chocolate! i have a hard time there. that's the place that handles all of Hospice's prescriptions. and where Jeremy took all the leftover pills that were not narcotics. strange to be there.
almost ready to publish the LindAlphabet.
got from Jackie her words from May 18. a refined version. thx so much.
ok now i'm hearing the temperatures back east and in the midwest.
so we really are wimps.
Monday, December 15, 2008
snow in northern california!! woo hoo!!
we're not used to it but it sure is pretty on tv.
2100 ft level on skyline blvd. wow. more on mt. hamilton. lots. 26 degrees now. more snow expected in the next day.
tonight i was more prepared when i got home, cuz i knew ketzl would want to go for a real walk. this time i wore my heavy coat and it was good ... temp was about 44 degrees at 8:30 pm. then as i was on the phone with my sister, and we were pretty far down the street toward mabury rd, it started to rain. we RAN home. because he is deaf, ketzl doesn't mind the hairdryer which was the most efficient way to get him dry. and fluffy.
eclectic is the adjective jackie used for my dinner: steamed red chard, with lemon and butter, peanut butter on toast, and now half a persimmon. yum. balanced. vitamins. protein. yum. chard always reminds me of the dinner linda and i shared and chard appeared on the bill. we said no one had chard. sent the bill back for recalculating. came back again. chard. what? turns out it was the chard-onnay i had to drink. ha ha.
tonight was the last night of group before the break. holiday time is varying forms of difficult for different people. we got a list of phone numbers. i think most people will return in january.
new things today: i will now have 3 written vehicles. this blog. "letters to linda." and i think i will add a personal journal. for some interior discussions, homework from group. also i have decided to break things down into really really small manageable chunks so piles etc. are not so overwhelming. off to do the left side of the kitchen counter.
bed heater is on. ketzl will come along i'm sure. good cat.
2100 ft level on skyline blvd. wow. more on mt. hamilton. lots. 26 degrees now. more snow expected in the next day.
tonight i was more prepared when i got home, cuz i knew ketzl would want to go for a real walk. this time i wore my heavy coat and it was good ... temp was about 44 degrees at 8:30 pm. then as i was on the phone with my sister, and we were pretty far down the street toward mabury rd, it started to rain. we RAN home. because he is deaf, ketzl doesn't mind the hairdryer which was the most efficient way to get him dry. and fluffy.
eclectic is the adjective jackie used for my dinner: steamed red chard, with lemon and butter, peanut butter on toast, and now half a persimmon. yum. balanced. vitamins. protein. yum. chard always reminds me of the dinner linda and i shared and chard appeared on the bill. we said no one had chard. sent the bill back for recalculating. came back again. chard. what? turns out it was the chard-onnay i had to drink. ha ha.
tonight was the last night of group before the break. holiday time is varying forms of difficult for different people. we got a list of phone numbers. i think most people will return in january.
new things today: i will now have 3 written vehicles. this blog. "letters to linda." and i think i will add a personal journal. for some interior discussions, homework from group. also i have decided to break things down into really really small manageable chunks so piles etc. are not so overwhelming. off to do the left side of the kitchen counter.
bed heater is on. ketzl will come along i'm sure. good cat.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
ur-mazing, i didn't get kicked off!
writing from Santa Monica on an old iMac with dialup modem. yeah, those things still exist.
and as i promised myself and Adam and Adam made me promise to Daniel etc etc
i went to the OCEAN THIS MORNING!!!! fabulous. wonderful smell. wonderful ozone. wonderful sounds. there was a slight drizzle but i had a hood. then later after the rain stopped, it got SO INCREDIBLY WINDY...phew. cold but more windy. so many palm fronds fell from the trees. all over sidewalks and streets. gonna need a major cleanup on monday, that's for sure.
today was a day like many other days. the year is slipping away.
breakfast, walk, nap, lunch, rest, TV, paper. Bea the yoga teacher came and when one of us is down (elinor or me) we take a class alongside. felt really nice. she is very sweet and really likes jack.
tissue alert maybe...
today is in fact december 13. 8 months have passed. that is two-thirds of a year. and i realize that there are days that pass when i don't cry. today is not one of them, however. how can it be, two-thirds of a year already? so much is still so recent. and so far away. that scares me too. not sure if i recorded here that i found linda's voice on the outgoing message on her cell phone which is now mine. that was really eerie but reassuring. note to everyone: make tapes. made videos. record sounds and sights like we didn't do. silly us. big mistake. get the history down in ways that others can read/hear/see it later. technology is available. use it. at the airport in sj i saw the acer microcomputer. that's probably what linda would have wanted to end up with. add that to the list of things i'm sorry i didn't push for between october and april.
according to the counter at the blog log-in, this is the 200th post. milestone. feels like i should celebrate or something but i'm not feeling very celebratory at the moment. linda f. made it through one year. she's always one step ahead of me. and now instead of linda, linda and deb, it will be linda, deb and deb going out to see Kinsey Sicks later this month. we all need some ridiculous hilarity, not to mention fabulous a cappella, in our lives.
good connections get reinforced. people do get better when they are ill or injured. friends stay by your side when you need them. that's the up-side. so for today, i will try to emphasize the positive and hope for clear skies tomorrow.
and as i promised myself and Adam and Adam made me promise to Daniel etc etc
i went to the OCEAN THIS MORNING!!!! fabulous. wonderful smell. wonderful ozone. wonderful sounds. there was a slight drizzle but i had a hood. then later after the rain stopped, it got SO INCREDIBLY WINDY...phew. cold but more windy. so many palm fronds fell from the trees. all over sidewalks and streets. gonna need a major cleanup on monday, that's for sure.
today was a day like many other days. the year is slipping away.
breakfast, walk, nap, lunch, rest, TV, paper. Bea the yoga teacher came and when one of us is down (elinor or me) we take a class alongside. felt really nice. she is very sweet and really likes jack.
tissue alert maybe...
today is in fact december 13. 8 months have passed. that is two-thirds of a year. and i realize that there are days that pass when i don't cry. today is not one of them, however. how can it be, two-thirds of a year already? so much is still so recent. and so far away. that scares me too. not sure if i recorded here that i found linda's voice on the outgoing message on her cell phone which is now mine. that was really eerie but reassuring. note to everyone: make tapes. made videos. record sounds and sights like we didn't do. silly us. big mistake. get the history down in ways that others can read/hear/see it later. technology is available. use it. at the airport in sj i saw the acer microcomputer. that's probably what linda would have wanted to end up with. add that to the list of things i'm sorry i didn't push for between october and april.
according to the counter at the blog log-in, this is the 200th post. milestone. feels like i should celebrate or something but i'm not feeling very celebratory at the moment. linda f. made it through one year. she's always one step ahead of me. and now instead of linda, linda and deb, it will be linda, deb and deb going out to see Kinsey Sicks later this month. we all need some ridiculous hilarity, not to mention fabulous a cappella, in our lives.
good connections get reinforced. people do get better when they are ill or injured. friends stay by your side when you need them. that's the up-side. so for today, i will try to emphasize the positive and hope for clear skies tomorrow.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
off to LA again
and this time I WILL GET TO THE OCEAN! elinor has not yet returned to enough health to be able to travel. and i already had my tickets.
i really miss red grapefruit. not supposed to have them while on my statin cholesterol drug. i think it only interferes. so i'm gonna have to get a grapefruit. juicy and yummy i hope.
tonight is garbage night and it is cold (yes i know, by california standards) out. fortunately there is not much to take out (as usual). i need to stop buying at the farmers markets. i don't eat enough to warrant keeping veggies in the house.
it was not too cold when i first got home so i took ketzl for a nice long walk. he really likes it out there.
tonight was the first smell of potato latkes being cooked in the temple kitchen for the sisterhood meeting. i could swear the scent lingered on my clothes and i smelled them when i got into my car. wow. sunday when i get home there is an early latke party at Fran's. first night of chanukah is Dec 21.
omg i'm watching private practice which is set in southern california. and there was just a scene with two doctors sitting on a bench on the promenade which is the park across the street (somewhere) from my father's condo on Ocean Avenue!! wow. like the last few seconds in "Knocked Up," which Linda saw immediately. then it was actually his building too.
ok off to finish packing and garbage and then to bed. i am trusting that the computer in LA won't let me post again. more on Sunday night.
i really miss red grapefruit. not supposed to have them while on my statin cholesterol drug. i think it only interferes. so i'm gonna have to get a grapefruit. juicy and yummy i hope.
tonight is garbage night and it is cold (yes i know, by california standards) out. fortunately there is not much to take out (as usual). i need to stop buying at the farmers markets. i don't eat enough to warrant keeping veggies in the house.
it was not too cold when i first got home so i took ketzl for a nice long walk. he really likes it out there.
tonight was the first smell of potato latkes being cooked in the temple kitchen for the sisterhood meeting. i could swear the scent lingered on my clothes and i smelled them when i got into my car. wow. sunday when i get home there is an early latke party at Fran's. first night of chanukah is Dec 21.
omg i'm watching private practice which is set in southern california. and there was just a scene with two doctors sitting on a bench on the promenade which is the park across the street (somewhere) from my father's condo on Ocean Avenue!! wow. like the last few seconds in "Knocked Up," which Linda saw immediately. then it was actually his building too.
ok off to finish packing and garbage and then to bed. i am trusting that the computer in LA won't let me post again. more on Sunday night.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
doubles and halves
i guess i could double the time i leave sheets on the bed if i slept first on one side, and then on the other. didn't happen this time. but i did change the sheets tonight. i know i use less than half the food, water, gas, electricity than when linda was alive. some things are doubled: we are on the same mailing lists and i need to get it reduced to one.
this afternoon i had lunch with Rabbi Leslie Alexander at the JCC. then i grabbed a short head, neck and shoulder massage in the lobby. that was really nice. several people said i looked more relaxed afterwards. remember to drink lots of water to flush the toxins out.
tonight i ate with the high school students (thanks, Paula and Suellen, for letting me eat with you). i realize that's why i don't eat real meals except when i go out with other people. it's just easier to grab something. that's why i got some protein powder for either morning or evening snacks. keep the protein up.
ketzl is still enjoying being outside. i'm not up to walking tonight cuz it is too brisk for me and i'm trying to protect my throat. so far i've done OK in fending off illness courtesy of echinacea and zinc and vitamin c. basic stuff.
still bogging down in papers. sometimes it is very discouraging. most times in fact.
for gift giving this year, i've decided to make donations to several important (to me) charities, which are really hurting this year. like the local food bank. FINCA (microfinance in africa and other places). Hospice of the Valley. then tell people what i've done and they can "choose" which was theirs. gas is $1.69 on the street. amazing. things are melting down all around us.
hopefully elinor and jeremy are better. last time we spoke they were not back to full strength, either of them.
flipping thru tv channels, i found "Jews: story of survival" and remember that "Lights!" a musical hanukkah show is on next. nice way to end an evening (and half a persimmon).
this afternoon i had lunch with Rabbi Leslie Alexander at the JCC. then i grabbed a short head, neck and shoulder massage in the lobby. that was really nice. several people said i looked more relaxed afterwards. remember to drink lots of water to flush the toxins out.
tonight i ate with the high school students (thanks, Paula and Suellen, for letting me eat with you). i realize that's why i don't eat real meals except when i go out with other people. it's just easier to grab something. that's why i got some protein powder for either morning or evening snacks. keep the protein up.
ketzl is still enjoying being outside. i'm not up to walking tonight cuz it is too brisk for me and i'm trying to protect my throat. so far i've done OK in fending off illness courtesy of echinacea and zinc and vitamin c. basic stuff.
still bogging down in papers. sometimes it is very discouraging. most times in fact.
for gift giving this year, i've decided to make donations to several important (to me) charities, which are really hurting this year. like the local food bank. FINCA (microfinance in africa and other places). Hospice of the Valley. then tell people what i've done and they can "choose" which was theirs. gas is $1.69 on the street. amazing. things are melting down all around us.
hopefully elinor and jeremy are better. last time we spoke they were not back to full strength, either of them.
flipping thru tv channels, i found "Jews: story of survival" and remember that "Lights!" a musical hanukkah show is on next. nice way to end an evening (and half a persimmon).
Sunday, December 7, 2008
milestones
nearing 200 entries on this blog. a week from saturday will be 8 months since Linda died. yikes. well, 8 months x 30 days = 240 possible days to write. i know there have been many days missing (it's OK) and some days with more than one (OK too).
on the plane back from LA i finished my first crossword puzzle in 7 months. ok, so it was the easy one in the inflight magazine. it still counts. on the way down, daniel and i did the puzzle on finding singers who have 5 letters in both names. on the way back i did other puzzles. flying with daniel is far better than flying alone, for many reasons.
i wore linda's favorite winter scarf: basically black with reddish/purplish paisley edges. it is nice and warm.
ketzl had a strawberry before bedtime tonite. cantaloupes are hard to come by these days. he has a funny tickle spot. if i scratch the back of his neck in a certain place, he does automatic licking of his chest. right now we're in bed (well i'm in, he's on top of the covers) and he wanted me to scratch him. now that i'm done with that, he's got his head on my knee and is settling down. what a cat!
tomorrow will be an early morning.
on the plane back from LA i finished my first crossword puzzle in 7 months. ok, so it was the easy one in the inflight magazine. it still counts. on the way down, daniel and i did the puzzle on finding singers who have 5 letters in both names. on the way back i did other puzzles. flying with daniel is far better than flying alone, for many reasons.
i wore linda's favorite winter scarf: basically black with reddish/purplish paisley edges. it is nice and warm.
ketzl had a strawberry before bedtime tonite. cantaloupes are hard to come by these days. he has a funny tickle spot. if i scratch the back of his neck in a certain place, he does automatic licking of his chest. right now we're in bed (well i'm in, he's on top of the covers) and he wanted me to scratch him. now that i'm done with that, he's got his head on my knee and is settling down. what a cat!
tomorrow will be an early morning.
strange and interesting things...
this morning i received the STRANGEST (not just strange) phone call. on the home phone, someone asking for Linda Klein. because she was listed as a contact for a high-rise building on Tisch. it was the fire department. i said she was a contact many years ago for security but not now. i tried *69 to see if i could find out who was calling, and it went to the fast busy, implying it's a blocked number. that made sense if it really was the fire department. then i called the alarm company that would have been the only connection i could figure, but they don't have any accounts on Tisch. really really really weird.
off to the farmers market. i think ketzl has enjoyed being out all morning as the only thing we did yesterday was the 11 PM walk. got up ridiculously early and picked Daniel up (then Noah's/Peet's) and to the airport to go to Santa Monica for my father's/his grandfather's 91st birthday. both elinor and jeremy are sick as dogs so no travel for them. the party was fun: mostly people in the building (who decided why wait for a birthday to get together, so they will be doing teas more often, which is nice), Bea Yoga, cousin Michal and her younger daughter Lula. it was nice and low key. yummy food. after people left, there was such an incredible sunset. we took a lot of pictures, even going out onto the deck. spectacular colors and clouds, reflecting off the water. really wonderful views. Anita baked 2 cinnamon breads from my mother's recipe. turned out great! there was still a lot of food left over. but the table looked nice and we brought down some new birthday decorations which was fun (including the banner on the front door of the apartment). it was very different from last year. there has been a very steep decline in verbal abilities. sad, disconcerting, awful. depends on what kinds of adjectives you want to throw at it.
so last weekend i bought the toaster oven and washing machine (which is in and working well). yesterday i ordered the recliner with lift assist. to be delivered thursday. all in all making things comfortable and functional. that's the goal.
tonight i'm going to a holiday party.
hope to get a lot done around here (papers, change the sheets, vacuum, etc.) before i leave. more on the strange phone call as information is obtained.
