My sweet Tovah:
This is my first letter to you here.
My world is empty without you.
It's not just a song.
A voluntary solo is one thing.
This is something else.
I dearly love your friends who are standing with me.
You did a fabulous job of keeping wonderful people connected to you.
Forever friends. It's not a cliche when you look at relationships of 40 years.
But I want you here.
I want to share a nectarine with you.
I want to feel your touch.
I'm tired of leaking tears and sniffing every day,
keeping a tissue in my pockets at all times.
I want to fly with you again, instead of remembering airports of times past.
I want to hear your voice, talking, singing, laughing.
I want to see your smile in person, not in two dimensions from a photograph.
I want to smell your perfume.
I miss seeing your towel on the rack in the bathroom.
I want to go to shows with you.
Chorus Line and Avenue Q are coming again.
I have the CD's but it's not the same.
Nothing is the same.
I didn't choose this solo.
This wasn't the plan.
I want backsies.
But that's not the plan either.
Maybe there is no plan.
So I guess that's my current job:
to discover the non-plan.
And remember to keep tissues handy
on the journey.
Probably one of the reasons it's so hard tonight
is because my fatigue is catching up with me.
But that doesn't matter either.
So I'll keep reading, looking for more help,
more resources, more connections.
Finding out who I am now.
It's still one foot in front of the other.
And while it is my solo journey,
you are with me, every step of the way.
with all my love,
yr dvora
