Of the High Holy Days.
It was last night. It is observed at the close of Shabbat on the Saturday before Rosh Hashanah, except if it that is less than a week before, like this year. Last night I didn't want to go alone, and fortunately the ever-vigilant Jackie was available to come with me. The evening started with a study session (we got through maybe 20 lines of text, which is always wonderful). Things about getting ready for the Days of Awe, different translations used words like degrade, debase, humbling...that we may all be equal as we get ready to open our hearts and lives during this season. Here's the relevance:
September 1999, probably Linda's 2nd visit to California, after the amazing August birthday etc trip, was Selichot. I know what she wore. A white knit outfit which still hangs in the closet. Afterwards, we went to see "Better Than Chocolate," omg what a perfect first lesbian date movie!! I was overwhelmed (by the movie and everything else too). So Selichot will always be a poignant time for me, and thanks Jackie for always being there for me.
In 1999 there was a letter writing program, to write some hopes for the following year, which would be mailed to us the following fall, so we could see if our wishes worked out. The side benefit of never throwing anything away (well, rarely) is that one encounters some really wonderful gems that were not discarded.
Here's my letter dated 20 September 1999 (9 years ago almost to the day): (tissue alert y'all)
Dear Self:
At this tumultuous time
how can I reflect and ask for what I hope will be by this time next year?
I know I ask for peace and contentment
And, God willing,
a full and happy life with
My Tovah.
This is a scary thought to be putting "out there" in writing, not to be seen until next year.
There is so much to be done.
There is so much promise.
May it come to fruition in this year 5760.
With lot of love
to & from
Dvora
and here I am
back at a different beginning.
then it was my hopes for a life with Linda.
now it is my life without Linda physically present.
through the tears, i am full of gratitude for her presence in my life for almost 9 years. i just wasn't done yet.