off to the farmers market. i think ketzl has enjoyed being out all morning as the only thing we did yesterday was the 11 PM walk. got up ridiculously early and picked Daniel up (then Noah's/Peet's) and to the airport to go to Santa Monica for my father's/his grandfather's 91st birthday. both elinor and jeremy are sick as dogs so no travel for them. the party was fun: mostly people in the building (who decided why wait for a birthday to get together, so they will be doing teas more often, which is nice), Bea Yoga, cousin Michal and her younger daughter Lula. it was nice and low key. yummy food. after people left, there was such an incredible sunset. we took a lot of pictures, even going out onto the deck. spectacular colors and clouds, reflecting off the water. really wonderful views. Anita baked 2 cinnamon breads from my mother's recipe. turned out great! there was still a lot of food left over. but the table looked nice and we brought down some new birthday decorations which was fun (including the banner on the front door of the apartment). it was very different from last year. there has been a very steep decline in verbal abilities. sad, disconcerting, awful. depends on what kinds of adjectives you want to throw at it.
so last weekend i bought the toaster oven and washing machine (which is in and working well). yesterday i ordered the recliner with lift assist. to be delivered thursday. all in all making things comfortable and functional. that's the goal.
tonight i'm going to a holiday party.
hope to get a lot done around here (papers, change the sheets, vacuum, etc.) before i leave. more on the strange phone call as information is obtained.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
it was a cold and foggy night
cold and foggy walk
i'm learning to be patient
ketzl sets the pace
and the cell phone saga gets raveled. its not the charger as i had thought. it must be the battery in my phone. but the batteries do not switch. so i'm charging the battery in what was linda's phone and then tomorrow i will switch the sim chip into the phone with the charged battery and it will become me. depending on whether or not my numbers were saved to the chip or the phone memory. it's all confusing. but makes the decision re phones less urgent.
ok so in california we are weenies. it was 46 degrees this morning and it was cold. glad my car has the heated seats, or as Adam and Livi call them, tush warmers.
it was almost a year since the sliding window above the shower was closed. i did it last night but had to stand on a stool to do it. something that was so easy for Linda, a foot taller than i am (or there abouts). she would close it to shower, open it to let fresh air in. i don't have that luxury. i'm not going to bring the stool in all the time. and i miss showering together, the do-si-do as we moved around each other to access shampoo etc on the back shelf. her head right up against the water coming out of the shower.
ketzl is in wildman mode. and the new tree is completely sturdy. rock solid. i totally recommend seventh heaven.
if you have not yet seen "Prop 8: The Musical" with Margaret Cho, John C. Reilly, Allison Janney, and more... it is really funny. here's what purports to be a link:
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/c0cf508ff8/prop-8-the-musical-starring-jack-black-john-c-reilly-and-many-more-from-fod-team-jack-black-craig-robinson-john-c-reilly-and-rashida-jones Funny or Die videos. it is a riot. goes to the heart of the matter. some day i will know how to actually put a real link in. or you can search for prop 8 the musical video on google. whatever.
the alphabet is coming along nicely. more submissions always welcome.
i'm learning to be patient
ketzl sets the pace
and the cell phone saga gets raveled. its not the charger as i had thought. it must be the battery in my phone. but the batteries do not switch. so i'm charging the battery in what was linda's phone and then tomorrow i will switch the sim chip into the phone with the charged battery and it will become me. depending on whether or not my numbers were saved to the chip or the phone memory. it's all confusing. but makes the decision re phones less urgent.
ok so in california we are weenies. it was 46 degrees this morning and it was cold. glad my car has the heated seats, or as Adam and Livi call them, tush warmers.
it was almost a year since the sliding window above the shower was closed. i did it last night but had to stand on a stool to do it. something that was so easy for Linda, a foot taller than i am (or there abouts). she would close it to shower, open it to let fresh air in. i don't have that luxury. i'm not going to bring the stool in all the time. and i miss showering together, the do-si-do as we moved around each other to access shampoo etc on the back shelf. her head right up against the water coming out of the shower.
ketzl is in wildman mode. and the new tree is completely sturdy. rock solid. i totally recommend seventh heaven.
if you have not yet seen "Prop 8: The Musical" with Margaret Cho, John C. Reilly, Allison Janney, and more... it is really funny. here's what purports to be a link:
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/c0cf508ff8/prop-8-the-musical-starring-jack-black-john-c-reilly-and-many-more-from-fod-team-jack-black-craig-robinson-john-c-reilly-and-rashida-jones Funny or Die videos. it is a riot. goes to the heart of the matter. some day i will know how to actually put a real link in. or you can search for prop 8 the musical video on google. whatever.
the alphabet is coming along nicely. more submissions always welcome.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
ketzl doesn't mind the cold, and other tuesday musings
i was gone all day so when i got home and ketzl wanted to go for a "walk," i decided i felt guilty enough to take him out. i tried doing a zen walk...really letting him set the pace and location. if he wanted to stop, i would stop. it worked. mostly. but it was cold (for NoCalif) out and even tho i had my heavy (for NoCalif) coat on, my nose was cold. after about half an hour, we came home and he got his tuna and red pepper for dinner.
the play tonight, "Around the World in 80 Days" at the SJ Rep was totally delightful. well paced, pretty physical, excellent timing, great camaraderie among the 5 cast members. a lot of fun. the nice thing about going to the theater and being totally entertained. it was temple night at the theater...i saw at least 10 people i know.
the LindAlphabet is coming along nicely. when the computer kept crashing, i did some work here on the laptop to combine what i had so far. how could i forget a few letters tho??? like A for airflow (queen of). J for jazz. B for Brazilian music.
got an email about the Hanukkah special on PBS called "Lights" (playing on Weds Dec 10 here in Northern California at 7:30 and 10:30 PM)...produced by Craig Taubman. lots of great entertainment. check your local PBS calendar for when it will be playing in your area.
getting things straightened out with the phones. i hope i can find a recharger soon. and a small hdtv for the bedroom to replace the 5 inch one on the armoire. still so many details.
the play tonight, "Around the World in 80 Days" at the SJ Rep was totally delightful. well paced, pretty physical, excellent timing, great camaraderie among the 5 cast members. a lot of fun. the nice thing about going to the theater and being totally entertained. it was temple night at the theater...i saw at least 10 people i know.
the LindAlphabet is coming along nicely. when the computer kept crashing, i did some work here on the laptop to combine what i had so far. how could i forget a few letters tho??? like A for airflow (queen of). J for jazz. B for Brazilian music.
got an email about the Hanukkah special on PBS called "Lights" (playing on Weds Dec 10 here in Northern California at 7:30 and 10:30 PM)...produced by Craig Taubman. lots of great entertainment. check your local PBS calendar for when it will be playing in your area.
getting things straightened out with the phones. i hope i can find a recharger soon. and a small hdtv for the bedroom to replace the 5 inch one on the armoire. still so many details.
Monday, December 1, 2008
thanksgiving 2007 recap
when in santa monica, Adam remembered fondly last year's thanksgiving. herewith an excerpt from Linda's blog 11/28/07:
One of the main accomplishments was the building of a shed in the back yard...on a cement pad that was designed for a shed. Got the largest that would fit comfortably (4x6) and it is holding Adam's things, some of which he had brought up earlier, and a lot from this trip (papers, books, things that need a temporary home)....
Thanksgiving dinner was yummy. Linda made the turkey, David did most of the side dishes. Daniel and Jeremy (my 2 sons) came for dinner and we all chowed down. There are leftovers. Of course.
Nath Brophy came over (was it Thursday night? or Friday?) with a delicious cranberry pear pie that she had made. Really tasty. We want the recipe. Undersweetened, as promised and wonderful. We hope she made it back home in time to drive to the airport for a long weekend in Manhattan. It was pretty close timing.
Livi flew up yesterday morning. Brought fabulous bagels with. Daphne our arborist came to do the first dormant spray and ate a full turkey plate before working. Her timing was just right, and she took home some pie and coffeecake.
wow, Adam. good memory. good memories too. i had no clue. it's been a long year.
one drawback of not being with family for the holiday is that i/we missed out on sharing together a memory of Linda, maybe especially for the holiday, maybe more generic. i wonder if anyone else did that. if i were to have said something, it would be something like this: i remember how much Linda loved to cook and share meals with family and friends. i remember the first thanksgiving at the house on Tamiami Trail in Akron, just the two of us, my first introduction to the family's traditional cranberry relish. family was so important to Linda. may we celebrate Linda by continuing to cherish family, whether connected by blood or by choice.
tonight at the group Vicki (the facilitator) distributed a few handouts. one was things we will always want to remember and other things we need to remember to forget. important to know. next week i will bring the photo of Linda that i keep at my desk (purple frame, big smile) and the handout from the memorial service to share.
and two small readings, one of which i share here:
We walk innocently into our griefs, and they carry us wherever we have to go in order to learn, to find meaning, to reach some kind of peaceful acceptance. We cannot control them; we ride them like a runaway horse. Our job is to stay on until the horse calms down and we are allowed to talk awhile, to retake the reins. (Christina Baldwin, One to One, 1991.)
unfortunately, the cloud cover tonight made it impossible to see the lovely closeness of the crescent moon, Venus and Jupiter in the early evening sky. thanks Jay for pointing me to the information. maybe tomorrow.
One of the main accomplishments was the building of a shed in the back yard...on a cement pad that was designed for a shed. Got the largest that would fit comfortably (4x6) and it is holding Adam's things, some of which he had brought up earlier, and a lot from this trip (papers, books, things that need a temporary home)....
Thanksgiving dinner was yummy. Linda made the turkey, David did most of the side dishes. Daniel and Jeremy (my 2 sons) came for dinner and we all chowed down. There are leftovers. Of course.
Nath Brophy came over (was it Thursday night? or Friday?) with a delicious cranberry pear pie that she had made. Really tasty. We want the recipe. Undersweetened, as promised and wonderful. We hope she made it back home in time to drive to the airport for a long weekend in Manhattan. It was pretty close timing.
Livi flew up yesterday morning. Brought fabulous bagels with. Daphne our arborist came to do the first dormant spray and ate a full turkey plate before working. Her timing was just right, and she took home some pie and coffeecake.
wow, Adam. good memory. good memories too. i had no clue. it's been a long year.
one drawback of not being with family for the holiday is that i/we missed out on sharing together a memory of Linda, maybe especially for the holiday, maybe more generic. i wonder if anyone else did that. if i were to have said something, it would be something like this: i remember how much Linda loved to cook and share meals with family and friends. i remember the first thanksgiving at the house on Tamiami Trail in Akron, just the two of us, my first introduction to the family's traditional cranberry relish. family was so important to Linda. may we celebrate Linda by continuing to cherish family, whether connected by blood or by choice.
tonight at the group Vicki (the facilitator) distributed a few handouts. one was things we will always want to remember and other things we need to remember to forget. important to know. next week i will bring the photo of Linda that i keep at my desk (purple frame, big smile) and the handout from the memorial service to share.
and two small readings, one of which i share here:
We walk innocently into our griefs, and they carry us wherever we have to go in order to learn, to find meaning, to reach some kind of peaceful acceptance. We cannot control them; we ride them like a runaway horse. Our job is to stay on until the horse calms down and we are allowed to talk awhile, to retake the reins. (Christina Baldwin, One to One, 1991.)
unfortunately, the cloud cover tonight made it impossible to see the lovely closeness of the crescent moon, Venus and Jupiter in the early evening sky. thanks Jay for pointing me to the information. maybe tomorrow.
a monday of hope
i am watching President-Elect Obama introducing his national security team on television this morning. not only did we hear the correct pronunciation of nuclear for the first time in a while, but the breadth of experience and wonderful seriousness of all his nominees also impressed me. while we are in pretty scary times, i am so happy to be reassured on a regular basis that we are moving forward.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
looking at the moon tonight
when i took ketzl for his walk
there was still some color in the sky
and the tips of the crescent moon (waxing, i was told cuz the curve is like the D) were pointing to two planets: Venus and Saturn? maybe someone out there knows.
it is a special time, pondering the movement in space of things so far away, looking so close.
dinner tonight with razmik and christine and charlie was fun. after we went back to razmik's house for tea and dessert and to play with the dogs. jeff comes home tomorrow. he is missed.
i snuck into the house (a deaf cat doesn't hear me or the alarm going off as i open the front door) and ketzl is still sleeping in the front window. i wonder how long it will take until he figures out i'm back home.
there was still some color in the sky
and the tips of the crescent moon (waxing, i was told cuz the curve is like the D) were pointing to two planets: Venus and Saturn? maybe someone out there knows.
it is a special time, pondering the movement in space of things so far away, looking so close.
dinner tonight with razmik and christine and charlie was fun. after we went back to razmik's house for tea and dessert and to play with the dogs. jeff comes home tomorrow. he is missed.
i snuck into the house (a deaf cat doesn't hear me or the alarm going off as i open the front door) and ketzl is still sleeping in the front window. i wonder how long it will take until he figures out i'm back home.
there is a fatal flaw that inhabits my father's ancient computer.
every time i try to log on to my blog, the entire internet connection shuts down. repeatedly. and again.
so that's how it got from Tues to Saturday nite without a blog entry.
weds nite was a totally wonderful dinner Chez Nath and Darren, where Jackie and i were treated to a parade of yummy dishes (miso soup, pot stickers, grilled salmon with black and white sesame seeds, sauteed choy sum and dessert with a side of fresh cranberry sauce, a fabulous segue to the thanksgiving weekend. more than the dinner (well almost) was discovering that we are both (Jackie and I) persona most grata with HuNu (as in who knew, i think) the sweetest tiny female resident feline. she did not run away, she stayed and rubbed. it was wonderful and we were duly flattered.
so this is the 3rd night of me here. things are noticeably slower in all areas, physical as well as mental for my father. it is pretty difficult to watch.
thanksgiving day included traditional foods. friday was out on a few errands, to lunch (yummy japanese) with Loren and Jack, and a drive around (Loren is very knowledgeable) and then in the early evening, Inga came for a visit. it had been a long time, and there was a stockpile of things to give her. wow the difference in longitude makes such a difference. by 5 PM it is totally dark here. earlier than San Jose, but who knows.
saturday (today) was a trip to Sears to purchase a new washing machine (to be delivered Tuesday) and a new toaster oven. it gets a lot of use (baking something almost every day: yams, fish, toast). it was successful and i am happy. about 3 PM Bea Yoga and Adam and Livi arrived. we left Jack to his yoga and went for a walk down the 3rd street promenade, complete with a selection of street artists, musicians, a guy (like the Peking acrobats) tossing bowls up to the top of his head. it was a good walk. adam reminded me (good thing he had clear recollection) of last year's thanksgiving. it really was Linda's favorite holiday. we cooked a lot of food. everyone was there. david and julia made a trip to the mac store, adam recalled. Daphne came and Linda fixed her a big thanksgiving plate. why was she trimming in November, i wonder.... Nath came with pies late at night. a lot of food was consumed, a house full of people. we had done the week in barcelona and then London at the end of October. including the great trip to Wimbledon.
did not in 3 days make it to the beach. well to be honest it was only 2 real days.
there is time next week.
we will all (northern california us) be down next Saturday for Jack's 91st birthday, plans for which are incomplete at best, fuzzy, maybe murky. to be discussed later.
but unless i get up at 6AM, i think the ocean trip will have to wait.
i need to get rid of the dark polish and trim my toenails. they are just too bright and un-me. and the nails are much longer than i'd like to keep them.
ah well. it was my 2nd pedicure ever. next time i'll go with more neutral polish if at all.
so off to sleep. tomorrow will be an early morning as i need to leave about 9:30 AM.
that was written Saturday night.
it is now Sunday evening, and i was home for a while and then went walking in Santana Row with Razmik and Scooter, a cute little dog who is a total magnet for kids, adults and other dogs. fun. dinner planned later with Razmik, Christine and Charlie and maybe Nath and Darren. but for now, Ketzl wants a walk.
every time i try to log on to my blog, the entire internet connection shuts down. repeatedly. and again.
so that's how it got from Tues to Saturday nite without a blog entry.
weds nite was a totally wonderful dinner Chez Nath and Darren, where Jackie and i were treated to a parade of yummy dishes (miso soup, pot stickers, grilled salmon with black and white sesame seeds, sauteed choy sum and dessert with a side of fresh cranberry sauce, a fabulous segue to the thanksgiving weekend. more than the dinner (well almost) was discovering that we are both (Jackie and I) persona most grata with HuNu (as in who knew, i think) the sweetest tiny female resident feline. she did not run away, she stayed and rubbed. it was wonderful and we were duly flattered.
