Today's activities included updating the "outside board" at Temple. We are a bit old-fashioned, using the white plastic letters that fit into grooves on the black board. This was poignant for me because even before Linda moved to California, she would help me (especially reaching the top of the board). Today also I worked on the bulletin for August a bit. One of the things I contribute is the list of yahrzeits, the listing of the anniversary of deaths of relatives of members in the congregation which are read each week. In August we will remember Shirley Blauner, mother of Linda Blauner Mirth. We found out before LBK moved out that there already was a Linda Blauner here in San Jose, who is actually related to the Blauner clan.
I'm taking a break from stripping almost all the fruit off the apricot tree. It kills me how much is on the ground. I've taken a lot in to the office and will pack as much as I can (very carefully) to take to Santa Monica tomorrow, and put the rest in the fridge. Then maybe I can make some apricot sauce and freeze some halves for later. Ketzl is enjoying having me outside in the back. He's not getting much time lazing in the boxes in the afternoon sun on the deck. There will be some time on Sunday.
I'm figuring out what Jackie was saying ... not in terms of how much any one of us misses Linda, but how it is different for me. OK, I'll buy that. It's not a difference of "quantity" per se. But because Linda was so much a part of my daily life, for eight years and more, and you out there in blogland have more other parts of your lives to give balance.
I got a small xeroxed card yesterday from Hospice of the Valley's Bereavement Services. I will bring their attention to a small grammatical error (Linda was always a good grammar policewoman). But I will share here their suggestions for ways to cope:
* Ask for help and let others help you. It will help them in their grief process too.
* Allow yourself to cry. You are wounded and this is nature's way of helping you begin to heal.
* Find safe people who will listen to you. Tell your story repeatedly.
Well, I think I'm pretty much doing all of that. I tell the story constantly, and as I mentioned yesterday, still pretty weepy and sniffy, at least a bit every day. Like now.
"The presence of that absence is everywhere." Edna St. Vincent Millay
I guess that's a good way to capture what Jackie meant: Linda's absence from this house and my life is everywhere. The black slipper that holds the bedroom door partly closed so the light doesn't come in in the morning. The cup of various scissors, tweezers, files, etc. on the bathroom sink. The pots and pans brought from Akron. The clothing in the closet. The papers and books, and maps and travel guides retrieved from shelves at travel information centers. Plants. Folger's coffee (drip and instant). Still a few bags of movie candy.
Also from the Hospice piece: "The finality of death is nearly impossible for us to understand. Absorbing the reality that our loved one has died and will never return is a difficult task." That's certainly true!
There's a nice bio of Natalie Wood on PBS in the background. Very nice job. Now it's West Side Story.
Well, Farmer Deb needs to go retrieve a ladder from the garage to finish the apricot task. And water the tomatoes before I leave. LOTS of blossoms there.
Overall today was a pretty good day.
Happy Fourth. Happy Independence Day. I hope we can see fireworks on the Santa Monica pier from my father's balcony.
