I hadn't really given it much thought. It was Friday.
Today was pretty momentous. Yesterday I didn't report on my success at DMV, with a nice lady named Ruth who guessed that Linda's license plate TVAH really was TOVAH (there's a heart instead of the O and my DVORA plate has a heart insted of the O as well. It took almost an hour, and I filled out the form incorrectly because of inaccurate instructions at the first desk, and had to sign another form explaining the error and how it was fixed .... but in the end, my name is on the title (but I don't have the actual paper and assume they will mail it) and I walked out with two license plates of the generic variety, 6DUK795. The Duck Car. We're going to leave the TOVAH plate on the front for the trip. I'll keep the back one and Shelley will get the front, after the car drives "home" to Ohio.
So, it occurred to me that I needed to create a ritual about changing the plates. I didn't want to do it alone in the driveway here at the house. So I thought of doing it at work, with my women co-workers around. This morning Paula called with the inspired suggestion to bring some of Linda's hats, which I did. And the camera. And I had pre-tested the tool that would work (dyke with tools, eh?) and headed out.
I had been struck that leaving next week and driving the car to Ohio was a momentous change in many ways. No regrets because it is going to a good home with Shelley. But I don't think I had fully considered all the implications of this coming road trip. I have seen the dark green Hyundai Sonata GLS in the driveway for 8 years. Linda drove from Ohio in 2.5 days and arrived in California on May 24, 2000. And it has been here ever since. I remember when she first got the car...she had ordered it specially because they were not sending many standard transmissions to the US...5 speed, tan leather seats, CD player, etc etc, great wide wheel base and the car practically whispers on the freeway, "take me up to 85 MPH, please...." And I've driven it off and on (baby, you can drive my car), most recently once a week or so. It was more comfortable for Linda to ride in her car, even as a passenger, because of greater leg room. My Forester has heated seats, so it had been the winter car which was nice to warm Linda's back.
So I was thinking about this next step, approaching the day that the Tovah car would leave, another piece of tangible evidence that Linda is no longer present. And changing the license plate was part of that separation. All small steps on the journey.
So we gathered in the shade on the driveway near the Temple office. Each woman chose a hat (Jane got the pumpkin one!) and there was music playing from the CD player: The Stingers, a group from Akron that Linda loved...Latin jazz, really wonderful stuff. Then I told the story of how the car got to California, showed the traveling pants, a pair of very old very soft light blue denim shorts that were part of her wardrobe eight years ago on the drive out on Hwy 80. 2500 miles. I turned the music down and we looked at pictures of Linda, took pictures of women in hats, Meeka said a few blessings (the one for reaching this day, and the traveler's prayer), and I took off the back Tovah plate and put on the new one with the month and year stickers. There were tissues and I cried some. It was the right decision to do it in the company of my work friends, and to mark the occasion with special words and awareness.
It is another small step. Well maybe not so small.