so this is the 3rd night of me here. things are noticeably slower in all areas, physical as well as mental for my father. it is pretty difficult to watch.
thanksgiving day included traditional foods. friday was out on a few errands, to lunch (yummy japanese) with Loren and Jack, and a drive around (Loren is very knowledgeable) and then in the early evening, Inga came for a visit. it had been a long time, and there was a stockpile of things to give her. wow the difference in longitude makes such a difference. by 5 PM it is totally dark here. earlier than San Jose, but who knows.
saturday (today) was a trip to Sears to purchase a new washing machine (to be delivered Tuesday) and a new toaster oven. it gets a lot of use (baking something almost every day: yams, fish, toast). it was successful and i am happy. about 3 PM Bea Yoga and Adam and Livi arrived. we left Jack to his yoga and went for a walk down the 3rd street promenade, complete with a selection of street artists, musicians, a guy (like the Peking acrobats) tossing bowls up to the top of his head. it was a good walk. adam reminded me (good thing he had clear recollection) of last year's thanksgiving. it really was Linda's favorite holiday. we cooked a lot of food. everyone was there. david and julia made a trip to the mac store, adam recalled. Daphne came and Linda fixed her a big thanksgiving plate. why was she trimming in November, i wonder.... Nath came with pies late at night. a lot of food was consumed, a house full of people. we had done the week in barcelona and then London at the end of October. including the great trip to Wimbledon.
did not in 3 days make it to the beach. well to be honest it was only 2 real days.
there is time next week.
we will all (northern california us) be down next Saturday for Jack's 91st birthday, plans for which are incomplete at best, fuzzy, maybe murky. to be discussed later.
but unless i get up at 6AM, i think the ocean trip will have to wait.
i need to get rid of the dark polish and trim my toenails. they are just too bright and un-me. and the nails are much longer than i'd like to keep them.
ah well. it was my 2nd pedicure ever. next time i'll go with more neutral polish if at all.
so off to sleep. tomorrow will be an early morning as i need to leave about 9:30 AM.
that was written Saturday night.
it is now Sunday evening, and i was home for a while and then went walking in Santana Row with Razmik and Scooter, a cute little dog who is a total magnet for kids, adults and other dogs. fun. dinner planned later with Razmik, Christine and Charlie and maybe Nath and Darren. but for now, Ketzl wants a walk.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
MILK the movie
what a contrast
from the play "Execution of Justice" from a variety of perspectives
to the movie, a cutting between scenes and narration by Milk into a small tape recorder. thx to Marci for the pass. the theater was not completely full for the preview tonite at Camera 12. the movie is well done. starts with b/w footage from years before, with arrests (Stonewall? LA, etc) to Milk's move to San Francisco, looking very much the hippie. Sean Penn does a really good job of capturing Milk's energy. the marches and big rallies were impressive. in the beginning, Milk knew that the people needed to go somewhere and he asked the police to grant him permission to lead a march to city hall (otherwise with so many people hanging around without a purpose, violence could have ensued). amazingly, Reagan was opposed to Prop 6 (similar to our Prop 8), along with Mayor Moscone. it was eerie how many similarities there were, 30 years later. Milk was brilliant and the movie is very effective. i totally recommend it. just found out that Dianne Feinstein gave an interview (only the 2nd) since Moscone and Milk were killed. it is available on abc7.com or something.
and....
people have holiday lights out already
and retailers are falling all over themselves to be the earliest opening on Friday morning. the season is in full swing.
this afternoon i picked Meeka up from the airport, after she flew home from LA. the airport will always be an evocative place for me. so many trips that first year before Linda moved to California. and then the next 8 years: LA, NY, Europe, Hawaii, FL, Vancouver...lots of time at SJC. at dinner last night, one of the topics was how difficult flying alone is. i think my trip home from Germany in September was one of the longest ever ever.
and yet, there are connections in the real time present, which give me strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other. it's all about the journey.
with wishes for a happy thanksgiving. it was one of Linda's favorite holidays, whether with her family in NY, or Florida after grandparents moved there, or in her home in Ohio where it was an open house for all of Adam's and David's friends. here in california we would share the holiday at the home of friends or invite people here. may we all give thanks this year for our blessings, and for having had Linda in our lives as well. enjoy your turkey breast and crispy skin, the cranberry relish, the dressing, and of course marshmallows on your yams. :~)
from the play "Execution of Justice" from a variety of perspectives
to the movie, a cutting between scenes and narration by Milk into a small tape recorder. thx to Marci for the pass. the theater was not completely full for the preview tonite at Camera 12. the movie is well done. starts with b/w footage from years before, with arrests (Stonewall? LA, etc) to Milk's move to San Francisco, looking very much the hippie. Sean Penn does a really good job of capturing Milk's energy. the marches and big rallies were impressive. in the beginning, Milk knew that the people needed to go somewhere and he asked the police to grant him permission to lead a march to city hall (otherwise with so many people hanging around without a purpose, violence could have ensued). amazingly, Reagan was opposed to Prop 6 (similar to our Prop 8), along with Mayor Moscone. it was eerie how many similarities there were, 30 years later. Milk was brilliant and the movie is very effective. i totally recommend it. just found out that Dianne Feinstein gave an interview (only the 2nd) since Moscone and Milk were killed. it is available on abc7.com or something.
and....
people have holiday lights out already
and retailers are falling all over themselves to be the earliest opening on Friday morning. the season is in full swing.
this afternoon i picked Meeka up from the airport, after she flew home from LA. the airport will always be an evocative place for me. so many trips that first year before Linda moved to California. and then the next 8 years: LA, NY, Europe, Hawaii, FL, Vancouver...lots of time at SJC. at dinner last night, one of the topics was how difficult flying alone is. i think my trip home from Germany in September was one of the longest ever ever.
and yet, there are connections in the real time present, which give me strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other. it's all about the journey.
with wishes for a happy thanksgiving. it was one of Linda's favorite holidays, whether with her family in NY, or Florida after grandparents moved there, or in her home in Ohio where it was an open house for all of Adam's and David's friends. here in california we would share the holiday at the home of friends or invite people here. may we all give thanks this year for our blessings, and for having had Linda in our lives as well. enjoy your turkey breast and crispy skin, the cranberry relish, the dressing, and of course marshmallows on your yams. :~)
Monday, November 24, 2008
short week begins
tonite i hope i didn't violate any rules. i had dinner with one of the men from the partner loss support group. we didn't have a meeting today for thanksgiving week. to the new regular, tee nee thai. it was pleasant, a good idea he said. and i have leftover sticky rice with mango for breakfast. how perfect.
Elinor is back east. tomorrow is a travel day for her, bus and train eventually from NH to NJ. cold back there for a california girl.
so much to do. laundry, dishes, papers. bills. lists. the Linda/alphabet. homework from the attorney.
not having the heat on cuz it has been so warm has good outcome: two months PG&E is less than $80. less heat. less hot water. less computer usage, less electricity overall. everything is less. cat is more. he's really liking his walks. sniffs a lot but sometimes actually gets the concept.
Elinor is back east. tomorrow is a travel day for her, bus and train eventually from NH to NJ. cold back there for a california girl.
so much to do. laundry, dishes, papers. bills. lists. the Linda/alphabet. homework from the attorney.
not having the heat on cuz it has been so warm has good outcome: two months PG&E is less than $80. less heat. less hot water. less computer usage, less electricity overall. everything is less. cat is more. he's really liking his walks. sniffs a lot but sometimes actually gets the concept.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
weekend, it's a wrap
sunday night
think i figured out how to re-set the timer on the outside lights. good.
yesterday was a fun day. jeremy drove to scruz and we picked up the new very sturdy cat tree. ketzl was on it directly, almost before the two halves (easier for transport) were attached. it's a bit more vertical (and taller) so he needs to learn new ways of getting up there. watched a squirrel from the middle tray. the guy was really nice, makes them by hand; semi-retired but still does them. let me know if anyone needs a really solid piece of cat furniture.
then there was the requisite walk in downtown santa cruz, a stop in Stephan's jewelers for old times sake (from whence the blue/green opal ring came), then sushi at Pink Godzilla, a visit with a friend of jeremy's from Barefoot, insiders tour of Verve coffee (next door to sushi!) and then a stop at the supply place to get two espresso and 2 cappuccino cups, a tamp, spoons. jeremy will now drink his coffee at work in real cups and one day a week will give instruction for those who want to learn how to pull a decent espresso.
on the way home jeremy updated me on his friends from UCSC and high school, the ones i know. then when we got home, he assembled the tree. now i need to take the old one apart (made of pressboard, not real wood, and cardboard tubes covered with sisal -- not the kind of material for such as ketzl). it has so many shims, supports and props...but it served pretty well for 3+ years. i guess it's my guilt coming out; ketzl is deprived of me during the day -- he might as well have a decent tree. now he does. platinum level. solid as a rock and heavy.
i am wearing tonight something that i probably will never give away: the really large purple polar fleece YAHOO! top that was given to us by Razmik in his yahoo bling days. it is warm and snuggly and huge on me. and i don't care.
the closet is interesting...one more section of my blouses but still full of sweaters and shoes of Linda's. there is comfort in that.
go badgers! go buckeyes! go bears! 3 nice football wins yesterday. (sorry stanford)
ok time to think about dinner and getting ready for the coming short week.
think i figured out how to re-set the timer on the outside lights. good.
yesterday was a fun day. jeremy drove to scruz and we picked up the new very sturdy cat tree. ketzl was on it directly, almost before the two halves (easier for transport) were attached. it's a bit more vertical (and taller) so he needs to learn new ways of getting up there. watched a squirrel from the middle tray. the guy was really nice, makes them by hand; semi-retired but still does them. let me know if anyone needs a really solid piece of cat furniture.
then there was the requisite walk in downtown santa cruz, a stop in Stephan's jewelers for old times sake (from whence the blue/green opal ring came), then sushi at Pink Godzilla, a visit with a friend of jeremy's from Barefoot, insiders tour of Verve coffee (next door to sushi!) and then a stop at the supply place to get two espresso and 2 cappuccino cups, a tamp, spoons. jeremy will now drink his coffee at work in real cups and one day a week will give instruction for those who want to learn how to pull a decent espresso.
on the way home jeremy updated me on his friends from UCSC and high school, the ones i know. then when we got home, he assembled the tree. now i need to take the old one apart (made of pressboard, not real wood, and cardboard tubes covered with sisal -- not the kind of material for such as ketzl). it has so many shims, supports and props...but it served pretty well for 3+ years. i guess it's my guilt coming out; ketzl is deprived of me during the day -- he might as well have a decent tree. now he does. platinum level. solid as a rock and heavy.
i am wearing tonight something that i probably will never give away: the really large purple polar fleece YAHOO! top that was given to us by Razmik in his yahoo bling days. it is warm and snuggly and huge on me. and i don't care.
the closet is interesting...one more section of my blouses but still full of sweaters and shoes of Linda's. there is comfort in that.
go badgers! go buckeyes! go bears! 3 nice football wins yesterday. (sorry stanford)
ok time to think about dinner and getting ready for the coming short week.
Friday, November 21, 2008
and in the morning there is light
when i got back from the walk this morning, the rays of light coming through the prism attached to the glass door in the family room were playing on the corner of the laptop sitting on the couch. good morning, sweetie. thanks for the morning rainbow. :-)
ketzl just came in from the backyard and with the door having been opened and closed, now the rainbows are bouncing all around the room.
ketzl just came in from the backyard and with the door having been opened and closed, now the rainbows are bouncing all around the room.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
we aren't all alone in the dark
that was the closing line of Grey's Anatomy tonight.
when Denny came back to Izzie. not exactly uplifting fare.
garbage night included bringing through the house the barrel of vines i trimmed last saturday talking on the cell phone in the backyard. didn't drop a one. it worked well because ketzl was outside. later he was running through the house again, and spotted a cat just outside the sliding glass door. big fluffy ketzl. hissing and spitting and pawing the glass. i stay away at those times, even when i'm wearing jeans. i still remember the time he bit me, but that was when he saw a raccoon.
elinor is getting ready to go back east for 9 days. i'm looking into different facilities up here for our dear sweet father to consider. well, for us to consider. there's a part of him that wants to be closer to us. but a move would be difficult in other ways. back to the mantra we had when considering bringing both parents up: if it were any easy decision, we would have made it already. still holds.
finishing the other half of the italian wedding soup. turned on the bed heater aka an electric mattress pad. makes it just a bit easier to get into bed, almost alone in the dark.
friends are so important.
when Denny came back to Izzie. not exactly uplifting fare.
garbage night included bringing through the house the barrel of vines i trimmed last saturday talking on the cell phone in the backyard. didn't drop a one. it worked well because ketzl was outside. later he was running through the house again, and spotted a cat just outside the sliding glass door. big fluffy ketzl. hissing and spitting and pawing the glass. i stay away at those times, even when i'm wearing jeans. i still remember the time he bit me, but that was when he saw a raccoon.
elinor is getting ready to go back east for 9 days. i'm looking into different facilities up here for our dear sweet father to consider. well, for us to consider. there's a part of him that wants to be closer to us. but a move would be difficult in other ways. back to the mantra we had when considering bringing both parents up: if it were any easy decision, we would have made it already. still holds.
finishing the other half of the italian wedding soup. turned on the bed heater aka an electric mattress pad. makes it just a bit easier to get into bed, almost alone in the dark.
friends are so important.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
one never knows...
when something will set one on a weepy moment.
this morning on the way in i was listening to Red Hot by Divisi, the women's acappella group from Univ of Oregon (featuring Lisa Forkish, daughter of Tim's first boss in the south bay)...and the last song on the cd has the words "you will always be my baby." and it just hit me. and here i thought there were days passing when i didn't cry. well, they may have happened, but today was not one of them.
gas was $2.13 tonight at costco. pretty good until i saw $2.11 at valero on the way home. but i get 3% cash back on my costco gas purchase. 3% of $4 is more than 3% of $2.13 but it's all good. i won't be purchasing much stuff at costco after this year anyway. like the 5300 Q-tips. that's a really big supply for me. anyone need some Q-tips? i'm happy to share.
so the Calif Supreme Court will hear the petitions about Prop 8. ironic that Jerry Brown as the state Atty General has to argue the side of the passage of the totally wrong headed proposition. a huge slew of documents is available online via the courage campaign website. lots and lots of pages. just heard on TV that the case will be heard after March.
the dow-jones is down 40% for the year. holy cow. below 8000 today. well i guess that's the other side of $2.13/gallon gas.
i'm ordering a new custom cat tree. no glue. real wood. designed for big cats. i think he deserves it.
i need sleep. don't we all?
this morning on the way in i was listening to Red Hot by Divisi, the women's acappella group from Univ of Oregon (featuring Lisa Forkish, daughter of Tim's first boss in the south bay)...and the last song on the cd has the words "you will always be my baby." and it just hit me. and here i thought there were days passing when i didn't cry. well, they may have happened, but today was not one of them.
gas was $2.13 tonight at costco. pretty good until i saw $2.11 at valero on the way home. but i get 3% cash back on my costco gas purchase. 3% of $4 is more than 3% of $2.13 but it's all good. i won't be purchasing much stuff at costco after this year anyway. like the 5300 Q-tips. that's a really big supply for me. anyone need some Q-tips? i'm happy to share.
so the Calif Supreme Court will hear the petitions about Prop 8. ironic that Jerry Brown as the state Atty General has to argue the side of the passage of the totally wrong headed proposition. a huge slew of documents is available online via the courage campaign website. lots and lots of pages. just heard on TV that the case will be heard after March.
the dow-jones is down 40% for the year. holy cow. below 8000 today. well i guess that's the other side of $2.13/gallon gas.
i'm ordering a new custom cat tree. no glue. real wood. designed for big cats. i think he deserves it.
i need sleep. don't we all?
