tonite as daphne and i left the synagogue, i looked over the wall and thru the trees and saw the sliver of a moon. it was really quite striking. a new month. a new year.
a birthday is so many things. the day that someone actually was born and took breaths of air on this earth. a day celebrating that event. the culmination of 365 days since the previous celebration ... a look backward. you made it through "another one." or the beginning of the new year that is starting. a look forward. so the actual birthday is a pivot point. a point of balance. a fulcrum between the past and the future. i guess that's sort of how i feel. working on balance. so here i am, getting ready to turn 63, the next in the list of "firsts" ... things without Linda. no guarantee that the 2nd time around will be any easier, but gotta get thru the firsts. that's why hospice stays connected for 13 months, getting thru the entire year of firsts.
this year "we" will celebrate with thai food and sticky rice with mango (a requirement) at house of siam in downtown san jose. i could not for the life of me remember what we did last year, so i went back to linda's blog (which i was writing) and found that i took the day off from work, linda and i went out to breakfast, then to dr. cohen, and saw "27 dresses." i actually still have no recollection, even after reading the words. it is still a blur. i don't know how i had the strength to go back to the posts on linda's blog that followed my birthday. not all of them, but up to and including april 13. tissue alert. it was nice to see the reading that kaaren read that night: we who mourn the loss of a friend should not dwell on that loss, but rather should be thankful for the gift of her presence in our lives.
we had a nice art activity in the support group: creating a collage using pictures of our partner, quotes, things from magazines. it was a fun experience and a lot of nice quotes. Jack Lemmon: "death is the end of a life, but not a relationship." will share more of them later.
tonight we had a yummy dinner (at jerusalem cafe, 3064 el camino real in santa clara, thank you jay and cindy), and when i got home, allowed myself to eat the LAST persimmon from the backyard for dessert. quite wonderful.
so happy birthday to me. thanks for the cards, the calls, and warm wishes. there are actually two other people sharing my birthday among my 91 friends on facebook. i find that a very interesting statistic. i will drag this out for as long as people want to celebrate (mostly cuz there are a lot of people unavailable on a weds nite or actually out of town).
ketzl` is loving up the laptop. wonder how many key strokes he will get in. zs1`` make it 5 we had a nice walk when i first got home. it was california cold and i did a good job of wrapping a scarf so i could breathe warm air (it was one of linda's scarves) and a black Linda hat. warm.