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
alphabet and more
Fran added C is for Camp Owaissa (where they met)
David added U is for University of Akron
and there are L is for laugh in addition to S is for smile and souvenir. Adam added E is for eggs (scrambled well in butter), T is for Tamiami Trail (the street in Akron where they lived), M is for Masters in Taxation, S is for Scrabble and R for Rummikub. what about G is for grammarian? keep them coming.
There is no group next Monday. Thanksgiving vacation. Plans call for me flying to LA on Thursday for 3 nights. It will be nice to be leisurely so I can spend some time on my own instead of feeling tied to the apartment.
Huzzah!! I am started on the process of having a trust/will/financial plan created. First meeting with the very nice attorney who is working with Elinor. She is a former sociology professor before law school, and is an expert on the politics of the religious right in America. wow. i borrowed a copy of one of her four books.
check out Wanda Sykes on Prop 8 from the Ellen DeGeneres show:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5M3iS2O0Es
i'm seriously thinking about getting a custom cat tree for Ketzl, who is meowing in the background, wanting to go out at night but he won't any more tonite. there is a custom outfit and it would be real wood, no glue and sturdy. now the flimsy ones we got when he was little sport extra posts held together with bungee cords, propped with boxes, shims, etc. i feel as though he needs extra stuff cuz i am gone all day. now he is playing in the paper in a large packing box. more meowing. ketzl got into a bit of a tussle in the grass outside this morning. good thing i had the door open so i was able to react quickly when i heard the yowls. nice tricolor long hair was the adversary who ran away quickly. it was a heated exchange.
livi texted that there was snow in DC today. we are both such Calif. girls. i called as she was dressing to go see the Israeli Philharmonic and she said the snow lasted all of 5 minutes. hey, flakes is flakes. ok, flakes are flakes. shelley says it is cold and wet and also snow. but they are used to it in ohio. tomorrow's highs in the high 60's. it is California, after all. we will put up with chilly mornings and evenings.
David added U is for University of Akron
and there are L is for laugh in addition to S is for smile and souvenir. Adam added E is for eggs (scrambled well in butter), T is for Tamiami Trail (the street in Akron where they lived), M is for Masters in Taxation, S is for Scrabble and R for Rummikub. what about G is for grammarian? keep them coming.
There is no group next Monday. Thanksgiving vacation. Plans call for me flying to LA on Thursday for 3 nights. It will be nice to be leisurely so I can spend some time on my own instead of feeling tied to the apartment.
Huzzah!! I am started on the process of having a trust/will/financial plan created. First meeting with the very nice attorney who is working with Elinor. She is a former sociology professor before law school, and is an expert on the politics of the religious right in America. wow. i borrowed a copy of one of her four books.
check out Wanda Sykes on Prop 8 from the Ellen DeGeneres show:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5M3iS2O0Es
i'm seriously thinking about getting a custom cat tree for Ketzl, who is meowing in the background, wanting to go out at night but he won't any more tonite. there is a custom outfit and it would be real wood, no glue and sturdy. now the flimsy ones we got when he was little sport extra posts held together with bungee cords, propped with boxes, shims, etc. i feel as though he needs extra stuff cuz i am gone all day. now he is playing in the paper in a large packing box. more meowing. ketzl got into a bit of a tussle in the grass outside this morning. good thing i had the door open so i was able to react quickly when i heard the yowls. nice tricolor long hair was the adversary who ran away quickly. it was a heated exchange.
livi texted that there was snow in DC today. we are both such Calif. girls. i called as she was dressing to go see the Israeli Philharmonic and she said the snow lasted all of 5 minutes. hey, flakes is flakes. ok, flakes are flakes. shelley says it is cold and wet and also snow. but they are used to it in ohio. tomorrow's highs in the high 60's. it is California, after all. we will put up with chilly mornings and evenings.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
the alphabet is coming along nicely...
Adam added Z is for Zip, which is what students at Univ of Akron are. not sure what a Zip is. though i do recall that Zippy won the national mascot competition recently. so it will be ready for publication soon. keep the suggestions coming. multiple entries per letter still welcome.
thank you Charlie for reattaching the cover for the cold air return. he can reach the screws while standing on the floor. omg. something that would not ever have occurred to me. like when Adam replaced the lamps in the bathroom and took down the fixture while standing. me, i climb up on the counter. ah well.
as a result of the large clean out done by elinor and audrey, the larder is pretty empty. i was looking for a chicken sausage. not in freezer. too bad. i was looking forward to sausage and red cabbage. so i had half a can of italian wedding soup, which was one of Linda's favorites. i think i'll supplement it with a piece of toast and jelly. still not eating a lot.
ketzl spent a good deal of time outside in a box in the sunshine. i trimmed a lot of vines while talking on the phone (free weekend minutes). he's out for a nighttime romp. we had a nice walk this afternoon. he actually "got" what a walk is about, for a short time.
i still can't figure out how to turn off the alarm on the phone base in the bedroom. and when i think i've changed the time of the alarm, it still reverts to just before 7 AM. i think. i'll keep at it.
tissue alert maybe
so i figured out that i'm not crying every day. or maybe i am and just not realizing it. it hit me on thursday: November 13. 7 months. somehow that hit me much more than 6 months in October. i guess because 7 months is the beginning of the 2nd half of the first year. yargh. that feels really strange. that in less than 5 months, i will be saying it has been one year...ok ok ok don't rush it. not there yet. but somehow being on the 2nd half really hit me.
from the back cover of "Letting Go With Love: The Grieving Process," by Nancy O'Connor. the words are in the shape of a butterfly, which is partly what attracted me to the book. "Life and grief go hand in hand. The process of grieving is the way we release old ways of thinking and feeling to make room for new ones. Endings and beginnings: birth and death, starts and finishes: these are the unavoidable rhythms and cycles that make life a totally dynamic ever-changing process."
i'll bring these books back to group tomorrow and get new ones. the alphabet one has a good premise. each letter has something and then ends with an affirmation: i can, or i will. a lot of it is about accepting help from others. i do my best.
elinor was in LA this weekend. she said the smoke was really bad. not a good time to go out for a walk.
daph and kevin went to the SF rally yesterday and said it was amazing.
Garrison Keillor's article from Nov 12...
Be happy, dear hearts, and allow yourselves a few more weeks of quiet exultation. It isn't gloating, it's satisfaction at a job well done. He was a superb candidate, serious, professorial but with a flashing grin and a buoyancy that comes from working out in the gym every morning. He spoke in a genuine voice, not senatorial at all. He relished campaigning. He accepted adulation gracefully. He brandished his sword against his opponents without mocking or belittling them. He was elegant, unaffected, utterly American, and now (Wow) suddenly America is cool.
Chicago is cool. Chicago!!!
The complete article can be viewed at:
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/columnist/chi-oped1112keillornov12,0,4283187.column
sorry i'm not literate yet.
it will be a busy week. time to retrieve the cat and head to bed.
thank you Charlie for reattaching the cover for the cold air return. he can reach the screws while standing on the floor. omg. something that would not ever have occurred to me. like when Adam replaced the lamps in the bathroom and took down the fixture while standing. me, i climb up on the counter. ah well.
as a result of the large clean out done by elinor and audrey, the larder is pretty empty. i was looking for a chicken sausage. not in freezer. too bad. i was looking forward to sausage and red cabbage. so i had half a can of italian wedding soup, which was one of Linda's favorites. i think i'll supplement it with a piece of toast and jelly. still not eating a lot.
ketzl spent a good deal of time outside in a box in the sunshine. i trimmed a lot of vines while talking on the phone (free weekend minutes). he's out for a nighttime romp. we had a nice walk this afternoon. he actually "got" what a walk is about, for a short time.
i still can't figure out how to turn off the alarm on the phone base in the bedroom. and when i think i've changed the time of the alarm, it still reverts to just before 7 AM. i think. i'll keep at it.
tissue alert maybe
so i figured out that i'm not crying every day. or maybe i am and just not realizing it. it hit me on thursday: November 13. 7 months. somehow that hit me much more than 6 months in October. i guess because 7 months is the beginning of the 2nd half of the first year. yargh. that feels really strange. that in less than 5 months, i will be saying it has been one year...ok ok ok don't rush it. not there yet. but somehow being on the 2nd half really hit me.
from the back cover of "Letting Go With Love: The Grieving Process," by Nancy O'Connor. the words are in the shape of a butterfly, which is partly what attracted me to the book. "Life and grief go hand in hand. The process of grieving is the way we release old ways of thinking and feeling to make room for new ones. Endings and beginnings: birth and death, starts and finishes: these are the unavoidable rhythms and cycles that make life a totally dynamic ever-changing process."
i'll bring these books back to group tomorrow and get new ones. the alphabet one has a good premise. each letter has something and then ends with an affirmation: i can, or i will. a lot of it is about accepting help from others. i do my best.
elinor was in LA this weekend. she said the smoke was really bad. not a good time to go out for a walk.
daph and kevin went to the SF rally yesterday and said it was amazing.
Garrison Keillor's article from Nov 12...
Be happy, dear hearts, and allow yourselves a few more weeks of quiet exultation. It isn't gloating, it's satisfaction at a job well done. He was a superb candidate, serious, professorial but with a flashing grin and a buoyancy that comes from working out in the gym every morning. He spoke in a genuine voice, not senatorial at all. He relished campaigning. He accepted adulation gracefully. He brandished his sword against his opponents without mocking or belittling them. He was elegant, unaffected, utterly American, and now (Wow) suddenly America is cool.
Chicago is cool. Chicago!!!
The complete article can be viewed at:
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/columnist/chi-oped1112keillornov12,0,4283187.column
sorry i'm not literate yet.
it will be a busy week. time to retrieve the cat and head to bed.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
"Execution of Justice" and unbelievable rallies
a very well done play at Santa Clara Univ tonight, as the Kristin groupies attended. it is the story of the trial of Dan White, and Kristin played the defense attorney, originally written for a man. excellent staging, stirring plot...timed maybe to be around the election and definitely the approaching 30th anniversary of the assassinations of George Moscone and Harvey Milk.
and then there were the thousands of people who turned out at city halls across California and the country in support of marriage equality. i drove by San Jose City Hall at 1:30 PM, 3 hours after the 10:30 AM start, and there were still maybe 30 people there and cars still driving by, with more signs, honking. turns out that one of Kristin's friends at the play had been there about when i was there, and i remember his sign: totally gay for marriage equality. 7500 in San Francisco. more in Sacramento. Boston, Dallas, Minneapolis all made one of the evening news shows. so it may turn out that prop 8 passing was actually better in the long run in terms of national education and progress. we'll see.
re Lindalphabet: thanks for the contributions. how could i have forgotten N is for Nectarine? Q is for Q-tip.
i'm still surprised that i put out one small bag of garbage weekly.
that i run the dishwasher once a week. that i do two loads of laundry at a time and it lasts for a long time. speaking of which i need to retrieve the next load while ketzl is out for his evening jaunt.
and then there were the thousands of people who turned out at city halls across California and the country in support of marriage equality. i drove by San Jose City Hall at 1:30 PM, 3 hours after the 10:30 AM start, and there were still maybe 30 people there and cars still driving by, with more signs, honking. turns out that one of Kristin's friends at the play had been there about when i was there, and i remember his sign: totally gay for marriage equality. 7500 in San Francisco. more in Sacramento. Boston, Dallas, Minneapolis all made one of the evening news shows. so it may turn out that prop 8 passing was actually better in the long run in terms of national education and progress. we'll see.
re Lindalphabet: thanks for the contributions. how could i have forgotten N is for Nectarine? Q is for Q-tip.
i'm still surprised that i put out one small bag of garbage weekly.
that i run the dishwasher once a week. that i do two loads of laundry at a time and it lasts for a long time. speaking of which i need to retrieve the next load while ketzl is out for his evening jaunt.
Friday, November 14, 2008
alphabet more and cat walk
well i will write in reverse order.
when an 18 pound cat doesn't want to cross the street, he creates a lot of inertia which needs to be overcome. wow. but we had a nice meander late afternoon. there were lots of bushes to sniff.
today was the opening of Downtown Ice, an outdoor rink near the Fairmont Hotel and the SJ Museum of Art. problem was, today was at least 78 degrees. felt nice and warm, but harder to keep the rink frozen. otherwise it will be downtown water.
with thanks to some (you know who you are)
the Lindalphabet is coming along nicely. i could use some help on E,N,R,T,W,Y,Z.
tomorrow will be a big day.
when an 18 pound cat doesn't want to cross the street, he creates a lot of inertia which needs to be overcome. wow. but we had a nice meander late afternoon. there were lots of bushes to sniff.
today was the opening of Downtown Ice, an outdoor rink near the Fairmont Hotel and the SJ Museum of Art. problem was, today was at least 78 degrees. felt nice and warm, but harder to keep the rink frozen. otherwise it will be downtown water.
with thanks to some (you know who you are)
the Lindalphabet is coming along nicely. i could use some help on E,N,R,T,W,Y,Z.
tomorrow will be a big day.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
why do we talk to a deaf cat? etc.
but everyone does. as if he hears. as if he understands what we are saying. good cat. he was asleep when i left, and i forgot he had his harness on. so it was on all day.
stopped at the Dollar Store on my way home, looking for hand lotion for the women's bathroom. found some but without a pump. hmmmmmm. also Pears soap...always good to have some of that on hand. plus gold and silver wrapping paper. and gum. an easy night. other than getting the frames for the photographs for Linda's memorial service, i don't think i've been in the dollar store since Linda died. probably a good thing. Linda and i used to go there for recreational shopping sometimes. we got a lot of useful items, but also probably a lot of things that were not necessary. some of them are still here in the house.
last night i discovered that i have 5 pairs of Linda's glasses. wow. plus the glasses care kit with wipes, small tool kits, etc. there are so many things, and this was just looking on the bookshelf in the bedroom. a lot of things.
this weekend will be a massive series of demonstrations at city halls around the country in opposition to the passage of proposition 8 here in california. i hope i will be able to get to the one here. if not, i'm sure there will be more activities.
cute cat. he's sleeping next to me on top of the grey and white blanket (his colors) on the family room couch. not sure if he'll wake up and come with me to the bedroom.
what am i going to do with all the stuff?
other contributions to the alphabet of Linda: G is for generous. and guitar. P is for passionate. J is for Jewish. C is for courageous. D for devoted.
my chiropractic appointment seems to have done good things. i don't really hurt anywhere and feel more pulled together. quarterly tune ups, that's the ticket.
tonight is a full moon. that's all for the astronomy report for tonight.
and time for sleep.
stopped at the Dollar Store on my way home, looking for hand lotion for the women's bathroom. found some but without a pump. hmmmmmm. also Pears soap...always good to have some of that on hand. plus gold and silver wrapping paper. and gum. an easy night. other than getting the frames for the photographs for Linda's memorial service, i don't think i've been in the dollar store since Linda died. probably a good thing. Linda and i used to go there for recreational shopping sometimes. we got a lot of useful items, but also probably a lot of things that were not necessary. some of them are still here in the house.
last night i discovered that i have 5 pairs of Linda's glasses. wow. plus the glasses care kit with wipes, small tool kits, etc. there are so many things, and this was just looking on the bookshelf in the bedroom. a lot of things.
this weekend will be a massive series of demonstrations at city halls around the country in opposition to the passage of proposition 8 here in california. i hope i will be able to get to the one here. if not, i'm sure there will be more activities.
cute cat. he's sleeping next to me on top of the grey and white blanket (his colors) on the family room couch. not sure if he'll wake up and come with me to the bedroom.
what am i going to do with all the stuff?
other contributions to the alphabet of Linda: G is for generous. and guitar. P is for passionate. J is for Jewish. C is for courageous. D for devoted.
my chiropractic appointment seems to have done good things. i don't really hurt anywhere and feel more pulled together. quarterly tune ups, that's the ticket.
tonight is a full moon. that's all for the astronomy report for tonight.
and time for sleep.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
tuesday ramble
ketzl has cantaloupe, the heat is on. ketzl is on the heater after eating cantaloupe. life is good. keith olbermann on prop 8 is amazing.
today for the 2nd time in recent weeks, i came home to find the fan and light on in the living room. i can only assume that ketzl is walking on the remote which was left on the coffee table. and that i left the master wall switch turned on (maybe from when Linda F was here and we sat down there and she saw Europe pix before the dinner on Saturday). that's the only thing i can figure.
elinor has started her new job. marcy is back from washington dc. things move on. elinor is going to LA this weekend. i'm going thanksgiving. we are ramping up the visits.
my visit to the chiropractor for my quarterly tune-up showed nothing really to worry about. just life. got a cute new stretch to help my left shoulder.
i'm not really eating much 4 dinner these days. i'm just not hungry. but i got a really nice spaghetti squash at the farmers market and i'll try it in the microwave so i don't have to worry about hacking into the thick skin. then some butter and maybe nutmeg. yum.
today for the 2nd time in recent weeks, i came home to find the fan and light on in the living room. i can only assume that ketzl is walking on the remote which was left on the coffee table. and that i left the master wall switch turned on (maybe from when Linda F was here and we sat down there and she saw Europe pix before the dinner on Saturday). that's the only thing i can figure.
elinor has started her new job. marcy is back from washington dc. things move on. elinor is going to LA this weekend. i'm going thanksgiving. we are ramping up the visits.
my visit to the chiropractor for my quarterly tune-up showed nothing really to worry about. just life. got a cute new stretch to help my left shoulder.
i'm not really eating much 4 dinner these days. i'm just not hungry. but i got a really nice spaghetti squash at the farmers market and i'll try it in the microwave so i don't have to worry about hacking into the thick skin. then some butter and maybe nutmeg. yum.
Monday, November 10, 2008
vigils and writings
tonight there were candlelight vigils in San Jose. one of them was on my way to the support group at Hospice. so i drove through and honked. it was actually more emotional than i would have thought. i hope there will be more so i can participate.
today the facilitator passed out a list of topics and invited us each to share a reflection. something we wished we had done or said; what special memories do i have that i want to keep alive; what do i miss most; what did i value most about our relationship. good questions. good sharing. people said they changed their minds about which question to answer as other people shared. one woman has a tape of her husband telling stories and how much he loved her and how much fun he had with her mother. i regret not going with Linda to places in California like Yosemite and Tahoe. i'm very sorry i don't have Linda on tape, audio or video.
from group i borrowed a book, the ABC of Healthy Grieving. on the drive home, i thought i might like to create an ABC of Linda. not being limited to one word or thought per letter. and there is liberty to be taken, so that X could be "eXacting." for those of you out there in blogland, feel free to email your contributions. so: S is of course for smile. B is for brilliant. and Bubbles. D is for Dancing Queen. W for words. keep them coming. i'll share as it develops.
meanwhile i have two new books to read, and i'll take some of mine in to share next week, when we also bring a photo.
writings: there are suggestions, from the above questions and others, like how will we spend Thanksgiving, what will we change, what keep the same, etc. i've started a series of "Letters to Linda," and now think i will also write a series of other pieces. Vicki (the facilitator) says it will be useful to look back on them in months to come, to show how far we've come.
thursday is a movie as part of the Silicon Valley Jewish Film Festival, tho this one is in Palo Alto. a documentary about Ladino music, followed by a live concert. i will be attending as a tribute to my cousin Judy, founder of Voice of the Turtle. bring tissues.
today the facilitator passed out a list of topics and invited us each to share a reflection. something we wished we had done or said; what special memories do i have that i want to keep alive; what do i miss most; what did i value most about our relationship. good questions. good sharing. people said they changed their minds about which question to answer as other people shared. one woman has a tape of her husband telling stories and how much he loved her and how much fun he had with her mother. i regret not going with Linda to places in California like Yosemite and Tahoe. i'm very sorry i don't have Linda on tape, audio or video.
from group i borrowed a book, the ABC of Healthy Grieving. on the drive home, i thought i might like to create an ABC of Linda. not being limited to one word or thought per letter. and there is liberty to be taken, so that X could be "eXacting." for those of you out there in blogland, feel free to email your contributions. so: S is of course for smile. B is for brilliant. and Bubbles. D is for Dancing Queen. W for words. keep them coming. i'll share as it develops.
meanwhile i have two new books to read, and i'll take some of mine in to share next week, when we also bring a photo.
writings: there are suggestions, from the above questions and others, like how will we spend Thanksgiving, what will we change, what keep the same, etc. i've started a series of "Letters to Linda," and now think i will also write a series of other pieces. Vicki (the facilitator) says it will be useful to look back on them in months to come, to show how far we've come.
thursday is a movie as part of the Silicon Valley Jewish Film Festival, tho this one is in Palo Alto. a documentary about Ladino music, followed by a live concert. i will be attending as a tribute to my cousin Judy, founder of Voice of the Turtle. bring tissues.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
excitement and accomplishment
yesterday my neighbor Carl expressed his concern about a white lexus parked across the street for more than a week. also because once someone got out of the car and walked around the corner and got into another vehicle. so he called the police and they came and put on one of those electronic bugs. today, the car left and returned. when it got back, Hannah called me to invite me outside where there were 5 or 6 unmarked (or personal) cars and 10 police officers. they had nabbed the suspect. found out the car had been stolen at gunpoint over a week ago. that he was a real baddy-baddy, lived nearby and this was just a convenient quiet place to park the car which he occasionally used on not good business. so one team was one duty and the other teams came down in full gear and they got him. they were very happy. pretty exciting.
technological excitement: Julia told David how to do a skype conference call, so they two and Audrey and I talked for a while (and i stepped out to check on the police activity outside).
now as i was typing, Aud called on the house phone, Jeremy on the cell, and then Adam skyped.
Jeremy called to invite me to dinner, so i will miss CBS 60 minutes tonite analyzing the Obama strategy.
got the mattress rotated, bed heater plugged in, furnace filters replaced, some of the heater vents vacuumed, and ready for winter!!
off to dinner
technological excitement: Julia told David how to do a skype conference call, so they two and Audrey and I talked for a while (and i stepped out to check on the police activity outside).
now as i was typing, Aud called on the house phone, Jeremy on the cell, and then Adam skyped.
Jeremy called to invite me to dinner, so i will miss CBS 60 minutes tonite analyzing the Obama strategy.
got the mattress rotated, bed heater plugged in, furnace filters replaced, some of the heater vents vacuumed, and ready for winter!!
off to dinner
Friday, November 7, 2008
whew the week is over...
tonight was fun, the Connie Doolan Quartet, now maybe known as Connie and the Perfect Gentlemen, or, the audience favorite: Yes, Connie! she has a great voice and the instrumentalists were fantastic. www.conniedoolanquartet.com the bass player, Steven Strauss, has hands the size of a baseball glove and he also played the ukelele!! Mike Wollenberg does some delicious guitar, and Julian Smedley plays guitar, violin, and viola. nice jazzy stuff. some latin flavor. celtic. portuguese. wow. nice mix, great venue at Mission City Coffee Roasting, put on by Fiddling Cricket.
ketzl would love go out again. there is a cat in the backyard. lots of yowling here tonight.
the video of the march in San Francisco tonight was amazing. it will be very interesting to see where all this goes. court challenges (can't violate the federal constitutional protection of equal rights), investigate the Mormon Church's non-profit status, No on Hate.
the economic situation continues to get really ugly. just don't open the statements showing how low our accounts have fallen. we can't do anything about it & it will only make us crazy.
ketzl would love go out again. there is a cat in the backyard. lots of yowling here tonight.
the video of the march in San Francisco tonight was amazing. it will be very interesting to see where all this goes. court challenges (can't violate the federal constitutional protection of equal rights), investigate the Mormon Church's non-profit status, No on Hate.
the economic situation continues to get really ugly. just don't open the statements showing how low our accounts have fallen. we can't do anything about it & it will only make us crazy.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
we made it! almost...
well, for the most part. Obama won. new era for our country and the world. with the exception of the (not insignificant) win of Prop 8, things went pretty well.
Linda would have been upset at how many reporters misused the word "enormity," to describe Obama's victory. enormity has large negative connotation. to refer to large size, it's enormous. or, to quote adam, ginormous. but i think she would have been ecstatic alongside the rest of us at the major changes we are about to see. so many young people have not experienced a Democratic president. wonderful also that young people are energized about participating in the political system. they are no longer turned off by "politics as usual" which we all had experienced over the last several administrations. elizabeth dole got whomped...one of the many gains in the house and senate...there is real cause for optimism, despite the gloomy financial situation. it was the triumph of hope over fear. too bad McCain's last speech was by far his best. sorry about that.
from a friend of Linda's from whiteplains high school, whose daughter is in the army:
Other than driving down highway 90 in Arizona of all places when the voice on the radio announced that John McCain would be giving his concession speech in a few moments, yesterday evening was one in which I can’t find words to explain. I put my uniform on this morning with a great deal more pride and hope for the future! You will most likely witness a great deal of coverage from military members who voted for Senator McCain on the news for the next few days, but as a military member who supported President-elect Barak Obama, I wanted to thank you for your vote!
A new day is upon us and we finally have a President and Commander in Chief we can believe in!
there are marches and vigils all over California demonstrating against the passage of Proposition 8. more than 18,000 couples married over the last 4 months. 3 lawsuits have already been filed. one of the main issues is equal protection. my view is, if you don't like same sex marriage, then don't marry someone of the same gender.
President-Elect Obama. has a nice ring. what a nice smile he has.
i wish i weren't so tired. it was a very long day yesterday.
hey 51% waxing gibbous moon...it was lovely tonight.
it is getting cold...well, cold for California. we whimper when it gets below 40. this weekend REALLY will be getting the electric bed heater hooked up and the heater ready. it is 63 inside now and my nose is cold.
Linda would have been upset at how many reporters misused the word "enormity," to describe Obama's victory. enormity has large negative connotation. to refer to large size, it's enormous. or, to quote adam, ginormous. but i think she would have been ecstatic alongside the rest of us at the major changes we are about to see. so many young people have not experienced a Democratic president. wonderful also that young people are energized about participating in the political system. they are no longer turned off by "politics as usual" which we all had experienced over the last several administrations. elizabeth dole got whomped...one of the many gains in the house and senate...there is real cause for optimism, despite the gloomy financial situation. it was the triumph of hope over fear. too bad McCain's last speech was by far his best. sorry about that.
from a friend of Linda's from whiteplains high school, whose daughter is in the army:
Other than driving down highway 90 in Arizona of all places when the voice on the radio announced that John McCain would be giving his concession speech in a few moments, yesterday evening was one in which I can’t find words to explain. I put my uniform on this morning with a great deal more pride and hope for the future! You will most likely witness a great deal of coverage from military members who voted for Senator McCain on the news for the next few days, but as a military member who supported President-elect Barak Obama, I wanted to thank you for your vote!
A new day is upon us and we finally have a President and Commander in Chief we can believe in!
there are marches and vigils all over California demonstrating against the passage of Proposition 8. more than 18,000 couples married over the last 4 months. 3 lawsuits have already been filed. one of the main issues is equal protection. my view is, if you don't like same sex marriage, then don't marry someone of the same gender.
President-Elect Obama. has a nice ring. what a nice smile he has.
i wish i weren't so tired. it was a very long day yesterday.
hey 51% waxing gibbous moon...it was lovely tonight.
it is getting cold...well, cold for California. we whimper when it gets below 40. this weekend REALLY will be getting the electric bed heater hooked up and the heater ready. it is 63 inside now and my nose is cold.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Saturday Night's Presidential Bash etc.
Tina Fey is so awesome as Sarah Palin. Unbelievable. She nails it. Maverick.
"Marriage is a sacred institution between two unwilling teenagers." Queen Latifah as Gwen Ifill was pretty good too.
I went out to check on the cat and he was screeching around the corner of the grasses, chasing something. Not a bird at this hour.
One item that I didn't mention from the Halloween party: a dachshund in a crocodile costume.
So tonight was the first of 6 sessions of the partner loss support group at Hospice of the Valley. It went pretty well. Some new people. Others have been there for a while. The facilitator does it pro bono. She has a private practice up the peninsula.
Two men, both lost wives to oral cancer. It is a good place where we can all be safe and be "not okay." One of the men mentioned the difficulty of flying somewhere and not having anyone to call to say "I've landed safely." Seems like many have problems with piles of papers and lists of things to be done. That is reassuring. And we also talked about the upcoming holidays. The facilitator is going to collect recipes, identifying them with the contributor and the lost spouse...I think I'll add Linda's brisket recipe, and maybe matzo meal pancakes. and for the season, cranberry orange walnut sauce...not really sauce. More of a relish. One of the pages had suggestions of things to do at the holidays: like take a time at a holiday meal to share a story. That might be a nice thing to do in our family.
Tomorrow is an early day for me. I volunteered to be the staff person tomorrow morning at 6 AM when the poll workers arrive at the synagogue. But I'll get to come home earlier. It's going to be a long day.
"Marriage is a sacred institution between two unwilling teenagers." Queen Latifah as Gwen Ifill was pretty good too.
I went out to check on the cat and he was screeching around the corner of the grasses, chasing something. Not a bird at this hour.
One item that I didn't mention from the Halloween party: a dachshund in a crocodile costume.
So tonight was the first of 6 sessions of the partner loss support group at Hospice of the Valley. It went pretty well. Some new people. Others have been there for a while. The facilitator does it pro bono. She has a private practice up the peninsula.
Two men, both lost wives to oral cancer. It is a good place where we can all be safe and be "not okay." One of the men mentioned the difficulty of flying somewhere and not having anyone to call to say "I've landed safely." Seems like many have problems with piles of papers and lists of things to be done. That is reassuring. And we also talked about the upcoming holidays. The facilitator is going to collect recipes, identifying them with the contributor and the lost spouse...I think I'll add Linda's brisket recipe, and maybe matzo meal pancakes. and for the season, cranberry orange walnut sauce...not really sauce. More of a relish. One of the pages had suggestions of things to do at the holidays: like take a time at a holiday meal to share a story. That might be a nice thing to do in our family.
Tomorrow is an early day for me. I volunteered to be the staff person tomorrow morning at 6 AM when the poll workers arrive at the synagogue. But I'll get to come home earlier. It's going to be a long day.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
omg costumes
the daughter of the hosts as Amy Winehouse was spectacular
outdone only by Rochelle as Frieda Kahlo (and Steve as Diego Rivera).
wow. lots of yummy food. kevin's apple/cranberry cake was our favorite. followed closely by christine's swiss chocolates.
fortunately is wasn't raining when i got home, so ketzl got a bit of outside time.
outdone only by Rochelle as Frieda Kahlo (and Steve as Diego Rivera).
wow. lots of yummy food. kevin's apple/cranberry cake was our favorite. followed closely by christine's swiss chocolates.
fortunately is wasn't raining when i got home, so ketzl got a bit of outside time.
learning....
so i bought less at the farmers market today.
i'm listening to myself.
take good care of yourself, people have said.
so today i got a manicure and pedicure at the place where i get my hair cut.
most of the staff has been there more than 10 years. nice family feeling.
fingernails are cotton candy: light pink with opalescence.
toes were supposed to be purple but they are more of a purplish dark red.
now that it is winter and my feet will be in sox, only ketzl and i will see the color.
tonight is the halloween party. there will be a LOT of food, if past experience is any indicator.
brent musberger is getting old.
roger moore is 82. omg. how did THAT happen?
we are all getting older.
i won't miss the tv ads, but there are some wonderful youtube videos circulating. if i were more skillful, i would embed them here. "oy mc cainia" is a very nice one, as it the hockey mama for obama.
i subscribe to several green orgs that send good information. one of the latest from New American Dream was something to make you stop and think before you make a credit card purchase: you download (recycling the back of a piece of paper) and fold and tape it and make a holder for your credit card(s). the text of the protector says on one side: Every dollar I spend is a statement about the kind of world I want and the quality of life I value. On the other side are a series of questions to ask onesself before making a purchase: Do I need this and do I need it now? Was it made sustainably? Were the workers who made it treated well? Does it have too much packaging? Is it worth the money? Make a difference.
if you want to see it, go to www.newdream.org it's called the wallet buddy.
ketzl is not happy about the rain, and not being able to go out, but he gave up whining and went to sleep. welcome to winter, cat.
3 more days. or 2 if you are counting differently.
give money to keep No on 8 ads on the air. that's going to be tough.
i'm listening to myself.
take good care of yourself, people have said.
so today i got a manicure and pedicure at the place where i get my hair cut.
most of the staff has been there more than 10 years. nice family feeling.
fingernails are cotton candy: light pink with opalescence.
toes were supposed to be purple but they are more of a purplish dark red.
now that it is winter and my feet will be in sox, only ketzl and i will see the color.
tonight is the halloween party. there will be a LOT of food, if past experience is any indicator.
brent musberger is getting old.
roger moore is 82. omg. how did THAT happen?
we are all getting older.
i won't miss the tv ads, but there are some wonderful youtube videos circulating. if i were more skillful, i would embed them here. "oy mc cainia" is a very nice one, as it the hockey mama for obama.
i subscribe to several green orgs that send good information. one of the latest from New American Dream was something to make you stop and think before you make a credit card purchase: you download (recycling the back of a piece of paper) and fold and tape it and make a holder for your credit card(s). the text of the protector says on one side: Every dollar I spend is a statement about the kind of world I want and the quality of life I value. On the other side are a series of questions to ask onesself before making a purchase: Do I need this and do I need it now? Was it made sustainably? Were the workers who made it treated well? Does it have too much packaging? Is it worth the money? Make a difference.
if you want to see it, go to www.newdream.org it's called the wallet buddy.
ketzl is not happy about the rain, and not being able to go out, but he gave up whining and went to sleep. welcome to winter, cat.
3 more days. or 2 if you are counting differently.
give money to keep No on 8 ads on the air. that's going to be tough.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
i'm still not eating a lot
well it makes for much smaller garbage loads (tonight is garbage night)
but it also means i need to reduce the amount of food i bring into the house.
today i made a second donation to Equality California aka No on Prop 8. apparently there is a big infusion to the yes campaign that needs countering badly. tonight there was a No on 8 TV ad with the latino actors from Ugly Betty.
there is an increase in burglaries in Palo Alto. a member of the synagogue had her house broken into yesterday. i am a trend setter yet once again. we live in scary times.
one of the meditation teachers had her head shaved last week and became a buddhist priest on saturday. we celebrated with more chocolate. a day that begins (Mendocino fudge) and ends with chocolate has MUCH to recommend it.
only 4 (or 5) more days until the election is over. can't wait (as always) for the end to the tv ads. somewhere i read that obama is leading in california by 22 points. wow. that's pretty amazing.
signs of the times: many storefronts and office space for lease. mervyn's, an old department store, is going out of business.
ketzl is in for the night. he was lucky that it wasn't raining this evening.
it is not yet winter. in the last rotation of the mattress, i turned it around so that the plug on the electric mattress pad is now at the head of the bed. so i guess i'll have to wait until next time i change sheets and then rotate it back again. then i need to turn on the furnace after cleaning the filter. so the temperature better not drop too much.
but it also means i need to reduce the amount of food i bring into the house.
today i made a second donation to Equality California aka No on Prop 8. apparently there is a big infusion to the yes campaign that needs countering badly. tonight there was a No on 8 TV ad with the latino actors from Ugly Betty.
there is an increase in burglaries in Palo Alto. a member of the synagogue had her house broken into yesterday. i am a trend setter yet once again. we live in scary times.
one of the meditation teachers had her head shaved last week and became a buddhist priest on saturday. we celebrated with more chocolate. a day that begins (Mendocino fudge) and ends with chocolate has MUCH to recommend it.
only 4 (or 5) more days until the election is over. can't wait (as always) for the end to the tv ads. somewhere i read that obama is leading in california by 22 points. wow. that's pretty amazing.
signs of the times: many storefronts and office space for lease. mervyn's, an old department store, is going out of business.
ketzl is in for the night. he was lucky that it wasn't raining this evening.
it is not yet winter. in the last rotation of the mattress, i turned it around so that the plug on the electric mattress pad is now at the head of the bed. so i guess i'll have to wait until next time i change sheets and then rotate it back again. then i need to turn on the furnace after cleaning the filter. so the temperature better not drop too much.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
who wants some fish?
that was Linda's way of asking if anyone wanted lox and cream cheese for breakfast. salmon was a staple in the house, and now i've discovered a wonderful purveyor who is at the local farmers market which is now extended to all year round! we are happy. and the fish guy has lemon pepper, dill and plain. i still have to try the small pieces that my dentist gave me from his fishing trip.
i went to savemart today to get asparagus. when i read the grocery flyers on saturday, i realized that is has been forever since i was in a supermarket. between the aforementioned farmers market, Costco and Trader Joe's, i really can't remember the last time.
so i eat lox and cream cheese, and remember Linda.
i drive past the South Bay Oncology office at Hamilton and Winchester, and remember all the infusions she had there, and i tried to visit each time.
at Le Petit Trianon and the concert Sunday, i remember Linda because the women's chorus sang there once and we attended a wide variety of shows there.
i think about starting the partners loss grief group next week and wonder what i will say.
i think about the upcoming Halloween party and think of Linda's fallback costume:
doctor's lab coat, stethescope and bag, and the identifying sign: half a paradox (pair of docs?) too subtle.
i have an appointment with an attorney found by my sister to start the creation of a will and trust for me and my assets. i think of Linda, and how organized she had things. gotta get that done.
i think of Linda a lot.
i went to savemart today to get asparagus. when i read the grocery flyers on saturday, i realized that is has been forever since i was in a supermarket. between the aforementioned farmers market, Costco and Trader Joe's, i really can't remember the last time.
so i eat lox and cream cheese, and remember Linda.
i drive past the South Bay Oncology office at Hamilton and Winchester, and remember all the infusions she had there, and i tried to visit each time.
at Le Petit Trianon and the concert Sunday, i remember Linda because the women's chorus sang there once and we attended a wide variety of shows there.
i think about starting the partners loss grief group next week and wonder what i will say.
i think about the upcoming Halloween party and think of Linda's fallback costume:
doctor's lab coat, stethescope and bag, and the identifying sign: half a paradox (pair of docs?) too subtle.
i have an appointment with an attorney found by my sister to start the creation of a will and trust for me and my assets. i think of Linda, and how organized she had things. gotta get that done.
i think of Linda a lot.
Monday, October 27, 2008
tonight....
as i was driving home, the sun was setting and the clouds had that wonderful pinky-orange underbelly. i just love that time.
ketzl wants to go outside in the back. we don't do that at night, and i even closed his kitchen window because it is getting so cold.
pat (who called in what was almost the middle of the night in NY) says that David Letterman and Craig Ferguson are good tonight. i hope i can stay awake.
tonight's Boston Legal, a slight spin on Brokeback Mountain, was really hysterical. i was saddened to learn that this is the last season. i remember the halloween when Linda and I went in plaid shirts, purple cowboy hats, rainbow beads...the softer side of Brokeback Mountain.
what do i want to be this year? the party is Saturday, so i need suggestions soon.
ketzl wants to go outside in the back. we don't do that at night, and i even closed his kitchen window because it is getting so cold.
pat (who called in what was almost the middle of the night in NY) says that David Letterman and Craig Ferguson are good tonight. i hope i can stay awake.
tonight's Boston Legal, a slight spin on Brokeback Mountain, was really hysterical. i was saddened to learn that this is the last season. i remember the halloween when Linda and I went in plaid shirts, purple cowboy hats, rainbow beads...the softer side of Brokeback Mountain.
what do i want to be this year? the party is Saturday, so i need suggestions soon.
how tired are we of political commercials? and weekend update
i am so relieved that November 4th is 8 days away. the endless relentless TV commercials are really getting me down.
the weekend was pretty productive. the shabbat service in the park and lunch were fun. i bailed out of the hike part way because i had told Elinor i would be in oakland by 2 pm. we worked hard, got a lot done, and earned our dinner break and took time for elinor to see europe photos. i was pretty tired on the drive home. probably not the safest drive i've done but i fiddled with the radio and temperature in the car, and made it. sunday was a trip to the temple to make sure the bus to SF got off ok and then home to laundry and then out to Petit Trianon to see the San Jose Chamber Orchestra, organized by Nath, who was driven to the venue by the ever-present Jackie. it was a wonderful program, Tchaikovsky and two other pieces, one with latin jazz ensemble with electric viola. very interesting, and the conductor is wonderful to watch as she almost launches off the podium!
looking in the closet now, it feels both the same and different. i acquired one more shelf for my shoes (!!) and by consolidating Linda's shirts on the top row, i got one more horizontal section for my shirts. lowering the rod so i can reach it more easily also gave me room for another shelf (for shoe boxes). so it's feeling like the reverse of 1999, when Linda would bring a spare suitcase filled with clothes on her trips to California. she sort of oozed into the house, a promise of the move to come, staking out territory in the closet. after Linda returned to Ohio, i would go into the closet to smell her fragrance on the clothes . so parts of it were easy, and parts of it are difficult as some of Linda'a clothes move on to new homes. while it is nice to have more room in there, i know i'd rather not have it.
today i had another session with the counselor at Hospice of the Valley. there is a group on Monday evenings for people who have lost partners, starting next week. i will try that for the 6 weeks, and take a break from the one on one's for a while, not breaking into the workday. we'll see if that works for a while. Laura said i can always come back or call.
got a call from the chiropractor to set up my quarterly tune-up. i like to do that as a preventive...catch it before anything gets too weird, and my right knee has been feeling weak recently and i've been wearing the neoprene brace some.
amazing, moving on into November already. it's definitely getting colder. i think the mid-80's are gone. i'm going to need to wear a sweater in the mornings. the passage of time, the moving on of the seasons.
tissue alert
or maybe it's just me.
it's just that the future stretches out in front of me.
and while it is full of activities and people,
it does not include Linda. and sometimes that is really hard.
the weekend was pretty productive. the shabbat service in the park and lunch were fun. i bailed out of the hike part way because i had told Elinor i would be in oakland by 2 pm. we worked hard, got a lot done, and earned our dinner break and took time for elinor to see europe photos. i was pretty tired on the drive home. probably not the safest drive i've done but i fiddled with the radio and temperature in the car, and made it. sunday was a trip to the temple to make sure the bus to SF got off ok and then home to laundry and then out to Petit Trianon to see the San Jose Chamber Orchestra, organized by Nath, who was driven to the venue by the ever-present Jackie. it was a wonderful program, Tchaikovsky and two other pieces, one with latin jazz ensemble with electric viola. very interesting, and the conductor is wonderful to watch as she almost launches off the podium!
looking in the closet now, it feels both the same and different. i acquired one more shelf for my shoes (!!) and by consolidating Linda's shirts on the top row, i got one more horizontal section for my shirts. lowering the rod so i can reach it more easily also gave me room for another shelf (for shoe boxes). so it's feeling like the reverse of 1999, when Linda would bring a spare suitcase filled with clothes on her trips to California. she sort of oozed into the house, a promise of the move to come, staking out territory in the closet. after Linda returned to Ohio, i would go into the closet to smell her fragrance on the clothes . so parts of it were easy, and parts of it are difficult as some of Linda'a clothes move on to new homes. while it is nice to have more room in there, i know i'd rather not have it.
today i had another session with the counselor at Hospice of the Valley. there is a group on Monday evenings for people who have lost partners, starting next week. i will try that for the 6 weeks, and take a break from the one on one's for a while, not breaking into the workday. we'll see if that works for a while. Laura said i can always come back or call.
got a call from the chiropractor to set up my quarterly tune-up. i like to do that as a preventive...catch it before anything gets too weird, and my right knee has been feeling weak recently and i've been wearing the neoprene brace some.
amazing, moving on into November already. it's definitely getting colder. i think the mid-80's are gone. i'm going to need to wear a sweater in the mornings. the passage of time, the moving on of the seasons.
tissue alert
or maybe it's just me.
it's just that the future stretches out in front of me.
and while it is full of activities and people,
it does not include Linda. and sometimes that is really hard.
Friday, October 24, 2008
packing for the clothing exchange
it's not as easy as i would have thought. in part, it is.
not at all difficult to sort through Linda's shoes, the high heels that she NEVER wore in California...because she never wore dresses and was almost a foot taller than i am. there are a lot of black leather with leather soles (for dancing). of course i saved the ones from the seventies: stack heels, multicolor suede, wow. a lot of dress shirts, starched and pressed, had no memories or significance for me. but i am so not ready on so many things: banded collar shirts, tuxedo shirts, the red wool blazer, the velvety soft muted corduroy overshirt, hawaiian shirts, important sweaters, like the one purchased in Italy, the black cashmere, things like that. so now i have two boxes of shoes, two boxes of clothes and a batch to collect in a twist tie through the hangars and put in plastic bags for transport. so there are two slim shelves available in the shoe section of the closet. but still a lot of t-shirts, turtlenecks, overshirts, sweatshirts...it doesn't feel empty at all. so it's good and could be better. i'm glad that the things i have gathered will be going to good homes. there is still more, but there is no rush.
this morning ketzl had a ball. i opened the box containing two new bags of dry cat food. i took one into the kitchen to open, and did so. in the meantime, he had chewed his way into the second bag. now there are two open ones...not the desired outcome. christine has a sealer and will try to seal one up.
tomorrow is Shabbat in Nature, with music, liturgy and food and hikes. sounds like fun and i'm halfway to Oakland, so early in the afternoon, i'll head up to visit my sister Elinor and deliver the clothes, work on insurance papers, and have a lovely dinner.
books i'm reading:
the year of magical thinking, joan didion
the gift of grief: finding peace, transformation, and renewd life after great sorry, rabbi matthew d. gewirtz i started it a while ago and think i'll go back a bit and skim what i'd read earlier.
thai food is so yummy. took new friends to Tee Nee Thai on Thursday. leftover tofu was yummy for dinner. i like taking new people there because they always love it.
not at all difficult to sort through Linda's shoes, the high heels that she NEVER wore in California...because she never wore dresses and was almost a foot taller than i am. there are a lot of black leather with leather soles (for dancing). of course i saved the ones from the seventies: stack heels, multicolor suede, wow. a lot of dress shirts, starched and pressed, had no memories or significance for me. but i am so not ready on so many things: banded collar shirts, tuxedo shirts, the red wool blazer, the velvety soft muted corduroy overshirt, hawaiian shirts, important sweaters, like the one purchased in Italy, the black cashmere, things like that. so now i have two boxes of shoes, two boxes of clothes and a batch to collect in a twist tie through the hangars and put in plastic bags for transport. so there are two slim shelves available in the shoe section of the closet. but still a lot of t-shirts, turtlenecks, overshirts, sweatshirts...it doesn't feel empty at all. so it's good and could be better. i'm glad that the things i have gathered will be going to good homes. there is still more, but there is no rush.
this morning ketzl had a ball. i opened the box containing two new bags of dry cat food. i took one into the kitchen to open, and did so. in the meantime, he had chewed his way into the second bag. now there are two open ones...not the desired outcome. christine has a sealer and will try to seal one up.
tomorrow is Shabbat in Nature, with music, liturgy and food and hikes. sounds like fun and i'm halfway to Oakland, so early in the afternoon, i'll head up to visit my sister Elinor and deliver the clothes, work on insurance papers, and have a lovely dinner.
books i'm reading:
the year of magical thinking, joan didion
the gift of grief: finding peace, transformation, and renewd life after great sorry, rabbi matthew d. gewirtz i started it a while ago and think i'll go back a bit and skim what i'd read earlier.
thai food is so yummy. took new friends to Tee Nee Thai on Thursday. leftover tofu was yummy for dinner. i like taking new people there because they always love it.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
palin wardrobe notes
$150,000 for palin's suits? from Neiman Marcus, Saks Fifth Avenue etc.
but they plan to donate them after the campaign, says the RNC.
Craig Ferguson has the definitive quote:
"nothing says hockey mom like dropping six figures on bling!!"
but they plan to donate them after the campaign, says the RNC.
Craig Ferguson has the definitive quote:
"nothing says hockey mom like dropping six figures on bling!!"
No on Prop 8 is out of lawn signs
so i'm glad that i snagged 10 last week. i gave mine to someone who lives across the street from a school and has much more visibility than i do.
for those of you not in California, Prop 8 is promoted by Focus on the Family, Knights of Columbus, with a lot of out of state funding, trying to revoke the state Supreme Court ruling of June that permitted marriages between same gender couples. almost every couple i know has gotten married in the last few months.
No on Prop 8 is changing their focus. less now on phone banks. wanting to have people staff tables in front of Trader Joe's, Whole Foods, BART stations. maybe new signs will arrive this weekend.
rabbi had a letter to the editor published in the Mercury News today. got at least one positive phone call about it. good sign.
how come political ads can be complete lies and still put on the air??? is there no limit to freedom of speech? we talked about it in staff meeting. it happens every election. but it still makes me cranky.
for those of you not in California, Prop 8 is promoted by Focus on the Family, Knights of Columbus, with a lot of out of state funding, trying to revoke the state Supreme Court ruling of June that permitted marriages between same gender couples. almost every couple i know has gotten married in the last few months.
No on Prop 8 is changing their focus. less now on phone banks. wanting to have people staff tables in front of Trader Joe's, Whole Foods, BART stations. maybe new signs will arrive this weekend.
rabbi had a letter to the editor published in the Mercury News today. got at least one positive phone call about it. good sign.
how come political ads can be complete lies and still put on the air??? is there no limit to freedom of speech? we talked about it in staff meeting. it happens every election. but it still makes me cranky.
pay attention to warning signs and sounds
the small screeching sound from the right rear wheel was actually the warning caliper on the brakes. saved about $200 because only the brake pads had to be replaced instead of the entire cylinders. and i asked if there was a coupon that could be applied. yes...there was a flyer on the counter so i got $25 off. i forgot to ask to see the belts they replaced. i'll call tomorrow to remind them. probably original equipment and maybe would have been replaced at the next major checkup at 60,000 miles. fluids and things all checked and filled as needed. i feel much better.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
how do i choose what to give away?
some things are going to NY for Trish. a variety of turtlenecks and sweaters.
my sister's union is having a clothing exchange. we had talked about my giving some of Linda's clothing, and when linda f and i were on the phone tonight, i started selecting some things. keeping some that are still too evocative ... the lavender shirt linda wore on her first visit (and its subterfuge) to California, august 1999. the wonderful series of overshirts, some that came with her from ohio, some we bought here. sweaters from italy. banded collar shirts. the tight wrangler jeans. pants that belonged to her father. stacked heels from the 70's i bet. converse one star black sneakers. white adidas.
i need a bit more room in the closet. so i will be getting rid of some of my stuff as well. i think the rule is, if you haven't worn something in a year, it's time to get rid of it.
so i will let go things that have no meaning. and i will keep floral hawaiian shirts also....things that still evoke Linda to me.
and it's ok. there's no rush. and it's OK to start.
my sister's union is having a clothing exchange. we had talked about my giving some of Linda's clothing, and when linda f and i were on the phone tonight, i started selecting some things. keeping some that are still too evocative ... the lavender shirt linda wore on her first visit (and its subterfuge) to California, august 1999. the wonderful series of overshirts, some that came with her from ohio, some we bought here. sweaters from italy. banded collar shirts. the tight wrangler jeans. pants that belonged to her father. stacked heels from the 70's i bet. converse one star black sneakers. white adidas.
i need a bit more room in the closet. so i will be getting rid of some of my stuff as well. i think the rule is, if you haven't worn something in a year, it's time to get rid of it.
so i will let go things that have no meaning. and i will keep floral hawaiian shirts also....things that still evoke Linda to me.
and it's ok. there's no rush. and it's OK to start.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
free ticket to Tina Turner!! i got one!
wow. i had to sacrifice. while really anticipating going to erev simchat torah services tonight (and seeing a whole torah unrolled in the sanctuary), when presented with a free ticket to see Tina at the HP Pavilion.....wow...unfortunately no contest. i partially rationalized that i will be going to services this morning, and i had helped with the dinner tonight. so i felt better. (it is unfortunate that i got the ticket because the original owner actually just came home from the hospital. the thought of a ticket being unused was also a strong incentive.)
nath had actually come to services. we had not touched base and so she was surprised that i wasn't there but she called Jackie and found out that i was seeing Tina....so i found two messages from her at home.
exciting show. lots of technical wizardry. pyrotechnics. hydraulics at the end where Tina walks out onto an apparatus that levers up and swings out over the audience...like a cherry picker. video montages (my favorite was the one with Mick Jagger while singing Jumping Jack Flash). costume changes. amazing quartet of backup dancers...they do the kind of dancing that Tina used to do but she is now 68 years young. they were incredible. she still has great legs and does some good signature strutting. great duo of back-up singers. musicians were loud (many of them look as though they've been with Tina for a long time...aging white guys on guitars, keyboard and drums and backup vocals). they all seem to have a lot of fun. it's labeled the 50th anniversary tour. wow.
backstory: when i was in Madison WI (in 1968, i think, and linda was actually there at the time) visiting friends, there was a topless dance contest at a local bar, and i danced to Proud Mary. which of course was the main closing number (before the encores) and had everyone out of their seats.
so thank you to my anonymous benefactor. it was a great evening.
more on songs later.
nath had actually come to services. we had not touched base and so she was surprised that i wasn't there but she called Jackie and found out that i was seeing Tina....so i found two messages from her at home.
exciting show. lots of technical wizardry. pyrotechnics. hydraulics at the end where Tina walks out onto an apparatus that levers up and swings out over the audience...like a cherry picker. video montages (my favorite was the one with Mick Jagger while singing Jumping Jack Flash). costume changes. amazing quartet of backup dancers...they do the kind of dancing that Tina used to do but she is now 68 years young. they were incredible. she still has great legs and does some good signature strutting. great duo of back-up singers. musicians were loud (many of them look as though they've been with Tina for a long time...aging white guys on guitars, keyboard and drums and backup vocals). they all seem to have a lot of fun. it's labeled the 50th anniversary tour. wow.
backstory: when i was in Madison WI (in 1968, i think, and linda was actually there at the time) visiting friends, there was a topless dance contest at a local bar, and i danced to Proud Mary. which of course was the main closing number (before the encores) and had everyone out of their seats.
so thank you to my anonymous benefactor. it was a great evening.
more on songs later.
Monday, October 20, 2008
weekend update, no not SNL
back in the condo on ocean avenue on saturday evening. things are pretty quiet tonight. after i ate dinner, we watched some CNN on Palin and Biden. interesting.
after Jack went to bed, Anita (the week day caregiver and every other weekend) came in and i showed her the Europe photos. that was fun.
i gave up trying to do anything on the iMac. way too slow. i'm troubled because i tried to forward the information on the matching grant for opposing Prop 8, which closes at midnight Sunday. for some reason it didn't send from home before i left. grrrrr.
went to the farmers market saturday with christine. 2nd to last weekend. picked up honey sticks for monday night...so that the young children starting their jewish studies will always find them sweet.... (used to put a drop of honey on the torah itself, or so i've heard...). then to costco. rescuing christine who is carless as her sister drives all over until tuesday. home to pack. ketzl out in a box.
scampered to one of many wedding celebrations happening in recent months and weeks, before November 4, this time a lesbian couple. how far we've traveled was told by one woman's daughter: "when i was in kindergarten, my mother told me not to tell anyone she was a lesbian. this year, i wrote a note to my son's kindergarten teacher saying he would not be in class because his grandmothers were getting married on friday." pretty impressive change in 30 years. and i gave away the rest of my "No on Prop 8" lawn signs. good move!
michal and maybe ron and the two kids will be coming for a brief visit tomorrow morning. that will be good. i think having them come over will be a good thing. sometimes weekends are slow because not a lot happens. especially now that walking around the block is considered strenuous activity.
i brought down stuff from the farmers market: carrots, fuyu persimmons (the crunchy ones), plums and apples. so delicious. it will be sad not to have that market any more.
taking advantage of free weekend minutes to talk with Trish (recovering slowly), Mimi and Shelley. IM with Barb before the stoopid system crashed.
and now it's time to sleep, without cat wake up call. side benefit of these trips. not to disparage ketzl, but i really do like to sleep uninterrupted when i can.
and on to Sunday....
today was nice. cousin Michal and her older daughter Anina came for a short visit. Luli had a sniffly nose and stayed home. at the end, we all walked down to the car and then halfway around the block. a good outing. after lunch my father and i went down to the pool area and i read two interesting articles from New Republic. one on how the myth of "small town America" hasn't been true for many years. another on Palin. i brought home the older issue to share with friends. there was a great picture, a take-off on northwest indian totem art, but with Palin hair and glasses. very striking. lots of information in both issues on how she rose up (as it were) through local Alaska politics, and who she dumped along the way, and how she really is limited in vision and understanding. because the tv is in my father's bedroom, i didn't get to see Palin on SNL, but there was a clip on a CNN show during the day.
we got to talk to my aunt Shoshana in Florida, the wife of my last remaining uncle on my father's side. every one is old and feeble in one way or another.
there was a large race this morning on Ocean Avenue. the west lane is coned off and people run for i'm not sure how far. people running with strollers, some with the tell-tale iPod white strings. after the race, a (homeless) man stretched out in a triangle of grass, with his large shopping basket of possessions. dogs were happily out on walks, some barking. a small flock of pigeons swarmed between trees and took turns alighting on the vertical bars of the street lights. there was a bit of pollution in the air, which meant that sunset had a nice golden orangey-pink hue. not so good for breathing but nice to see.
home late...the long term parking is a shlep to get to and then home and of course Ketzl wanted to go out.
now it's monday morning and i need to scamper to leave the house.
after Jack went to bed, Anita (the week day caregiver and every other weekend) came in and i showed her the Europe photos. that was fun.
i gave up trying to do anything on the iMac. way too slow. i'm troubled because i tried to forward the information on the matching grant for opposing Prop 8, which closes at midnight Sunday. for some reason it didn't send from home before i left. grrrrr.
went to the farmers market saturday with christine. 2nd to last weekend. picked up honey sticks for monday night...so that the young children starting their jewish studies will always find them sweet.... (used to put a drop of honey on the torah itself, or so i've heard...). then to costco. rescuing christine who is carless as her sister drives all over until tuesday. home to pack. ketzl out in a box.
scampered to one of many wedding celebrations happening in recent months and weeks, before November 4, this time a lesbian couple. how far we've traveled was told by one woman's daughter: "when i was in kindergarten, my mother told me not to tell anyone she was a lesbian. this year, i wrote a note to my son's kindergarten teacher saying he would not be in class because his grandmothers were getting married on friday." pretty impressive change in 30 years. and i gave away the rest of my "No on Prop 8" lawn signs. good move!
michal and maybe ron and the two kids will be coming for a brief visit tomorrow morning. that will be good. i think having them come over will be a good thing. sometimes weekends are slow because not a lot happens. especially now that walking around the block is considered strenuous activity.
i brought down stuff from the farmers market: carrots, fuyu persimmons (the crunchy ones), plums and apples. so delicious. it will be sad not to have that market any more.
taking advantage of free weekend minutes to talk with Trish (recovering slowly), Mimi and Shelley. IM with Barb before the stoopid system crashed.
and now it's time to sleep, without cat wake up call. side benefit of these trips. not to disparage ketzl, but i really do like to sleep uninterrupted when i can.
and on to Sunday....
today was nice. cousin Michal and her older daughter Anina came for a short visit. Luli had a sniffly nose and stayed home. at the end, we all walked down to the car and then halfway around the block. a good outing. after lunch my father and i went down to the pool area and i read two interesting articles from New Republic. one on how the myth of "small town America" hasn't been true for many years. another on Palin. i brought home the older issue to share with friends. there was a great picture, a take-off on northwest indian totem art, but with Palin hair and glasses. very striking. lots of information in both issues on how she rose up (as it were) through local Alaska politics, and who she dumped along the way, and how she really is limited in vision and understanding. because the tv is in my father's bedroom, i didn't get to see Palin on SNL, but there was a clip on a CNN show during the day.
we got to talk to my aunt Shoshana in Florida, the wife of my last remaining uncle on my father's side. every one is old and feeble in one way or another.
there was a large race this morning on Ocean Avenue. the west lane is coned off and people run for i'm not sure how far. people running with strollers, some with the tell-tale iPod white strings. after the race, a (homeless) man stretched out in a triangle of grass, with his large shopping basket of possessions. dogs were happily out on walks, some barking. a small flock of pigeons swarmed between trees and took turns alighting on the vertical bars of the street lights. there was a bit of pollution in the air, which meant that sunset had a nice golden orangey-pink hue. not so good for breathing but nice to see.
home late...the long term parking is a shlep to get to and then home and of course Ketzl wanted to go out.
now it's monday morning and i need to scamper to leave the house.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
ok it's been a while and there's lots to say
i'll try to get it done quickly because someone told me tonight that i often am posting really late.
sunday was a wonderful half day meditation retreat with two really really sweet teachers from Santa Clara University. it continued today and 3 more weds. evenings. it is so much fun and i think maybe there is a relationship between the classes and my energy level and accomplishment around the house.
sunday night i forget i had theatre tickets. that involved several phone calls to readjust and make sure that jackie could come along to the new dates as well.
monday was erev sukkot, the festival of booths. i picked up the lulav and etrog from Alef Bet Judaica where Nurit is the proprietor (i am 3 days older than she is!). the lulav is the collection of the palm (for spine), myrtle (for eyes) and laurel (lips) plus the etrog (a citron) are used for some blessings ins the sukkah, an open structure which reminds us that the Israelites wandered in the desert living in temporary housing.
tuesday was a work holiday (the joys of working for a synagogue) but i went to the sukkot morning service. it was a small but dedicated group (i got 10 extra points for calling that the John and Yvonne would attend). service was fun and a bit silly and we all went for breakfast, to Bill's, one of Linda's favorites.
in the afternoon i got a lot done around the house in terms of laundry, sheets, getting to the post office, faxing final estimates to the insurance company to complete the homeowner's claim...it felt very good.
today was first staff meeting in a long time. overall it went well. got a lot done overall but it felt busy because we are down one staff person the rest of this week. then the meditation class where we did some sitting, some eating of chocolate, some reading of Thich Nhat Hanh, and then we rummaged in the kitchen because the teachers really hadn't had dinner. the orange salad with candied walnuts and pomegranate seeds was totally fabulous!!
home late and ketzl is now outside for a bit.
the weather is amazing...cold in the morning but it's been warming up so nicely.
tonight is also the Presidential debate. it is difficult for me to watch. i'm listening to the rerun on PBS in the background. one candidate is so distorting things. guess who?
some interesting insights from the readings and discussion at class tonight:
when one works hard to confront a negativity or sadness, it has more power. we give it more power. if one says, as one teacher explained we could have a conversation: good morning, my little sadness. you are my friend. we will have a cup of tea and spend the day together.....when you do that, it leaves more room to appreciate the good things that are not the sadness or the pain. we are all grieving something...one of the teachers had debilitating repetitive stress like having barbed wire covering her arms. when she appreciated the small steps in which she could start doing new things, she was not so focused on the ongoing limitations. it's about the balance and perspective on what is going on. pain/loss/suffering is all part of life. it is not their existence but how we react to them...and when we do with mindfulness and awareness and breath, it changes their grip on us and allows us to heal where we are able.
i'm looking forward to the coming week, to next week's class and to sharing "Mindful Grieving" with them.
tomorrow is the havurah gathering in the sukkah at Shir Hadash. i hope it's fun. this weekend is "No on 8" in a lot of places. 3 weeks from yesterday is election day. and we continue to watch the markets going rather wacky. we live in interesting times, that's for sure.
sunday was a wonderful half day meditation retreat with two really really sweet teachers from Santa Clara University. it continued today and 3 more weds. evenings. it is so much fun and i think maybe there is a relationship between the classes and my energy level and accomplishment around the house.
sunday night i forget i had theatre tickets. that involved several phone calls to readjust and make sure that jackie could come along to the new dates as well.
monday was erev sukkot, the festival of booths. i picked up the lulav and etrog from Alef Bet Judaica where Nurit is the proprietor (i am 3 days older than she is!). the lulav is the collection of the palm (for spine), myrtle (for eyes) and laurel (lips) plus the etrog (a citron) are used for some blessings ins the sukkah, an open structure which reminds us that the Israelites wandered in the desert living in temporary housing.
tuesday was a work holiday (the joys of working for a synagogue) but i went to the sukkot morning service. it was a small but dedicated group (i got 10 extra points for calling that the John and Yvonne would attend). service was fun and a bit silly and we all went for breakfast, to Bill's, one of Linda's favorites.
in the afternoon i got a lot done around the house in terms of laundry, sheets, getting to the post office, faxing final estimates to the insurance company to complete the homeowner's claim...it felt very good.
today was first staff meeting in a long time. overall it went well. got a lot done overall but it felt busy because we are down one staff person the rest of this week. then the meditation class where we did some sitting, some eating of chocolate, some reading of Thich Nhat Hanh, and then we rummaged in the kitchen because the teachers really hadn't had dinner. the orange salad with candied walnuts and pomegranate seeds was totally fabulous!!
home late and ketzl is now outside for a bit.
the weather is amazing...cold in the morning but it's been warming up so nicely.
tonight is also the Presidential debate. it is difficult for me to watch. i'm listening to the rerun on PBS in the background. one candidate is so distorting things. guess who?
some interesting insights from the readings and discussion at class tonight:
when one works hard to confront a negativity or sadness, it has more power. we give it more power. if one says, as one teacher explained we could have a conversation: good morning, my little sadness. you are my friend. we will have a cup of tea and spend the day together.....when you do that, it leaves more room to appreciate the good things that are not the sadness or the pain. we are all grieving something...one of the teachers had debilitating repetitive stress like having barbed wire covering her arms. when she appreciated the small steps in which she could start doing new things, she was not so focused on the ongoing limitations. it's about the balance and perspective on what is going on. pain/loss/suffering is all part of life. it is not their existence but how we react to them...and when we do with mindfulness and awareness and breath, it changes their grip on us and allows us to heal where we are able.
i'm looking forward to the coming week, to next week's class and to sharing "Mindful Grieving" with them.
tomorrow is the havurah gathering in the sukkah at Shir Hadash. i hope it's fun. this weekend is "No on 8" in a lot of places. 3 weeks from yesterday is election day. and we continue to watch the markets going rather wacky. we live in interesting times, that's for sure.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
tissue alert
at this very moment, friends and family of Judith Steinbaum Wachs, my wonderful cousin, are gathering in Massachusetts for her funeral. silly me, i went back to Linda's blog to see what the last few weeks were like. pretty similar to what Gilda was posting on Judy's blog. surrounded by family and friends, hospice, at home. so now there is no more Big PeeWee, only me as Little PeeWee (names Judy and I had for each other since we were much younger, reintroduced as we started corresponding by email). her loss is great, not only to her family but also to the musical community where she was a scholar of early Jewish music and the Ladino musical tradition. she would combine trips to visit family in Israel with research forays and recording sessions with Ladino speakers. she was the director of Voice of the Turtle, and i have almost all of their recordings. someone said that one who dies between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, the soul goes straight to heaven.
also from Linda's blog April 13 (yes 6 months ago tomorrow), a portion of what Kaaren read...(i may have already posted it here but it bears repeating)
We who suffer the loss of a loved one
still give thanks that we were privileged to have known her.
That for a time, she graced our lives and enriched our spirits.
Let us not grieve the loss but give thanks for the gift.
The weather is turning. I brought out my purple winter jacket, and in one pocket were the museum ticket stubs from March 19th, when Linda and Audrey and I went to SF to see Dr. Tempero, followed by the museum (Annie Liebowitz photographic exhibit) and a delicious Chinese dinner at Ton Kiang (right near the museum, so we always planned it that way) before rushing home to meet the hospice intake worker.
a lifetime ago and yet as if it were last week.
so many mileposts along the way in the last 6 months.
there is a bit of warmth on the sun. ketzl is in the back, dozing in a cardboard box. he is such a wonderful beast, with a big purr to match his size. i know hs companionship meant so much to Linda, she who had never before been a cat person.
jeremy came for breakfast yesterday (french toast with leftover challah) and we talked about cell phone transition and a lot of other things. i have a lot to do today before leaving for the meditation retreat this afternoon at temple.
also from Linda's blog April 13 (yes 6 months ago tomorrow), a portion of what Kaaren read...(i may have already posted it here but it bears repeating)
We who suffer the loss of a loved one
still give thanks that we were privileged to have known her.
That for a time, she graced our lives and enriched our spirits.
Let us not grieve the loss but give thanks for the gift.
The weather is turning. I brought out my purple winter jacket, and in one pocket were the museum ticket stubs from March 19th, when Linda and Audrey and I went to SF to see Dr. Tempero, followed by the museum (Annie Liebowitz photographic exhibit) and a delicious Chinese dinner at Ton Kiang (right near the museum, so we always planned it that way) before rushing home to meet the hospice intake worker.
a lifetime ago and yet as if it were last week.
so many mileposts along the way in the last 6 months.
there is a bit of warmth on the sun. ketzl is in the back, dozing in a cardboard box. he is such a wonderful beast, with a big purr to match his size. i know hs companionship meant so much to Linda, she who had never before been a cat person.
jeremy came for breakfast yesterday (french toast with leftover challah) and we talked about cell phone transition and a lot of other things. i have a lot to do today before leaving for the meditation retreat this afternoon at temple.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Another week has flown by....well, sorta flown
It's the busy time of year at a synagogue. Since last Sunday, we have had Kol Nidre (which is the night before Yom Kippur, actually the start of the observance) and Yom Kippur itself (on Weds/Thurs).
Nath and Jackie were there again on Yom Kippur day for the memorial and concluding service. Thank you both again for your support. It was a pretty difficult afternoon. It was not easy for Rabbi either. He reads a list of names of those members, relatives, friends who have died since the last Rosh Hashanah. Linda's name was on the list. It will be the only time her name is read in that way. I thought Rabbi did a great job, with a difficult list. It seemed that he went right along but in talking afterward, he said saying Linda's name hit him a few names down the road. It was quite a list. Including the man who sliced the challah after Friday night services for 20 years. and Linda. So I was worried how I would handle it, and it was hard, but it is over and we made it through. It was the first service that I actually sat down for. Working for a synagogue, I don't get a chance to actually experience the services very much. We need to figure out how to change that a bit for next year.
I talked to Audrey. She went to the cemetery on Yom Kippur Day. Also hard.
When I came home on Thursday, there was an email from my cousin Mike, telling me that his sister Judy had died that morning, almost one year after diagnosis with inoperable pancreatic cancer. Very sad. She had promised her 9 grandsons that they would spend time in Vermont (where she had a house) in the summer. And they did.
Tomorrow is a Zen meditation retreat in the afternoon, part of Adult Ed at the temple. I'm looking forward to it and the 4 followup weekly sessions. I think I can really use the relaxation and renewal.
Nath and Jackie were there again on Yom Kippur day for the memorial and concluding service. Thank you both again for your support. It was a pretty difficult afternoon. It was not easy for Rabbi either. He reads a list of names of those members, relatives, friends who have died since the last Rosh Hashanah. Linda's name was on the list. It will be the only time her name is read in that way. I thought Rabbi did a great job, with a difficult list. It seemed that he went right along but in talking afterward, he said saying Linda's name hit him a few names down the road. It was quite a list. Including the man who sliced the challah after Friday night services for 20 years. and Linda. So I was worried how I would handle it, and it was hard, but it is over and we made it through. It was the first service that I actually sat down for. Working for a synagogue, I don't get a chance to actually experience the services very much. We need to figure out how to change that a bit for next year.
I talked to Audrey. She went to the cemetery on Yom Kippur Day. Also hard.
When I came home on Thursday, there was an email from my cousin Mike, telling me that his sister Judy had died that morning, almost one year after diagnosis with inoperable pancreatic cancer. Very sad. She had promised her 9 grandsons that they would spend time in Vermont (where she had a house) in the summer. And they did.
Tomorrow is a Zen meditation retreat in the afternoon, part of Adult Ed at the temple. I'm looking forward to it and the 4 followup weekly sessions. I think I can really use the relaxation and renewal.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Sunday, Sunday ...
from a friend, who took this from a High Holy Day prayerbook used at a nursing home (pointing out that even those who do not believe in God can relate to the rest):
We find holiness in our struggle to be the best we know how to be.
We find holiness in our acts of kindness where there is no thought of reward.
We find holiness in the sharing and caring of our daily lives.
We find holiness in the joys of friendship and love.
We find holiness in the joyous spontaneity of children at play.
We find holiness when we unleash the child within ourselves.
We find holiness in the shared gifts of our laughter and personal triumphs.
We find holiness when we comfort a friend at a time of loss or in a sense of defeat.
We find holiness in the recognition and acceptance of our own brokenness.
We find holiness when we strive to fashion the strength to meet life with good cheer.
We find holiness in our precious memories and quiet reflections tempered through the years.
We find holiness when we work to grow toward tomorrow.
And we find holiness when we gather together to pray to God who, in holiness, gives us the power of prayer and deed.
Thanks, Ruth, for sharing at this time.
So today was the Kever Avot service. I arrived just a tad late and there were Nath and Jackie sitting together. They live not too far from each other and turns out they were driving one behind the other (unplanned) to the service. After the official words, many of us went down to Home of Peace, a wholly owned piece of Jewish land that is the oldest Jewish cemetery in San Jose. Meeka and Dana did a small prayer and song on behalf of Linda, with the five of us (me, Jackie, Nath, Meeka and Dana) standing by the grave of our dear friend Lynn Glass and her husband Harry. that was pretty special.
a week from Monday is 6 months since Linda died. Dana asked if it feels short or long or both and i said yes. which is true. both terribly recent and far away. it's been so busy lately that i haven't had a lot of time to miss Linda directly, or even time to cry. well today at the cemetery fixed that. always bring tissues.
things are funky with the computer today, so i will copy the content of this post in case. i remember the times when Linda would spend hours on a blog entry, only to have it go poofy when she tried to save. and hey, it worked the first time!! woo hoo!!
it's definitely getting colder, and darker earlier. we had some rain over the weekend (first in 202 days if you can believe that) including one downpour when Ketzl was outside. he got a bit wet but toweling was fine. he doesn't mind the hairdryer when i need to use it. the air is so nice and clear after a rain. also went to the farmers market. it really is the end of the summer. many of the vendors said this was the last weekend for white peaches, nectarines and plums. so i got a bunch to last the next few weeks. we are so spoiled. i went out and did the best i could to strip the last of the tomatoes and there are still some apples on the tree. (thx Daphne).
the ohio state buckeyes beat the wisconsin badgers yesterday. it's a divided family. adam is a buckeye and i'm a badger now (with the shirt to prove it...oh that's why they lost -- i didn't wear the shirt yesterday!)....adam wrote to say that he thought of last year when Linda and I went up to San Francisco to a bar where they were grilling bratwurst and drinking lots of beer and all the badger fans were age 22-27 and doing the "jump around" which they do in the stadium as well. what incredible engineering to hold 60,000 people jumping up and down! i hope i can get to a badger game some time this season. big ten football is incredible!
not sure how to get ready for this week. when Dana reads the list of people who have died this year and Linda's name will be on it. one more thing to be done, some for the first time, some for the only time. next year her name will not be on the list.
i still cannot hear Linda's voice. which is both strange and frustrating to me. i need to check with others to see if this is unusual or not. also, i think i need to get more pictures around. Shelley suggested getting a copy of one of the photographs from Linda's first visit, in a trademark banded collar white shirt, sitting on a chair in the kitchen. one of my favorites. so adorable.
this is an important time as i prepare to enter the new year with a clean slate. time to forgive and ask forgiveness. time to reflect and to appreciate the almost 9 years Linda and i had together, to be grateful that we found each other, and to remember the good times and the love we shared.
thank you Nath and Jackie for today. i know some of it is for yourselves as well as for me, but/and i appreciate your company. always. and i know many of you not physically in our company are totally with us in spirit and will be on Thursday as well.
may the coming year be one of sweetness, joy and growth for all of us.
Shanah Tovah!
We find holiness in our struggle to be the best we know how to be.
We find holiness in our acts of kindness where there is no thought of reward.
We find holiness in the sharing and caring of our daily lives.
We find holiness in the joys of friendship and love.
We find holiness in the joyous spontaneity of children at play.
We find holiness when we unleash the child within ourselves.
We find holiness in the shared gifts of our laughter and personal triumphs.
We find holiness when we comfort a friend at a time of loss or in a sense of defeat.
We find holiness in the recognition and acceptance of our own brokenness.
We find holiness when we strive to fashion the strength to meet life with good cheer.
We find holiness in our precious memories and quiet reflections tempered through the years.
We find holiness when we work to grow toward tomorrow.
And we find holiness when we gather together to pray to God who, in holiness, gives us the power of prayer and deed.
Thanks, Ruth, for sharing at this time.
So today was the Kever Avot service. I arrived just a tad late and there were Nath and Jackie sitting together. They live not too far from each other and turns out they were driving one behind the other (unplanned) to the service. After the official words, many of us went down to Home of Peace, a wholly owned piece of Jewish land that is the oldest Jewish cemetery in San Jose. Meeka and Dana did a small prayer and song on behalf of Linda, with the five of us (me, Jackie, Nath, Meeka and Dana) standing by the grave of our dear friend Lynn Glass and her husband Harry. that was pretty special.
a week from Monday is 6 months since Linda died. Dana asked if it feels short or long or both and i said yes. which is true. both terribly recent and far away. it's been so busy lately that i haven't had a lot of time to miss Linda directly, or even time to cry. well today at the cemetery fixed that. always bring tissues.
things are funky with the computer today, so i will copy the content of this post in case. i remember the times when Linda would spend hours on a blog entry, only to have it go poofy when she tried to save. and hey, it worked the first time!! woo hoo!!
it's definitely getting colder, and darker earlier. we had some rain over the weekend (first in 202 days if you can believe that) including one downpour when Ketzl was outside. he got a bit wet but toweling was fine. he doesn't mind the hairdryer when i need to use it. the air is so nice and clear after a rain. also went to the farmers market. it really is the end of the summer. many of the vendors said this was the last weekend for white peaches, nectarines and plums. so i got a bunch to last the next few weeks. we are so spoiled. i went out and did the best i could to strip the last of the tomatoes and there are still some apples on the tree. (thx Daphne).
the ohio state buckeyes beat the wisconsin badgers yesterday. it's a divided family. adam is a buckeye and i'm a badger now (with the shirt to prove it...oh that's why they lost -- i didn't wear the shirt yesterday!)....adam wrote to say that he thought of last year when Linda and I went up to San Francisco to a bar where they were grilling bratwurst and drinking lots of beer and all the badger fans were age 22-27 and doing the "jump around" which they do in the stadium as well. what incredible engineering to hold 60,000 people jumping up and down! i hope i can get to a badger game some time this season. big ten football is incredible!
not sure how to get ready for this week. when Dana reads the list of people who have died this year and Linda's name will be on it. one more thing to be done, some for the first time, some for the only time. next year her name will not be on the list.
i still cannot hear Linda's voice. which is both strange and frustrating to me. i need to check with others to see if this is unusual or not. also, i think i need to get more pictures around. Shelley suggested getting a copy of one of the photographs from Linda's first visit, in a trademark banded collar white shirt, sitting on a chair in the kitchen. one of my favorites. so adorable.
this is an important time as i prepare to enter the new year with a clean slate. time to forgive and ask forgiveness. time to reflect and to appreciate the almost 9 years Linda and i had together, to be grateful that we found each other, and to remember the good times and the love we shared.
thank you Nath and Jackie for today. i know some of it is for yourselves as well as for me, but/and i appreciate your company. always. and i know many of you not physically in our company are totally with us in spirit and will be on Thursday as well.
may the coming year be one of sweetness, joy and growth for all of us.
Shanah Tovah!
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